Christmastime

It's my last day in Phoenix for the Christmas vacation. It's been a great 6 weeks, but I have to finish school sometime.

The cruise was incredible, as always. It rained the entire time. We spent almost no time out on the deck, and got off the ship only once. Our first port was Santa Barbara and when we got off the ship it was pouring rain. We didn't have enough umbrellas for all of us, so some of us got completely soaked. Within 30 minutes we turned around and got back on the ship. Then we went right to the jacuzzi and spent a few hours soaking, followed by the steam room and hot rock beds. Julie bought a special pass to get into the steam rooms and rock beds, and discovered that nobody actually checked the pass to get in. So we all walked right in. We spent a lot of time in there since we couldn't really sunbathe on the deck. All three of us girls (me, Nicole, and Evan's girlfriend Kristy) spent every evening doing our hair and makeup and getting dressed for dinner together. This took a lot of work because though I blow dried and straightened my hair in the morning, by the afternoon the rain turned it to frizz. And spending so much time in the jacuzzi and steam room didn't help. But we were some of the hottest girls on the ship, I think :-) The food was fantastic, and I loved going to afternoon tea. I got a cold on the second day, so the tea felt really nice on my sore throat and helped with my congestion. I also got a little sea sick. The constant rain meant rough seas too, so I had to take Dramamine every evening just to keep dinner down. That stuff works really well! The on ship entertainment was really disappointing. The dancers were terrible. They didn't smile, their moves were sloppy, and not together. So after the first night we didn't go to anymore shows. In Ensenada the boys went ATVing while we went shopping. That day it was still damp and gloomy, but not pouring rain. On the ATVs they got literally covered in mud from head to toe. I got some nice jewelry for very cheap- typical in Mexico. That night was formal night and we all looked beautiful. Our last day was a day at sea. Nicole won a martini, we all went to tea again, and spent some more time in the spa. Our disembarkation was delayed so we didn't get off the ship until almost lunchtime and of course it was pouring rain. We had to wait in the rain for about 30 minutes until Daniel came by with the car. So we drove back to Phoenix a little damp and very tired. I was so happy to be able to spend so much time with Nicole and Daniel's family. It's really hard to split our time while we're in Phoenix so this trip enabled us to just enjoy the time with those people.

Back in Phoenix, we had our usual Christmas festivities. We went to church on Christmas Eve, but had to leave early to have Noche Buena dinner with Daniel's family. The service went really long and it was already almost 9:00 before we sat down to eat. I opened gifts with Daniel's family that night, and then with my family the next morning. We got so many nice gifts! Most notable was my very own lab coat with my new married name embroidered on it, and lots of camping supplies (a tent, lantern, cook stove, and silverware). I also got lots of nice clothes, jewelry, and makeup.

The day after Christmas I played piano for the church service. The regular pianist was going on vacation, so she asked me to fill in. I was happy to help, and very nervous. I had to learn two pieces for the choir, and 5 or 6 hymns in about 4 days, 2 of those days being Christmas Eve and Christmas. There were a few slip-ups but it went fine. I was so nervous sometimes I made myself mess up.

The last few days we've been spending as much time as possible with family members. I don't know when we'll be coming back. It will probably be next summer, and even then just for a long weekend. But they'll be coming to Denver for my graduation! I'm starting to get nervous about this next term. I'm taking some really hard classes. It's been a great vacation, but time to get back to work!

The Most Terrifying Experience of My Life

We left at about 12:30pm this afternoon to drive to Phoenix. We were planning on getting at least as far as Gallup, leaving only 3 or 4 hours to drive tomorrow. But we only got as far as Santa Fe. About 50 miles outside Santa Fe, while I was driving, it started to snow. And it got bad really fast. About 15 minutes into the storm, a car in front of us skidded 360 degrees, and then another 180 to land on the side of the road facing us. I almost had a heart attack. Daniel woke up and coached me through. He told me if I start to slide, point my wheels in the direction of the slide. And drive slowly, leaving lots of room in front of me. I did what he said and it helped. The few times I skidded, it was over quickly and I didn't hit anything or anyone. We watched so many cars in front of us sliding all over the place. We saw ambulances and police cars on the side of the road, and more than one car buried in snow on the shoulder. It was absolutely terrifying. Then the gas light turned on.

I almost lost it. Can you imagine running out of gas in the middle of a snow storm, 15 miles from any town? It took us 2 hours to go about 30 miles because we were going so slow. We were still about 15 miles outside Santa Fe and had no idea where the nearest gas station was. I just kept driving slowly until there was an exit with a campground and restaurants. I took the exit and parked at a restaurant where there was an ambulance parked with some firemen getting out. I asked them where the nearest gas station is and they told me a mile or two down the road. Perfect! Daniel got back in the driver's seat and drove down a dark road for probably another 5 miles before we figured out weren't going to find a gas station. We got back on I-25, passed the same police car that was now assisting a tow truck pulling a car off the shoulder, and took the same exit. We got more specific directions and finally ended up at the gas station. I was so incredibly relieved. I don't think I've prayed so hard in my entire life. That we wouldn't run out of gas, that we wouldn't skid off the road, that we wouldn't run into somebody, that we wouldn't witness another car crash..... and God definitely came through. Once we got gas, I realized that if we drove slowly and carefully everything would be fine. Even if we slid on ice, we were going slow enough and leaving enough room in front of us that we wouldn't hit anything with significant force. We continued on to Santa Fe and found a hotel that allowed pets and now we're drying off and warming up.

My feet are freezing because I didn't think to wear boots. I honestly didn't think we would hit a huge storm like this. Maybe a little snow, but nothing like this. We still have another 8 hours to Phoenix, so we'll get up early tomorrow morning. I'm praying that the roads are clear, at least enough that we can be on our way. I am incredibly grateful for a partner who knows exactly what to do and stays calm in the most stressful situations. I'm grateful that we just got new tires on the car. And I'm grateful that we made it safe through the storm. Thank you God :-)

Happy Birthday to my Honey

Things at work have calmed down a little bit. David had a meeting in which he explained what's been decided (and what's not been decided) and answered any questions we have. But mostly his answer was that he didn't know the answer. Negotiations are ongoing, so we won't know anything for sure for another week or more. But he made it sound like IF the lab moves, it will be at least 12 months before that happens. And by then, hopefully I will be accepted into graduate school so it won't matter that much. We had our Christmas party on Sunday. That was so much fun. Daniel got to meet some more of my co-workers and get to know them a little better. There were over 50 people crammed into my boss's house and lots of little kids from 3 weeks to 6 years old. There wasn't as much talk about "the move" as I thought there would be. But I did get some valuable information from Laura. Trust Laura to know all the details.

Daniel and I are packing up for our cruise and Christmas vacation. We are leaving on Thursday afternoon and taking two days to drive to Phoenix this time. Then on Saturday morning we will drive to LA with his whole family and my sister. I am really looking forward to that trip. It will be so nice to have a few days with nothing to do but relax and spend time with family. We were also able to coordinate plans for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Every year it's a little difficult because my side of the family goes to church on Christmas Eve, and Daniel's side of the family has Noche Buena on Christmas Eve. This year we are going to try to do Noche Buena after church. It will make for a late dinner, but this way we won't have to eat and run so quickly. I'm really glad that we will be staying with Daniel's family this time. My parents' house just felt so crowded. The only bad part from my perspective is that means less time with my sister.

Daniel's birthday is on Wednesday. He is turning 22 years old! I can't believe how old we're getting. When we started dating just before my 14th birthday, I would have never imagined we would still be together for our 22nd birthday. I spend way too much of my time daydreaming about our wedding. And even more time daydreaming about being a mom. Daniel told me a few days ago that he saw a little boy with his dad and for the first time he wanted to be a dad. That is a very positive sign! But we are doing the responsible thing, and waiting until we both have master's degrees to have kids. Isn't it crazy that we'll both have master's degrees before we're 25 years old? I think we should be very proud of that. All these years of school better be worth it. I want us to make enough money that we can afford for me to stay home part time, and live in a nice home, and go on vacations. In that order.

We're going out for drinks with some friends tonight, and Daniel is inviting people over tomorrow night for his birthday, and then we leave! What a week.

Drama at Work

This week has been full of drama at work, and it all centers around our boss. I work in the Schwartz lab, named after Dr. David Schwartz. He is very respected in the science, research, pulmonary, and genetics industries. He was recently hired as the head of medicine at the University of Colorado Denver. He told us all along that he wanted to keep both jobs- head of the Center for Genes, Environment, and Health and Head of Medicine at UC Denver. There has been talk that the entire lab is going to move to the University to make it easier for him to keep up with both jobs. This has caused all kinds of rumors. At this point I have heard that the lab will be moving sometime this summer, around July. I've heard that the pay, benefits, and vacation time at the University will be much better. I have also heard that our budget will be even bigger than it already is. There has been more talk about who will go and who will stay. Apparently everyone has the choice to stay at National Jewish, or move with David to the University. Obviously I want to move- it will only help my chances to get into the University's graduate physician's assistant program. But my boss, Judy, likely will not go. There is no ozone machine at the University, and her entire project centers around ozone. I've heard rumors that this person isn't going, this other person is going, this person wants a promotion, this person wants to take over David's job at National Jewish....... it goes on and on. The worst part is that I don't know if any of this is true. This is my crash course in workplace politics and I am lost. I can only hope that I will still be offered a job when I graduate. All signs are still pointing towards a job, but I have no idea what kind of job it will be. At the very least it won't be at National Jewish anymore. The campus is not much further from my house, so that's not really a big deal. If the benefits, pay, and vacation time are better then that's all good news. I just hope that everything I've learned over the last year will help me in this new lab. Right now my skills and experience are very specific to the kind of work we're doing now. If it changes in a big way, I'm afraid I will have to relearn everything. On the other hand, being with the lab for over a year will make me an asset in the process of moving. I can help reestablish the lab at the University with the knowledge I've gained here. If I'm this freaked out about my job possibilities, I can only imagine how everyone else feels. I just wish David would make some decisions and communicate. I'm tired of all the talking and rumors at work. I just want to do my job. Our Christmas party is on Sunday, and I'm sure there will be plenty of talk there too. I will just keep my ears open and glean whatever information I can. In the meantime, I'll continue to work hard and make sure all my coworkers and supervisors feel that I am an essential part of the lab. Hopefully that will mean a job for me in June.

Rough Day at Work

So our happy hour thing didn't happen. It just wasn't a good day. We ended up having to stay late to do actual work, so happy hour had to be put on hold. Hopefully we'll go next week sometime. The work we had to stay late for was really annoying. As part of our experimental design, we have to count how many of our cells die and how many live. This requires us to dye each well (of 72) for 2 minutes, then put it under the microscope and take 3 pictures which we save to the computer and count later. This method is ridiculous because the dye that we use kills cells. We're not counting cells that died due to the experiment, but cells that died due to the counting process. It takes a very long time. It's tedious and ineffective. Our results are a rough estimate at best, which makes the long hours feel useless. But we have to do it anyways. I guess everybody has times that they have to do something they don't want to because it's part of the job.

Today at work was also difficult due to some social issues. I don't really want to go into it on the internet where anyone can see it. Basically there are some people in the lab that don't get along with other people. I get along with everyone, which forces me to take sides sometimes when I'm talking to people. Or eating lunch with people. Why can't everyone just get along? It makes it very awkward for those of us who are neutral.

On the home front, things are going well as usual. I am so freaking excited for our wedding. Some days one year seems really long and other days it feels just around the corner. I have found myself kind of preparing already. In certain situations it's easier to just begin using my married name (like when getting a lab coat with your name embroidered on it, or making a new email address). And I have begun to think about how my financial situation will change.

Last night Daniel went through all of our bills and bank accounts with me so I would have a better idea of where we are financially. I don't want to be the kind of wife who lets her husband take care of all the bills and has no idea how much income or expenses they have. I want to be informed about our money. I'm pretty much always worried about money. I never feel comfortable spending money on myself or on fun things. I don't think that will ever change. But after last night, I feel better that we are able to afford rent, utilities, and groceries with our current income and expenses. It's so hard when our income is so variable. Daniel and I are both working a lot of hours right now because we're not in school. But it's hard to predict how much we'll be able to work once school starts up again in January. All I can do is make as much money as I can now and save it up. No matter what, I know that we will not be evicted or go hungry. Our families would never allow that. So I have to just be comfortable with that knowledge.

In one week we will leave for Phoenix, and then the next day we leave on our cruise! I am so ready for a vacation. Again. Work is exhausting! Or maybe that's just because of today. Today was exhausting!! And tomorrow will be too- we're harvesting 16 mice. That's a lot of work.

On Our Pre-Anniversary

I've had an awesome week, mostly because I love my job. It's so nice to go to work in the morning, come home in the evening, and not have to worry about homework or studying. Except I have been studying for the GRE a little bit. I'm terrified to take that test. The questions are really tricky. But I'm going to study really hard and not take the test until I'm sure I'm ready.

At work everything is going great. I ran this assay on Thursday that costs about $2500 so my boss was really nervous. She has never done it before, and I've done it a million times, so she asked me to do it for her. When I got there in the morning, I discovered that it was a little different than I thought. So I had to do some problem solving and figure some stuff out, but in the end it went really well. My boss was really happy. National Jewish had a holiday party on Friday that was really cool. They set up a big conference room with a bunch of cocktail tables and candy baskets. There was a guy dressed like Willy Wonka to greet us and he handed out envelopes. If yours had a golden ticket you won a prize. There were tables with all different kinds of cupcakes and big bowls of candy that you could scoop and put in a paper bag. The whole room was decorated with giant lollipops and big mushrooms and a chocolate fountain. And they were playing the movie on a big screen. It was so cute. Our lab is having our holiday party next Sunday so I'm really looking forward to that. And I made plans with Ashley, the other student, and Laura, my direct supervisor, to go out for drinks next week after work. The three of us spend a lot of time together in the lab and we have a lot of fun. I've never gone out with them though. I'm sure it'll be a good time- especially because Laura has a lot of crazy stories that begin with "I was at this bar one time....."

We also got the proofs from our photo shoot yesterday. They turned out incredible! We definitely picked the right photographer. She is very talented. She gave us about 250-300 shots, and there are at least 30 that we love. We need to pick one for our Christmas card, one for our Save the Dates, and one to blow up and put at the entrance on our wedding day- which is exactly one year from today! It's our pre-anniversary :-) I can't believe it! One year! I'm so excited. I'm sure this year is going to go by so fast. I have complete confidence after getting my make up done by the girl who is doing it on my wedding day, and seeing photographs of us by the actual wedding photographer, that our wedding day is going to be perfect. Somehow together they made me look beautiful. I feel so much more confident now. I don't feel like I need to lose (as much) weight before our wedding, and I know I will look perfect. If I may say, Daniel also looked very hot in the pictures ;-)

So, to sum up, I LOVE my job, I LOVE our pictures, and our wedding is in ONE year!! :-)

No more Roommates!!

Our trip to Phoenix was very busy- full of family, a ton of food, celebrations, and exhaustion! I am very glad to be back home after one week. It felt very crowded in my parents' house (weird, since their house is like 3 times the size of ours) and it just doesn't feel like "home." Thanksgiving was definitely a highlight. It's one of my favorite holidays. My family is full of fantastic cooks, so I look forward to the food every year. I also enjoy seeing my family and Daniel's family spend time together. It reminds me how grateful I am that our families already feel like one large family. And this year an added blessing was time with my sister. Though no amount of time is ever enough, I was happy that we got to be together for a whole week. The best part was the Friday after Thanksgiving. Daniel was brave enough to get up at 4:30 and go shopping with his mom and Aunt Barbara. I was supposed to go, but at the last minute I bailed- I wanted to sleep. But I went into Nicole's room and woke her up at 8:00, and by 8:30 we were both ready to hit the mall. Daniel met up with us and we did some serious shopping! We got great deals, and knocked a lot of people off our Christmas list. Nicole also got a chance to go to the Apple store and pick a computer to replace hers that was stolen. We ended our shopping at Banana Republic where Daniel returned the favor and bought me a ton of nice clothes. I definitely need some new clothes, but I never feel okay about spending very much money on that. So it was nice that Daniel kind of gave me permission to spend some money on myself. We also celebrated Daniel's Mom's birthday, and Daniel's Aunt's birthday, and Nicole's graduation. Nicole had a HUGE party on Sunday with practically the entire church and some other family friends too. I got to see my little flower girls and their new baby brother. I also got to go see a movie with Nicole and Beth which was really fun. I never go to the movies here in Denver because Daniel doesn't like to. That's why girlfriends are so important. And finally, Daniel and I had our engagement photo shoot. I was really nervous, but once I got my makeup done and got all dressed, I felt more confident. I must have looked good, because when Julie saw me, she said I was glowing and asked if I was pregnant! (for the record, I'm not) I really don't like kissing in front of people, but I had to get over that quickly since we spent about half of the 90 minute photo shoot kissing. I can't wait to see the pictures. I have complete confidence in our photographer. I've seen lots of her work, and she is incredible.

Now we're back in Denver and absolutely loving our "empty nest." While in Phoenix, Daniel's parents agreed to lower our rent to just the mortgage, which means that with some tight budgeting Daniel and I should be able to make the rent on our own! And that means.... no roommates!!! We get to have our own little home with our own little family. I am so incredibly thankful to his parents for allowing us to live here on our own. It's so much more peaceful, quiet and comfortable. We're taking full advantage of our new freedom.

So for the next few weeks I'm going to work full time and hopefully make enough to pay off my huge credit card bill from Black Friday! Today I asked for a raise since I'm coming up on one year there in January. Laura told me I will get a raise in January. She doesn't know how much, but it'll be something. I'm very happy about that. She also told me that the lab will probably be moving around July. At that point, I'll be allowed to choose if I want to stay at National Jewish, or move with the lab to the University. I'm pretty sure I'll move for two reasons: one, David Schwartz is moving and he will give me a fantastic letter of recommendation to get into my first choice PA school, and two, the University is my first choice for PA school- so working there certainly can't hurt my chances. I still LOVE my job! I definitely hit the jackpot with that one. I should probably go to bed, so I can wake up ready to work hard tomorrow morning. I've got a busy few weeks ahead of me. Goodnight!

Packing Up

My last final exam did not go well. I know it's not good when 15 minutes into the test I can feel my anxiety build and I feel like screaming at the professor because he made the test way too hard. I studied really hard the past few days and almost half the questions I had to skip and come back to because I was completely overwhelmed. It was a very long test that covered a ton of material. I really enjoyed the class and I felt like I learned a lot, but I don't think my grade will reflect that. My only hope is that everyone else feels the same way I did. I left school feeling very depressed instead of elated that I have 6 weeks to enjoy the holidays and time with my family. Even though I had a million things to do before leaving tomorrow, I was left with absolutely no motivation to do any of it. So I started with the stuff I wanted to do (throw out all my school stuff) and worked my way up from there. Now I'm pretty much completely packed, the car is packed up, the house is clean, mail is on hold at the post office, and I'm thinking I might go out for sushi for dinner tonight. I think that's a good way to spend the money I got from selling my textbooks.

Now I'm pretty much wasting time until Daniel gets off work. Then we'll get some dinner, finish packing up, and get some sleep. We leave at 5am tomorrow morning! I'm so excited! Maybe we'll hit some snow on the way. That would make me very happy since we haven't gotten hardly any here in Denver. It'll definitely put me in the holiday mood. Phoenix, here we come!

Sister time!

Nicole left this morning and now I'm sad :-( and lonely. I have two days to pass the time until I get to drive back to Phoenix and spend another week with her. Fortunately, I have two final exams to study for, a short paper to write, and lots of packing and cleaning to do. I think I'll be able to keep busy.

I took my first final exam yesterday and it was ridiculously easy. Like, I'm kind of sad that I wasted any time worrying about it at all. But it's over, so I'm completely finished with one class- and I know I got an A in that one. I have one exam in about an hour that shouldn't be too hard, if the review is very similar to the test. I'm really worried about tomorrow's. Mostly because if I do well, then I will do well in the class. And if I don't..... you get the picture. So I need to spend some time today studying for that. And on top of all that, I started studying for the GRE. I have to take it for PA school or any other graduate school. I thought it would probably be really easy since the SAT was so easy. But I didn't want to just go in blind and take the test without knowing anything about the format or what kind of questions are on it. So I bought a review book yesterday. Nicole and I sat down and took a quick look at some math problems. The first question said x^2 = 16 then asked if x = 4. Naturally, I said yes. And naturally, Nicole said no. She explained to me how x could equal 4 or -4. So this is going to be harder than I thought. I continued to get 5 questions in a row wrong. The hard part is that the math section has these questions called qualitative comparison. Where they give you two quantities (like x and 4) and then you have to say if A is bigger, if B is bigger, if they're the same, or if there isn't enough information to determine. In this case, the answer is D because you don't know if x is positive or negative 4. They are SO HARD!! And they try to trick you! Consistently, Nicole was getting them right and explaining to me why I was wrong. I think I need her to tutor me over the next few weeks, at least in the math section. I guess I'm a little rusty since it's been 3 years since I've taken a math class. I'm so glad I bought the review book.

While Nicole was here, she played in the bell choir with me. That was fun because everybody got to meet her. We also got our nails done, baked cookies, and watched Oprah. Just like old times :-) I took her into the lab to meet some of my co-workers and see some of the stuff I've been working on. Then last night we drove out to my boss's house for dinner. A bunch of the girls from work went over there. She lives in a huge cabin in the middle of nowhere. It was a good 45 minute drive out of the city with no street lights. It felt like we were out in the wilderness. It was fun to hang out with everyone and Nicole for a little while. And it was good that Nicole got a break from Dad. She's been with him practically 24/7 for an entire week. I could never ever last that long. It's been really hard for her the past few weeks, so I'm really glad she got to stop here for a day and just have fun with me and Daniel. Daniel was absolutely incredible. He told me that he understood that Nicole really needs to spend time with me and not with Dad. So he said that he would spend time with my Dad so that we could spend some time together without him. That was one of the nicest things that Daniel has ever said to me. He offered to do that because he knew that me and Nicole needed some time to talk. He's the best :-) So also last night the four of us pulled out the Christmas tree, and set up the nativity, and decorated the house for Christmas. I love it! I really really want Nicole to come back between Thanksgiving and Christmas and spend some time here. I know we would have so much fun together. I'm hoping that she will get sick of Mom and Dad and need some time away from them. I would not be happy about moving back in with my parents, so I can't imagine she's thrilled about it either. I can't wait to see her again! 2 more days!

My Winter Break

This weekend has been great. I got a lot done, including lots of sleeping! I got a facial yesterday, so hopefully my skin will be perfect for our photo shoot a week from Tuesday. I think I've narrowed it down to 2 or 3 outfits. I'll have to wait for my sister to get here to decide for sure. Today I took Daniel to the mall and bought him some new clothes. He won't ever spend money on clothes for himself, so if I want him to get some new clothes I usually buy them. I actually like shopping for him more than myself. I feel like it's way easier to find nice clothes for guys. I get so frustrated trying to find clothes I like, that fit, and are reasonably priced. So I would much rather shop for Daniel.

This is my last week of autumn quarter. All I have left is one paper, and final exams. I am so excited for everything that's coming up! I'm excited that my sister is coming for a day or two, and then for our time in Phoenix. I'm really excited for my family's traditional Thanksgiving dinner, and just to spend time with them in general. Then, I'm excited to work full time for a while. Not only to make lots of money, but because I love my job. After that comes our cruise which will be extra special this year because Nicole is coming, and then Christmas! In one week it all begins. And at that point, I will be one third done with my last year of college. I'm so happy!!

The more I think about my new plan for my future, the happier I am. I'm more excited than ever at the idea of becoming a physician's assistant. The whole issue before was that I want to have kids first. I've waited so long to have kids, I don't want to wait anymore. But becoming a PA is really important too. If I can put off having children just 2 or 3 more years, I can have my dream job. I think I can do it.

I'm sitting in class right now during an interminable presentation. She's halfway through and has been speaking for 20 minutes. I'm going crazy. My presentation is next. If I don't kill myself first.

Yesterday I learned how to do IP injections. I've seen them done a million times, but I've never actually done them. If I did them wrong, I would kill the mouse and ruin the experiment. So this time we took mice that weren't being used for anything so I could practice. It's pretty difficult. You have to hold it a certain way so it won't bite you, and they're so squirmy and hard to catch. It's one more skill that I can add to my resume and use as collateral for a raise. I'm trying to work up the nerve to ask for a raise in January. I will have worked there for one year in January, and I'm already paid a ridiculously low wage for the work I'm doing. I am doing real work without close supervision, that takes a lot of skill. So I think I deserve a raise. But it's really hard for me to be assertive and ask. I'll work on it.

School is wrapping up very quickly. I have the rest of this week, and next week, and finals are that weekend. I'm so excited for the holidays! I love Thanksgiving. It's been too long since I've seen my family. I'm so excited that Nicole is graduating and I'm really excited to spend time with her. Over the break we are going to enroll Jackson in doggy day care. Today he's there on a trial basis, just to make sure he does okay. You get the first day for free before you can make reservations. I know he's going to love it. And I'm glad because he will be tired and happy when we pick him up. It's only $20 for 12 hours. I think that's really affordable, especially if it's only for 5 or 6 days. So when we're sitting down to Thanksgiving dinner with all the people and excitement, we don't have to worry about Jackson jumping up on people, or barking, or chasing the cat. If it goes well, then we will board him there while we're on our cruise in December. Daniel and I love watching him on the web cam while we're at school. There are a lot of black dogs, so it's hard to pick him out sometimes.

We have started planning our honeymoon and I am beyond excited! I'm just starting to realize how expensive it's going to be, but I feel like this is our chance to go all out and do something totally exotic. Right now we're planning on about $6000 for 10 days in Egypt. Including the flight. If we keep our wedding costs down, we should be able to use the leftovers to pay for the entire honeymoon. Some of our plans are to ride camels into the desert and have dinner with a Bedouin family, go snorkeling or scuba diving in the Red Sea (maybe even with hammerhead sharks or whale sharks or dolphins!), sail on the Nile River, and of course seeing the pyramids, tombs, etc. I'm so EXCITED!! It's in a little over a year. That's not that far away, I can wait that long.

The other development as of late is my future career. I have, for the moment, decided to go to PA school before having children. I'm hoping to take one year off after college, work for that year at National Jewish, and then go to PA school for the 2-3 years that takes. Then hopefully Daniel will be able to support us for that time, and save up some money for our family. That, of course, is subject to change. But for now I'm happy with that plan. And I know everybody else is too. Especially Daniel. He keeps telling me he's not ready to have children. And I respect that. I don't want to force him into that before he's ready. It won't be nearly as much fun.

Moral Dilemma

On Wednesday, in my abnormal psychology class, my professor told us that he posted a study guide. I had my computer out, so I immediately downloaded it and saved it to my desktop. He continued to lecture, which I found very boring, so I pulled up the study guide and started reading through it. It was 50 multiple choice questions- exactly like the test. I figured he pulled out an old test from a few years ago, and gave that to us to study from. I read through about the first 35 questions, and then I decided I should pay attention to his lecture. After the first hour, we have a break. After the break, he told us that he had accidentally posted the TEST instead of a study guide! So he immediately deleted it, and asked how many people had already downloaded it. Me and about 5 other people (out of about 40) raised our hands. He asked anyone who had already downloaded it to delete it as well. He said he is going to have to write a whole new test now. He was very unhappy about it because it takes him a long time to write questions and he likes to re-use questions from past years. So I guess he had this test out on his computer, and he was using that to write the study guide. But instead of posting the study guide he posted the test. Definitely his mistake. So now, my dilemma: I still have the study guide. And my classmates are asking for a copy. I've already read through the first 35 questions. I feel like it's only fair to give everyone else the same opportunity that I had. And he said he was rewriting the entire test anyways. But, he asked us to delete it so I'm sure he doesn't want us to distribute it. Everyone in class saw me raise my hand so they know I have it. I have already emailed it to two friends. Should I use it to study? I feel like it only makes sense. If I want to do well, I should use any resources I have. And it's his fault for posting it, and his responsibility to fix it. I don't know what the right thing to do is. Maybe there isn't a right thing. I don't know.

Today at work I was extremely productive! I ran a gel, which always makes me super nervous. I have never been able to really do it perfect. Something always goes wrong. But today was the closest I've ever gotten and it seemed to turn out fine. I'm so happy and relieved about that. I also got to see some little mouse babies that were born. They're so cute once they're a few days old and their hair has grown in.

Daniel leaves tomorrow for Phoenix. I'm totally dreading it. Our roommates are moving out today, our other roommate is in Phoenix, and Daniel is in Phoenix. That means I will be completely alone for about 3 days. I don't like that. Maybe I will enjoy it, I don't know. I'm pretty sure I will not enjoy answering the door and handing out candy a million times by myself. That doesn't sound like a lot of fun. But I am planning on going out for drinks with Hope at some point this weekend. So at least that's one night I won't be by myself.

Last night was a seniors only Happy Hour at a local restaurant/bar on campus. It was really great to see some friends and have a few drinks. But it kind of made me sad. I can't believe that I'm almost done with college. I will miss it so much. I think it will be much harder to get together with friends when you don't see them every day in class. And I will miss the whole college atmosphere- going to parties and out to bars, talking about classes and professors and things like that. College is more fun than I ever thought it would be. I'm so sad that it's almost over. But I'm sure the next part of my life will be fun too.

Anniversary and Birthday

My birthday was great, and our anniversary too. The whole weekend was really fun. I think mostly because I got to spend lots of time with Daniel, in which he was not answering his phone or on his computer. We went out to eat at a really fun Spanish restaurant that reminded me of when we were actually in Spain. I want to go back to Europe! That night was almost ruined because our third roommate, Whitney, emailed Daniel to tell him she's moving out too. And she wants to move out on Nov 10 and not pay rent. Which means she gave us about one week to find a replacement roommate, who could not move in until Nov 10, which means we couldn't charge that person for the whole month of November either. Ridiculous! So he's going to tell her she has to pay for all of Nov. Especially because she moved in 2 weeks early without paying rent for that month either. We were both really worried about finding a new roommate, which put us both in a bad mood on our anniversary. But we decided to not talk about it and enjoy our night- which we did! So we posted an ad, and we've already had some interest that seems promising.

Then the day after my birthday we went out for sushi. Sushi is my absolute favorite now, I want it every time we go out to eat. It was really crazy because the waitress asked for my ID when I ordered a drink, and she noticed my birthday was the day before, and she said that she has the exact same birthday- day and year. So weird! I was kind of disappointed because my birthday didn't really feel like a special day. I still had to go to class, and take a really hard midterm. But Daniel got me flowers and all the text messages and facebook messages made me happy.

Work is definitely the best part of my life right now. I love what I'm doing- still. Last Friday, I got to work for hours in the BRC (where we keep animals). Working with animals is my favorite. I put together mating pairs. It's a lot more difficult than it sounds. I had to fill out 30 cage cards (say what is in the cage, who it belongs to, etc.) and put one male and one female in each of 30 cages. But you can only open cages under the hood to keep them sterile. So it was a lot of putting a cage under the hood, taking it out, putting a new one under, etc. A lot of juggling cages and tops. And at one point I got bit really bad. I held onto a mouse a little too long and he turned around and bit me until I dropped him (in a cage, thank goodness).

Registration for next quarter is coming up, and I had a difficult time figuring that out. There are 3 classes that I have to take to graduate, and those add up to 9 credits. I need 12 to be full-time. The problem is that I still want to have time during the day that I can go to work, and those 3 classes are really hard. So I need a fourth class that is not very time-consuming and easy. Solution: piano lessons! Piano is 2 credits for half hour lessons, and 4 credits for one hour lessons each week. So I will be full-time by adding just one hour to my schedule. Daniel told me it's really difficult to get a spot, but I emailed the graduate students who are teaching next quarter and one already added me to her schedule. I'm s o relieved and excited! I love to play, and I've never taken lessons from anyone except Mary. So this should be really interesting. I'm also going to take a one credit class that works on resume, cover letter, interview skills and career options in chemistry and biochemistry. Hopefully that will give me some direction in my career goals.

Week 6 of my last Autumn Quarter

I can't believe it's already week 6! My last autumn quarter of college is over halfway complete. That's crazy! I am loving this quarter. My classes are not very difficult, they're interesting for the most part, I don't have a ton of homework, and I get to spend lots of time with Daniel during the day and have lunch with him almost every day. Oh, and the best part is that I get to sleep in every single morning! I did very well on my first round of midterms, and the next round is coming up next week.

Work is also going extremely well. I absolutely love it. I love the people I'm working with and I love the work I'm doing. I've been working there long enough that I feel a sense of seniority and I feel like I genuinely belong there. Now that we have another student, it's great to have someone to work with. I am passing on a lot of things to her that I've learned in the past 10 months. We get along really well, and we even share our bench space. I have noticed this very gradual transition that started over the summer. I feel like my brain is little by little spending less time thinking like a student and more time thinking like an employee. I am focusing less on homework and tests, and more on projects and things that need to get done at work. I have to be careful though, because I still need to do well in my classes. I remember at this point in high school, my mind was very far away from high school and already looking towards college. I don't want that to happen quite so quickly this time. But it's good that I'm preparing myself. I am relieved that I have a job lined up that I'm already comfortable with and I know I love, but I'm worried about the pay. I don't know exactly what it will be, but I've heard starting wage is around $28,000 a year plus full benefits. It's salary, based on a 40 hour work week. That seems pretty reasonable, considering Daniel and I are living on about $18,000 a year right now (not including tuition of course). I'm also not sure if I'll have to work full time all summer on $8 an hour (like I did last summer) before they put me on salary. I sure hope not, because I'm worth way more than that and I know it. I'm worth more than that now! So I am still keeping my options open.

Daniel and I have been talking about career options some more. After speaking with my mom a little bit, I was considering getting certification to be a lab technologist like she and my grandma were. I wasn't sure that's exactly what I wanted to do, but I thought it would be a good backup plan if I was ever desperate for a job. When I looked into the requirements, it seemed to be more work than it would be worth. So that's out. I still desperately want to be a PA. But 1000x times more, I want to be a mom. I'm kind of afraid that if I don't go to PA school right away, then I never will. But I don't want to take out a ton of loans to go to PA school (which we would have to do if I did that now) and I want to start a family so badly! There isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish I had a baby to hold. Every time I see kids, it makes me want one more and more. I'm so jealous of everyone I know that has a family. So as passionate as I am about becoming a PA, I'm way more passionate about my family. So for now, that wins.

In the more immediately future, I'm so excited that our roommates are MOVING OUT!!! I feel so much like I have two incredibly immature annoying teenagers. Except I'm afraid to ask them to pick up after themselves. And they smoke and drink a lot. And I can't tell them to do their chores or whatever else. They had two friends who slept in the guest room for 5 nights, and 3 nights after they left the bed was still unmade with the dirty sheets, and muddy paw prints on the mattress. So I timidly asked if their friend was gone now, and would they please clean the guest room. It's so hard for me to ask them to do stuff, I'm so afraid they are going to think I'm annoying. They probably do, but isn't it common courtesy to clean up the sheets and bed (which all belong to us by the way) when your guests leave? I am so done with them. I'm done looking at cigarette butts on the ground, I'm done putting their dirty dishes in the dishwasher, I'm done listening to them and their friends shout over each other at midnight, I'm done taking out the recycling garbage full of beer cans 5 times a day, and I'm done listening to them stomp around above my head at 7am. DONE!! And in 2 weeks, I won't have to anymore :-)

Also in 2 weeks, or less actually, is my birthday! I'm 22 years old. Wow. I keep comparing myself to what other people I know or other people in the news or on TV are doing at this age. Many of my friends at this age have another 2-5 years of school ahead of them and are nowhere close to getting married or starting a family. Other friends at this age are married with kids and a career and are completely independent. And most are somewhere in the middle- like me! Though I'm closer to the second one than the first (thank goodness). Each year gets better and better. And I think my 22nd year of life is going to be the best one yet! Daniel and I are also celebrating our 8 year anniversary this Friday. 8 whole years together. I can't imagine my life without him. He's been there for every major point in my life. I know him better than I know myself I think. I'm so excited that we're getting married and having our own little family! He's the best :-)

Monterey

I've been so busy lately, I haven't had time to write. I just got back from Monterey, CA where I saw my brother graduate from the Defense Language Institute. I'm so proud of him, and so happy that he's found something he is good at and he wants to do with his life. The entire family was there and we got to meet his friends, and see where he lives, and Nicole and I got to meet many of his teachers. They were all so friendly and told us we were beautiful, and offered us food. Aaron told us that it's their culture (they're all native Arabs), but I choose to believe it's because we were so charming :-) We went kayaking over a kelp forest through a huge school of jellyfish and surrounded by seals and sea lions. That was definitely a highlight. It was just great to spend time with the family, especially my brother and sister. Every time I spend time with them, it makes me want more than ever to move back to be close to them all. I feel like I have limited time with my grandparents and they are so important to me, I don't want to waste a minute I could be spending with them.

School is going fantastic. Compared to last quarter, this quarter has been a breeze. I have had very little homework besides reading the textbook. I just took my first round of midterms and they went fairly well. I actually got 39/40 in my abnormal psych class, which was the highest grade in the class. I'm not sure that has ever happened in my college career. Without any labs, I have a lot more time. I get to sleep in every single morning which has reduced my stress level a lot.

The roommate situation has deteriorated rapidly. They told us last week that they are moving out on November 1, and it can't come soon enough. I'm just so tired of the constant noise and messiness and smoke smell and cleaning up after them. I feel so much like a parent, it's so irritating! I don't understand how people older than us can be so less mature. Did our parents really teach us that much more? They don't understand things like turning out lights when you leave, and taking out the garbage, and emptying the dishwasher when it's done. I feel a constant irritation under the surface. I'm always debating whether to say something, whether to ask them to be quiet or pick up after themselves, but I never do. And it's building up this resentment that would eventually blow if I didn't know they were moving out soon. And the best part is that Daniel has decided not to get another roommate. If he pays $200 a month, we don't need another roommate. And now he can afford that because he has a few regular jobs. I'm so happy! That means only one other person putting food in the ridge, leaving dirty dishes around, and coming in late making noise. Much less than 3 people plus a dog. If that $200 gets to be too much, then we'll start looking for another roommate. In the meantime, I really hoping Nicole will come stay with us. She graduates just before November, so I want her to come stay here between Thanksgiving and Christmas. We're not in class, so we'll have plenty of time to spend together. She'll have her own bedroom, and if she pays rent it will help us a lot with that extra $200. But if she doesn't, that's fine too. I just want to spend some time together while we can.

P Chem Midterm

What a crazy morning. I had to take my physical chemistry midterm early, because I am flying to Monterey for my brother's graduation tonight. So I got to school an hour early this morning, and went to my professor's classroom where he was teaching a different class. As I sat there waiting for him, the students in the class asked what I was doing there. I told them I was taking an exam for another one of his classes. They asked what class, and I told them P Chem. This obnoxious kid in the front row started quizzing me! Like seriously, asking me "what is the van der waals equation?" and "what do and a and b stand for?" I'm sitting there like, did I ask for a review session? NO! I'm just sitting quietly waiting to take my exam. And he won't stop! Then my professor walks in, shuts the door, and starts setting up his computer. I asked him politely if I am taking the test here or in another room and he looks at me with a very confused expression. Then he told me he forgot to print out the test for me. Great. So we walk upstairs to the chemistry office, where he asks to borrow the secretary's computer so he can print it. Then he explains to me that he's just going to print out the practice exam he posted online last night for everyone to study from. Now I'm really upset with myself for not remembering to look it over last night. So he puts me in an empty room and tells me if I have a question, I can come downstairs and interrupt his lecture and ask him (yeah, right). What a surreal morning. I hope I do well on the test, or at least decent. Because all of that crap was really distracting. What a dumb professor. I confirmed that I was taking the test this morning 3 times, including once at 2pm yesterday. As in, less than 24 hours ago. Stupid.

A Church Home

I am so frustrated that I haven't been able to find a church here in Denver. It's so important to me that I find a church in which I feel that I fit in now, as an almost married young 20-something with no children, and also in the future, when we have children. As I grew up, my church was always a safe place that felt like home. And I am still looking for a place that will give me that same feeling here. I'm afraid that I have the wrong expectation. Right now, I feel like I just haven't found the right church yet. But maybe it's that I haven't invested enough of myself in any one place. But why would I invest myself in a church unless I know it's the right one? Daniel and I have attended services at many local churches (and there are a lot of them). I'm pretty sure Methodist is not what I'm looking for. They just don't offer a whole lot for young adults and young families. So I've looked at some Lutheran, Presbyterian, and even a UCC (United Church of Christ) that I liked quite a bit, but their teaching was not what I believe. We also went to a service that was very much a grassroots, college student-led church. That was NOT for me. It met in an old warehouse and the preacher looked like he just graduated from high school. And the entire congregation was college students and young adults.

I need a church that has older people with the wisdom that comes with age, people who have theology degrees, people that are maybe 5 or 10 years ahead of me, and people right where I am. I think a wide range is important to provide peers to identify with, and people to look up to and learn from. I also prefer a more traditional service, with hymns and scripture readings and the familiar liturgy that has been used for over 100 years. But I want a church that's forward-thinking as well. A church that accepts all people, and is in tune with what's going on in the world today. And the music is very important to me as well. It can't be bad or I just won't be able to stand listening to it. Is that so difficult?

I think a huge problem is that Daniel and I are looking for different things. This is a growing concern for me. Though he considers himself a Christian, when he says what he believes it contradicts traditional Christian beliefs, at least what I know to be traditional Christian beliefs. Every time we have this discussion about what church to attend or what we will teach our children, every time he talks about what he believes, it grates on me. Where he is looking for a church that is more open to interpretation, I am looking for a church that is familiar in its teachings. Daniel is more focused on the "being a good person" instead of the "believing in Jesus Christ," like I was taught.

Besides the core values, we differ in the type of worship we like. I want a service with a choir, hymns, scripture readings, and a sermon. Daniel prefers a rock band and a conversational and informal sermon. He really enjoyed the church that had almost all college-age people. He also liked the UCC church. It really worries me, because he didn't grow up with the Sunday School teachings that I did. So he isn't as firm in what he believes. Or, maybe he is firm in what he believes, but it's very unorthodox compared to what I do. And it's so important to me that we raise our children in the church that I was raised in. It's such an important part of me, and I will be devastated if my children don't get that same experience. Of course when they get old enough, they can choose for themselves what they believe, and if they want to go to church with me and Daniel. But until then, I want our family to attend church together. And there is no way I would be okay going to a Unitarian church or anything like that.

I definitely feel like there's something missing. And I will until I find a church family and a church home. I don't feel a real sense of urgency until we have children. By then, we will just have to pick one because there's no way I will not take my children to church. I'll just keep looking. And hope that we can find the perfect church out there that will meet my needs, and Daniel's needs, and those of our future family.

Back to School

I am SO HAPPY to be back at school. It feels great to get back into a routine and see all my friends. So far my classes don't seem like they'll be too difficult. My psychology classes are always easy. This professor has a good sense of humor, and is very straightforward about everything. He made it clear on the first day that he has high expectations, and that many of his students find his tests challenging, but as long as we attend class and do the reading then we should have no problem getting an A or B. That's exactly the way I like it. Plus, I find the topic absolutely fascinating. We'll be discussing all kinds of mental disorders. Biochemistry has been pretty boring so far, because it's just review. Since this class is combining all the disciplines (physics, chemistry, and biology) that we've learned so far, the first week is just a big review of all these concepts. So it's really boring. It's a typical science class in that it's just lecture, reading, studying, taking the test. My third class I have with Daniel! I love having a class with him. It's the first time since freshman year. The class is about children's literature and what message they are sending and why we choose particular stories to read to our children. We will spend the first 3 or 4 weeks learning about different perspectives on children (psychological, educational, sociological, historical, etc.). Then the next week we will each have a chance to present our favorite children's book. And the rest of the term we will read 1-3 books a week at each age level. Starting with infant/toddlers, then preschool, then early readers, then late readers, and ending with young adults. I will LOVE reading the children's books, but I will HATE writing about them. It seems like I'll have to write at least 5 pages for each class (twice a week). That's a lot of writing. Yuck. My final class is physical chemistry. I've had this professor before, and he is extremely disorganized and scatterbrained. But the benefit to that is that he has very low expectations of his students, and is very lenient on his grading. For example, if the entire class complains that a question is too hard, he'll throw it out or something like that. He is the kind of professor who wants his students to like him. Not very authoritative. And to my benefit, that means that he is allowing me to take the midterm early so that I can fly to California for my brother's graduation from the army's Defense Language Institute! I'm so glad I'll be able to go. My sister is flying out, and my ENTIRE family is driving there from Arizona for the weekend. And this means I will miss two classes, one of which will be an exam which I will have already taken. So I will really only miss one hour of actual lecture. Back to the class, we were asked to split up into groups of 3. Half of the class period will be lecture, and the other half will be assigned problems that we complete as a group. Lucky for me, one girl in my group is a math major! This is so lucky because the class has a lot of calculus background, which I have not taken in 3 years and remember very little of. I was already planning on calling my sister for help, but now I have a group member who should be able to refresh my memory as well. Regardless, we all have to take a "calculus assessment" test online so that our professor knows how much to go over.

So those are my classes this quarter. I'm excited! I don't have any class before 11am, and I am still able to work about 10 hours a week on Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday afternoons. I have been happier the past few days than I have been in a long while. I think it's the socializing with new people, and getting outside that is making me so happy. Doing the same thing every single day is just so boring. Now I have much more independence and free time. And since I'm away from home so much more, the roommates aren't getting on my nerves nearly as much. I can't believe that in May, I will have a college diploma. A Bachelor's of Science degree! It's unbelievable really. I will feel so accomplished when I finally have that degree. I feel such a sense of security. Like I shouldn't ever have to worry about making enough money to support my family. Although I know that's not true, especially in this economy, it still feels better than not having a degree. And I have worked SO HARD for it too. That's what makes it feel even better.

Compromising with the Roommates

In the past few days, Daniel and I have made some changes to help with the roommate situation and I'm feeling much better. The first thing we did was buy a mini-fridge. Now instead of filling up our fridge with beer, all drinks go in the mini-fridge. That has helped so much. Our refrigerator has much more room and I don't have an anxiety attack every time I open it. We also asked that nobody throw cigarette butts into the garbage. Everyone agreed, but I guess it's hard to remember because the garbage still occasionally smells like smoke. It's so disgusting. The backyard has improved, but not because Dave finally got a storage unit. Instead, he parked his little trailer in the back corner of our yard. Daniel gave in because he thought it was a reasonable compromise. I think it looks terrible in the backyard, but I'm willing to compromise too. I just hope this makes it easier for him to keep all his stuff picked up and not all over the yard.

Finally, we fixed the squeaky floors! For 3 nights in a row our roommates came home around 2 or 3am. I was asleep, of course, and the noise from their floors squeaking woke me up. I couldn't go back to sleep again until they went to bed. The squeak is right at the entrance to Lily and Dave's room which means anytime either of them, or their dog, walk in or out of the room it makes a really loud squeaky noise that keeps me up. I decided that this absolutely had to be fixed before school starts. I am going to be very angry if I can't sleep during the school year. And I know it's not their fault that their floor squeaks, but it was hard for me to not blame them and be annoyed with them for coming in late and waking me up. So we went to Home Depot and asked for help in the flooring department. The employee wasn't optimistic. He told us we could try, but short of replacing the floors (at around $8000) there isn't much you can do about an old wood floor squeaking. We bought some heavy duty screws, and screwed the squeaky floorboards into the joists. Then we filled in the tiny hole with color-matched wood putty. And it worked! It took a lot of screws, but you can't even see them.

I really hope these little things will help keep me sane, and make it easier for the roommates to accommodate us. And I'm trying to be less clean-freakish. But that's hard to do.

I need a break from life.

The past few days, I have felt off. Like I'm not myself. And it's really affecting my life in a negative way. I'm annoyed with everyone and everything. I'm going to extreme measures so that I don't have to go to work. I just want to lay in bed and watch TV all day. What's wrong with me?

Yesterday I called in sick to work. I slept until lunchtime. I was pessimistic all day. I'm irritated with our roommates. The house was clean when we got home (which was a nice surprise) but there's stuff everywhere. They have a trailer that has been sitting in front of our house since they moved in, and we were told they were getting a storage unit the day they moved in. The garbage is overflowing, and there are dirt bike parts, rags, and other random stuff all over the backyard. They left a cooler in front of our front door, and parked their dirt bike in the driveway right next to a huge cardboard box that's too big to fit in the garbage can. This is particularly annoying to me because I know Jackson will chew up pretty much anything he can get in his mouth if it's outside. Then last night while we were cooking dinner, we discovered that our kitchen scissors that came with our nice knife set were missing. Our roommates told us that Jackson chewed them up. For him to get the scissors, someone must have been using them and left them on the ground or outside somewhere. Why would anybody use a nice pair of kitchen scissors outside? They are meant for food! And they're expensive! And I've told them repeatedly not to leave things outside because Jackson will chew them up. Then we opened the fridge, and there was not room to put anything. The fridge was full of beer (over 24 cans!) and takeout containers. It's so ridiculous. Daniel and I like to cook with fresh vegetables, and to fill up the fridge with so much beer is a complete waste of space.

So, Daniel and I resolved to speak to them that evening. They need to get a storage unit to get rid of the trailer and all their dirt bikes and parts. They need to clean up the backyard so there's nothing for Jackson to eat. They need to take out the garbage if it's overflowing, and take large boxes to the dumpster. They need to limit the amount of space they take up in the fridge, and it would be nice if they didn't drink so much beer too!

This whole situation on top of the argument with Daniel's dad has just put me over the edge. I can't think about anything else. I hardly slept last night. To make it worse, Daniel's dad called. He called from Daniel's mom's cell phone because he knew Daniel wouldn't answer if it was him. And he kept pushing the same old issue. Daniel changed the subject, but I think he should have hung up.

So now I'm laying in bed with some candles lit and my computer, and I'm going to try to de-stress and calm down. I know I'm blowing all of this out of proportion and I don't want to say anything I will regret to Daniel's dad or to our roommates.

Incredible Anger

I'm back home in Denver. The best part about vacation for me is the feeling when I'm back home. I love our little house and our puppy and having time to ourselves! It's so hard staying with parents for an entire week. There is literally not any time that we are by ourselves together. It's so draining, especially for me. I need time by myself to unwind and re-energize.

The main point of the week for me was to spend time with my sister and my grandparents. Which I got to do plenty of. But also, to plan the wedding. We got so much accomplished. We signed the contract and put down a deposit on our venue and with our photographer. We also picked the florist, caterer, bakery, and some other details. With my dress and veil picked out, I feel like I have a much clearer picture of what that day is going to look like, with one exception: the groomsmen.

Since we got engaged, there has been discussion over whether Daniel's older brother Rennie should be a groomsman. At first, Daniel was pretty sure he wanted Evan (his twin brother) to be his best man, and fraternity brothers to fill in the other spots. And his Dad (and to some extent his Mom) has made it very clear that they expect him to include Rennie as a groomsman. The problem with that is that it's one less spot for his fraternity brothers. And Daniel is not very close to his brother. Rennie is sort of the problem child of the family, and he's just not that fun to hang out with. Daniel and I try very hard to spend time with him, but it's pretty much always obligatory, and not by choice. But Daniel feels immense pressure from his parents to include Rennie. His parents are the type that make their opinions known by everyone loud and clear, and expect Daniel to be obedient. This discussion became a serious argument this week.

It started literally in the car as we left the airport after we landed. His mom brought it up in the car, and we discussed it for a while before we decided to just let it go and give Daniel some time to think it over. It didn't really come up again until our last night in town. His dad, Robert, was extremely rude. When the rest of us (Daniel, me, and his mom) asked him to drop it, he completely ignored us and kept pushing the issue. He actually said that if Daniel didn't pick Rennie as a groomsman, he wouldn't attend the wedding. He quickly said that wasn't true, but the words were already out. The way he approached the issue was aggressive, disrespectful, and demanding. He didn't recognize at all that this is Daniel's decision. In fact, he told him repeatedly that he had no choice in the matter. That he must do the right thing. That Rennie is his brother, and he can't take this decision back. He'll regret it for the rest of his life. His fraternity brothers aren't as important as his real brother. During this entire argument, I was screaming in my head, but I didn't say anything. I am extremely proud of myself. It was one of the most difficult things I've had to do in my entire life. But I did it. I stayed out of it, and I was respectful despite his extremely rude behavior. The last words we spoke to each other were in anger. And I haven't seen him or spoke to him since.

During our engagement, I have tried hard to encourage Daniel to make his own decision. He has a history (in my opinion) of doing what his parents tell him to do simply to avoid conflict. He is the peacemaker of the family. Practically since we started dating I have been trying to get him to stand up for himself. The first person he has learned to stand up to is me. I'm glad, too. I don't want a husband who does whatever I tell him; I want a life partner. But he still has a hard time going against his parents. Which is why I was so angry that his father pushed the issue so hard. Because we all know that Daniel will eventually cave. But so far, I have been very proud of Daniel. He stood up to his dad and told him that he would make his own decision later. I have been vocal in opposition to his parents. I believe that Rennie doesn't deserve to be a groomsman. He doesn't keep in touch with Daniel, he hasn't encouraged and supported our relationship, and in my opinion he hasn't been a very good big brother in the last 5 years. And even more, he got married and didn't tell Daniel or his parents for a few months afterwards! So if Rennie can get married and not tell anyone in the family, why is it so necessary for Daniel to have him stand up as someone who has supported him and our relationship? It's ridiculous! Finally, I believe, and Daniel and his mom agree, that Rennie doesn't even care! He has had no role in this argument, and likely doesn't realize that he is the subject of such extreme feelings. I have proposed that Rennie and my older brother are ushers. I think it's a great compromise: they're still in pictures, they still wear tuxedos, they're still part of the wedding party. But Daniel gets to use his closest friends and fraternity brothers as his groomsmen. Rennie probably doesn't even know the difference between being a groomsman and an usher. These are my arguments against Rennie as a groomsman, but I have tried not to be too pushy about them. In the end, I honestly want Daniel to do what he wants to do. But I think that is virtually impossible at this point. His Dad has pushed so much, that no matter what his decision it will either be because his dad made him, or because he is standing up to his dad. It's so sad that this has come down to that. His dad is being childish, selfish, and plain rude.

The entire time we were in Phoenix his dad was incredibly rude to both of us. This time of year he is very busy with his business. Daniel had planned on helping his Dad on Saturday, and earning some money in the process. Instead, he spent nearly 3 whole days of his vacation helping his dad. And there was not one thank you. His dad offered him $50 for 3 days of work. He didn't spend any time with us even though we won't see them again until Thanksgiving. Every time we invited him somewhere he said he had to work. He promised to go out for drinks with us, and then bailed at the last minute. Every time we spent time with him, he was rude and argumentative. He was demanding of Daniel's time and ungrateful for everything Daniel did to help. He was outright rude to me repeatedly. And then to top off the entire trip, demanded that Daniel make this very personal decision about our wedding. As you can tell, I am still so angry about it I can hardly stand it. He owes all of us a serious apology. Daniel asked him for an apology, and he refused and just pushed the issue more. He has damaged our relationship for a very long time, if not permanently. It will be months before I will be willing to speak to him. And I doubt I will ever get an apology. It's so sad that this is my lasting impression of the week. And really sad that my blog post about a wonderful week full of laughter and time with family and celebration of our future marriage was completely taken over by my incredible anger towards my future father-in-law.

Wedding Gown

I bought my wedding gown! Yesterday I went with my mom, my grandma, my aunt, Daniel's mom, Nicole, and Sarah. I didn't think it would be a problem to bring so many people, because none of them are particularly opinionated (except for my sister). That turned out to be wrong. Everybody had an opinion, but in the end it was easy for everyone to agree. We went to Demetrios in Scottsdale. I like a lot of their dresses, so I knew I would find one. And of course I did! I tried on 8 or 10 different dresses. They were all different variations of what I want. When I put on "the dress" everybody instantly loved it. I was surprised that all 6 people agreed so easily. I tried on a million different veils with it. There were still a few more dresses to try on, but none of them were as perfect. There was one that Nicole and Sarah liked better, but once I put on my dress again, they changed their minds. Then we got to the whole price issue. I had a budget of $1500. I had a feeling that the dress I liked would be over budget because the things I wanted are expensive (lace and beading). And it was by $200. But the saleslady told me that I get 15% off my first visit. So that put it just under budget. Then we added in tax and it was back over budget. Then Nicole said that she thinks I would be stupid not to get the dress just because it's $90 over, and she would even pay the difference if it came down to that. So I conceded. I also found the perfect veil that matches the dress, and that was surprisingly expensive. But I have a separate budget for the veil and alterations and everything like that. The saleslady knew that I was over budget, so she gave me 15% off alterations too. The most important thing is that I love LOVE my gown. It's perfectly me, and has everything I was looking for. I was surprised how well it fit everything I want. And Julie was confident that Daniel is going to love it too. The whole experience was just so much fun. Everybody enjoyed it, and everybody agreed that the dress is perfect. After the appointment we all went out for lunch. I'm dying to post pictures, but I know I can't! Poor Daniel feels so left out of the whole thing. He thinks the tradition of not seeing the dress until that day is silly. But that's the way it has to be. Now that I have the dress and the veil, my picture for that day is so much clearer. And I'm so excited!

New Roommates

This past week has been a big adjustment with the new roommates moving in. They're super nice and I feel lucky that we found fun people just through Craigslist. But living with new people is always a little hard. My biggest issue is that they smoke. I find smoking absolutely disgusting. But they are just about the most courteous smokers I have ever met. They only smoke outside, and they don't throw their cigarette butts on the ground. I still would prefer if they didn't smoke at all. It's also a little hard for me to relate to them. They grew up in Rhode Island and basically haven't ever left the northeast. They're used to a very rural environment. They have talked about having chickens and rabbits in the backyard, and have never had a fenced backyard either. Their dog, Burt, has never been on a leash either. He just roams around the forest or whatever and comes back when they call. (I wish we could trust Jackson that much!) The city is kind of new for them. But they seem to like it okay. Just about everyone loves the weather here, and they are no exception. There's one other big difference between us, and I don't know quite how to describe it exactly. I just get the impression that their families aren't like ours. Where I have grown up surrounded by college educated people, they haven't. It was always expected that I would go to college, and my parents and grandparents went to college. They, and their family, are largely blue-collar it seems to me. For example, Dave has worked in construction since he graduated high school. I'm not saying that's bad or anything, it just makes it difficult to relate to one another. It's a different culture. I'm actually kind of glad. It will be a great opportunity to expose myself to different kinds of people. I realize more and more that growing up in Scottsdale, and attending a private university, has severely limited my exposure to people not like myself. I think I'm just beginning to understand the value of diversity. Overall, it's going better than I thought. They are fun to hang out with, especially Lily. She's so outgoing and upbeat and laughing all the time. They both talk so much, it's hard to get a word in! But I'm sure that will calm down as we get to know each other better. It's been really hard for me to let strangers move into our house. Your house is supposed to be your safe place, where you always feel comfortable. But when you have roommates, it's not always that way. I hope after a few weeks I feel more comfortable.

Last night was Hope's 21st birthday so we all went downtown. Daniel and I were the only ones invited for her birthday, but we thought it would be a good chance for Lily and Dave to see downtown. I guess they were expecting a slightly different experience however. We met up with Hope and about 12 of our other friends at a wine bar, and then walked to a nearby club. Lily and Dave were really uncomfortable. I guess they just wanted a beer. They weren't really into the dancing, shots, and cocktails scene. So they went next door to a pizza place while Daniel and I stayed with Hope. I had a blast. The place we were at was called Double Daughters and the interior was designed by Tim Burton. It's so hard to describe, but it was clearly Tim Burton's style. It was the coolest place. And Hope and I took tequila shots and it was the best tequila I've ever had. And I had this drink called a teddy bear orgy that was like candy! Well, very strong alcoholic candy. It had gummy bears in it! So around midnight we thought we should meet back up with Lily and Dave and we took the light rail home. They still had a good time.

My August

Way too much has been going on and I don't have the patience to write about all of it. So, here's a quick summary of my last 3 weeks:

Chris was here for about 10 days. It was so great to spend some time together and show him around Denver. I don't usually like to go out on weekday evenings, but we did something almost every night. We went to see Daniel play with his dixieland band in downtown Littleton. And I got a little drunk. And we drove up to the top of Mt. Evans which is a 14er (higher than 14,000 ft) and I got altitude sickness, but it was still fun. Chris cooked us chicken and dumplings for dinner which was really good. I was excited to try some of his authentic southern cooking.

Then my parents came to visit. They stopped in Denver for 2 nights on their way up to Estes park for our annual vacation. It happened to coincide with the annual National Jewish all company picnic, which this year was held at the zoo! So we got a delicious barbeque dinner and admission to the zoo after hours for free. The next day, Thursday, was the final day of my internship. I presented my research project to the whole lab and my parents and Daniel. I was kind of nervous, but it went really well. I'm glad it's over! My parents brought their new puppy, Rocky. He's 4 months old now so he's still a baby and he can walk right under Jackson's chest. At first he was terrified of Jackson, but when we put him behind a fence, he was a little braver and by the end of the night they were chasing each other around the backyard and rolling around in the grass together. Thursday night Sarah happened to be passing through Denver, so she stopped by as well. On Friday my parents, me, Daniel, and Sarah drove out to Golden and toured the Coors brewery. I had little tastes of Daniel's beer. We got 3 free beers, which is way more than I can drink. Then we drove further north up to Boulder where we tasted wine at Boulder Creek winery. It was so good and my parents bought us 3 or 4 bottles of it :-) They also bought us an entire set of pots and pans from Costco. Our set was a mix of goodwill and handed down from Daniel's parents so it was really nice to get a good set. Good pots and pans make a big difference in cooking. Anyways, after the winery, we drove to the celestial seasonings tea factory and took a tour there. That was awesome! Every few steps, there is a new delicious smell. And there was a whole room just for storing mint because it's so strong. Walking in there it stung your eyes because the smell was so strong! I loved it though. Then Daniel, Sarah, and me cooked dinner for all of us at our house.

The next morning Sarah left for Phoenix and we went up to Estes Park. We spent the weekend at my parents' cabin. Most of our time was spent walking Jackson, playing fetch with Jackson, taking him out, and trying to keep him and Rocky apart. If they were in the same room, then they were playing. They just couldn't help it. I was really glad they got along though. It was fun to watch them together. On Sunday my dad took us out fishing at a pond. Daniel caught 3 1/2 fish, way more than everyone else. They were big fish too!

On Monday we drove back to Denver and on Tuesday our new roommates moved in. We introduced Jackson to their dog, Burt, at the dog park. Burt is a 2 year old yellow lab. They got along great. And now they are best buds. The only bad thing is that they constantly hump each other. We think they're trying to determine dominance. Hopefully that will stop soon. It's already diminished a lot. Right now Jackson is laying at my feet, and Burt is laying a few feet away. So they're perfectly comfortable with each other.

Work is getting tiring. I just want a few days off. I will get some time off next week when we go to Phoenix. We're going from Wednesday to Wednesday. And in that time I am going wedding gown shopping, and showing everyone our venue, and cake tasting, and food tasting, and I have an appointment here and there. But I would really love some vacation time just at home. Every single day off I have been traveling somewhere. So though it's fun, it's not very restful. I'm really looking forward to school starting.

That was a lot. Now I'm all caught up, and hopefully I won't wait so long to blog next time.

Farmer's Market

For nearly 2 whole days we are completely roommateless. It's kind of strange. And very nice. We took the opportunity to clean out the roommate's bedrooms. They haven't been cleaned probably since we moved in over a year ago. Or at least that's the way it seemed judging by the amount of dust and dirt. The guest bathroom was also in need of a deep cleaning. Seriously, who lets the toilet get so bad that there's a stain around the rim? Gross! It seems ridiculous that we have to clean up after our 21 year old roommates, but I guess not everyone is as responsible as we are. We felt that it would be rude for our new roommates to have to clean their room before they even move in. So we cleaned it. It took us about 4 hours to clean two empty bedrooms and a bathroom. Half of me was annoyed that our old roommates were so rude, and half of me was just glad that we could get in there and do it ourselves. We do have rather high standards compared to other people.

This morning we went to a farmer's market. It's the largest one in Colorado, and it's just 5 minutes away. It was so much fun! There was live music, and tons of booths set up. There were local farms selling the typical produce, and also people selling homemade soap, an entire cow, organic dog food, homemade jellies and jams, and even a vineyard! We also got to try some goat's cheese that was just made yesterday. For lunch we got a pizza that was made completely fresh from all local ingredients right in front of us. They crushed up fresh tomatoes, sprinkled some mozzarella on top, and topped it with basil. It was the best pizza I've ever had! I love the idea of buying local produce. I would much rather give my money to small local farmers than huge industrial farms in South America or Mexico. The food has to travel a much shorter distance so it's more environmentally friendly and fresher too. We can definitely tell the difference- the tomatoes, lettuce, and onions taste amazing. Since we discovered the market 3 weeks ago, we haven't bought a single vegetable or fruit from the grocery store. It also encourages us to eat seasonal produce, which is more healthy too.

With our local produce Daniel cooked pad thai for dinner tonight. I was a little apprehensive because I don't love thai food in the first place, and it sounded too complicated to make ourselves. But it was delicious! It tasted just like the stuff we get at small thai restaurants. There's something so satisfying about eating homemade meals. Daniel and I love to cook. We almost never eat out- except for sushi. I really prefer to eat at home most of the time. You can better control how much you eat, and what's in the food you eat. We can choose to use less salt and less butter in our recipes.

On a completely unrelated note, Daniel and I have finally come to a sort of agreement about our future plans. With graduation so close, we have been discussing our future a lot. Mostly our careers and family. It's been really difficult to figure out how we are going to time everything. I want to have kids right away, while Daniel wants to wait a few years and enjoy our time as young single people. He wants to make some money, and spend it on things that are not children. But on our flight to Chicago, he told me that he was beginning to think my plan was a better idea!!! After thinking about it a lot, he agrees that we have had plenty of time to be just a couple. He also understands that more than anything, I want to be a mom. So we have sort of come to a tentative plan: I graduate in June 2011, the wedding in December 2011, Daniel graduates March 2012, and we have kids about one year later in the Spring of 2013. I know that seems like we're planning way too far ahead, but it's really only 3 years away. Well, 3 and a half. That's not long at all! In the time between my graduation and us having kids, I will work full time. Daniel will hopefully get a job soon after graduation so we will have some money to support kids. Then when our kids are older, maybe when they start Kindergarten, I can go back to school. I can get my master's, PhD, PA, or whatever. I think this plan will work well because I won't have to worry about balancing a very important career with being a mom. I can just plan on taking a few years off and when I'm ready to go back, I'll have a brand new career. While I have young children, I can work part-time as a research tech or something similar to what I'm doing now. I just can't believe that Daniel has agreed to this plan! He has finally realized that my career is completely secondary to my family. Although everyone tells me how smart I am and that I can do anything I want (including be a doctor), all I want is to be a mom. I'll worry about the big fancy job later. Now I wonder what my parents will think about this plan. My guess is, they won't like it very much.

Chicago!

We're back from Chicago and it was an amazing trip. My sister is the best. She completely spoiled us. I could tell it meant a lot to her that we came and she wanted to make sure we didn't regret it by spending too much money. So we got to do all the fun touristy stuff without worrying about how much it costs. On our first day, we went on a lunch cruise on Michigan Ave. off of Navy Pier. Half the boat was taken up with all the interns at Allstate. We got to meet some of Nicole's friends and got a great view of the city. It was incredibly hot and humid that day, so we didn't want to be outside too much. Then we went to Millennium Park and shopping on Michigan Ave. It rained really hard, so we took cover for dinner at the Grand Luxe Cafe right on Michigan Ave. Then we walked to Buckingham Fountain. On every hour, music plays and it lights up with all different colors. Since the sun set, it was much cooler and nice to be outside.

Saturday we went to the Field Museum, more shopping on Michigan Ave., and dinner at Rosebud. That was an incredible dinner. Every food was absolutely delicious. At the Field Museum there was an exhibit on DNA and these big glass windows where you could "watch real scientists working." There was a guy in there and I recognized what he was doing because I do it in my lab all the time. We use the same exact kit. It was cool to be able to explain exactly what was happening. After dinner we went back to Millennium Park for a free concert with the Grant Park Orchestra and Choir. It was a very emotional and powerful piece written about Jews during WWII. That night the weather was so beautiful too.

On Sunday, we had our Chicago style pizza lunch at Giordano's. It was crazy busy, so we put in our names and then did some more shopping for about 45 minutes until we got a table. That was really good pizza! One piece and I was full! We went to the contemporary art museum which would have been really boring except that Nicole knows how to make anything fun (mostly by making fun of the boring tour guide whose answer to just about every question was "I don't know"). Then we took the train North to the Second City show. We got there early enough that we got seats right in the front. And what was really crazy is that sitting at the table with us was a girl who also grew up in Scottsdale. And graduated from Horizon High School. And played the clarinet in marching band! She graduated just before we started there, but we had lots of mutual friends and we had actually heard of her since she was drum major. On Monday, Nicole had to work so we were on our own. We went to Lincoln Park zoo before heading to the airport to come home.

The best part of the weekend was hanging out with my sister. We have so much fun when we're together. I was quite surprised that we still think on the same wavelength. I can still predict what she's going to say, and I still know a lot of her likes and dislikes. We haven't lived in the same city for 3 years, so that's kind of strange, but it makes me happy too. We're still as identical as always :-) I was really sad on Monday. It sucks that we only see each other every few months. We absolutely have to move closer to each other in the next few years.