Adjustment

Last night Elijah slept in his crib for the first time, and he did great!  About 3 weeks ago we discovered that if we put him to bed in his swing, he would sleep almost all night.  He fell into a routine almost immediately of waking up just once between 3:30 and 4:30am and then right back to sleep, usually until I had to wake him up to eat and go to day care.  Two nights ago we accidentally stopped the swing after his early morning feeding and he still slept just fine.  So last night I thought we should try the crib.  And guess what- he followed the same schedule.  I knew that he could sleep in a crib because he does at day care.  Now we know he can all night long as well.  This feels like such a huge milestone to me.  When we brought him home from the hospital I couldn't imagine him sleeping all the way upstairs in that giant crib by himself.  And here we are, 10 weeks later.  And it was so easy!  I know people read a million books and spend weeks of misery trying to get their baby to sleep through the night and in his own crib.  Elijah is just the easiest baby in every way that counts.  I know we are incredibly spoiled, and I definitely appreciate it.  There are just a few tiny issues that I would love to solve.  One is his spitting up.  We have to have a bib on him all the time because otherwise his shirt is soaked through in minutes.  Eventually I know he'll grow out of it, but for now it's just really annoying.  The other thing is riding in the car seat.  And he's not even that bad.  I've heard stories of other babies that scream all the time, every time they are in the car seat.  Elijah just gets tired of it.  My commute is about 30 minutes each way to work and back.  If he's fussy to begin with, then forget it.  He will cry the whole way there.  Over the last few weeks I have seen vast improvements.  This is partly due to our new morning schedule, but also I think he is getting older and just more used to it.  He almost never falls asleep in the car anymore, so often he jabbers to himself in the mirror.  Most days after about 20 minutes he starts to get tired of being strapped in and starts to whine a bit.  But it's been a long time since he has really screamed.  I think it might be time to hook a little toy or something to keep him occupied during the ride.

The end of last week was pretty rough.  It was a very long week and by Friday I felt like I hadn't seen Elijah all week.  This week I made a few changes to my routine that have helped me feel more connected to Elijah during the week.  On Friday I went to feed him during the day and it made such a big difference.  Now I have resolved to go more often and see him during work hours.  It's not that difficult and it makes such a difference in my happiness.  I've also decided to give myself permission to put off chores and housework.  When we come home in the evenings I was spending an hour each day just washing bottles, putting milk away, cooking and cleaning up dinner, emptying the dishwasher.... and Elijah was just sitting there.  That was precious time that I could be spending with him.  Now when I come home I only do what's absolutely necessary and spend as much time playing with Elijah as possible.  When I cook dinner or do chores, I put Elijah in the baby bjorn so that even while I'm getting chores done, I still feel close to him.  And finally, I get up a little bit earlier in the mornings so that I have 20 minutes that I get to dress Elijah, change his diaper, and play with him before we leave.  All of these things have made a difference in my feelings about being a working mom.  It's hard. I miss Elijah every minute of every day.  I am thinking about him constantly.  But I can make it work.  It's better for both of us.  Our family is earning a better income that will provide us all with opportunities.  I feel fulfilled doing work that I am interested in and that I feel is important.  Elijah spends all day in an incredibly enriching environment with people who love children and other kids that will teach him to share and wait his turn.  By being apart all day, I have learned to make the most of the time that we are together.  Instead of being tired and burned out after being with Elijah all day, I am excited to see him every evening and all weekend.  I truly believe that all of these are reasons that it is a good thing for me to be at work, and Elijah to be at day care.  It may not make me happy all the time, but being an adult is about making hard choices and doing what's right for the whole family- not just what makes me feel good in the moment.

Daily Routine

Life is finally starting to feel normal.  Or I guess as normal as it can feel with an infant.  I am starting to realize that with a baby, life is constantly changing.  So I've sort of given up trying to get into a routine as consistent as before Elijah was born.  Daniel and I have made a few changes to our day that makes for a much less stressful experience for all 3 of us.  I've started coming to work an hour earlier (which is still only 8am- not that early).  This works much better with Elijah's natural schedule.  His sleeping has naturally fallen into a pattern of bed around 8pm, wake to eat between 3:30 and 4:30, then up for good and another feeding around 6.  Daniel leaves for work at 7.  I used to try to shower and get ready between 7 and 8, but that was very difficult to do with Elijah awake and tired (read: fussy).  So now I get up a little earlier, Daniel feeds Eljiah a bottle when he gets up and then the boys hang out while I get ready.  We are both out the door around 7 or 7:15 and after dropping Elijah off, I'm at my desk by 8.  Before, the morning drive was about the time that he was ready to go back to sleep, so he was very tired and grumpy the whole way.  With this new schedule Elijah is much less likely to scream all the way to work, and he arrives happy and smiling instead of crying.  It makes me a hundred times happier to be able to shower and get ready without worrying about Elijah, drive to work without a screaming baby in the backseat, and drop him off with him smiling rather than crying.  I'm also able to leave work an hour earlier in the afternoon which is the difference between leaving when it's still light out and when it's dark and the difference between horrible traffic and fairly manageable traffic.  So all in all, it's working much better for us.  The only downside is that I'm not nursing Elijah when he wakes up at 6.  I miss nursing him so much.  I usually only get in one feed before bed if I'm lucky, and then the early morning feed.  Besides that it's all bottles.  At least I still get to feed him on the weekends.  I also feel like I never see Elijah.  When we are at home I'm either trying to get ready for work in the mornings or taking care of dinner and evening chores.  And Elijah always comes home so exhausted.  There's no time to just sit and play with Elijah.  I'm trying to figure out how people do it- or if their lives really just center around chores, obligations, and work.  I can only hope that as Elijah gets older, he'll stay up a little later and we'll have time to play in the evenings.  Otherwise it seems like a very long 18 years filled with meeting Elijah's needs and missing out on the fun parts of life.  Of course I'm exaggerating a bit, but that's what it feels like right now.  When I'm not at work, I'm hoarding every second I get to spend with my baby boy.  But it helps that I've been able to go see Elijah during work hours.  His day care is so close that I can go visit him in the middle of the day.  It's amazing how much happier I am after I get to see him.  The whole day goes faster.  I was even able to feed him the other day.  I wasn't the only mom in the nursing room either.  Apparently there are other mothers that go to nurse their baby in the middle of the day.  It's such a great day care; I am absolutely thrilled with it so far.  Last Friday when I went to pick him up, they were all strapped into the stroller taking a walk around the building.  Elijah looked so grown up sitting up in a stroller with all those nearly-one-year-olds!  And one day this week he was sitting in Miss Erika's lap while she read a story to 2 of the other kids.  They were all perfectly still and silent, listening to her.  I can tell Elijah is happy there.

When we do have a few minutes to play, I fall more in love with Elijah each moment.  He smiles more and more.  Sometimes he even initiates a smile now.  Most often it's in the mornings.  I'll put him down on the changing table and he looks right at me and smiles.  Daniel can make him smile pretty much any time.  Elijah thinks he is so funny!  I love to watch them interact.  Even when he's not smiling, his eyes are so expressive.  I can tell when he looks at me that he knows I am his mom.  He always looks like he is fascinated with the world.  You can tell he's taking everything in and learning so much.  He is such a beautiful boy.

In less than 2 weeks we will travel to Phoenix for Thanksgiving.  I am so excited to spend time with our families all together.  Many of them will be meeting Elijah for the first time.  I'm a little nervous too.  This is our first time traveling with Elijah.  And it will be very busy with a lot of activity for Elijah to take in at once.  I hope he isn't too overwhelmed.  I'm planning to take Elijah and have some quiet time each day, whether the family likes it or not.  I have to do what's best for him.  I need to make sure that he's eating on schedule (and I will be nursing him- no bottles!), and getting enough sleep.  I don't want a grumpy baby or a grumpy mom! Most of all, I'm excited.  I will get to spend 5 whole days with our little family, and lots of time with our extended family as well.