A Church Home

I am so frustrated that I haven't been able to find a church here in Denver. It's so important to me that I find a church in which I feel that I fit in now, as an almost married young 20-something with no children, and also in the future, when we have children. As I grew up, my church was always a safe place that felt like home. And I am still looking for a place that will give me that same feeling here. I'm afraid that I have the wrong expectation. Right now, I feel like I just haven't found the right church yet. But maybe it's that I haven't invested enough of myself in any one place. But why would I invest myself in a church unless I know it's the right one? Daniel and I have attended services at many local churches (and there are a lot of them). I'm pretty sure Methodist is not what I'm looking for. They just don't offer a whole lot for young adults and young families. So I've looked at some Lutheran, Presbyterian, and even a UCC (United Church of Christ) that I liked quite a bit, but their teaching was not what I believe. We also went to a service that was very much a grassroots, college student-led church. That was NOT for me. It met in an old warehouse and the preacher looked like he just graduated from high school. And the entire congregation was college students and young adults.

I need a church that has older people with the wisdom that comes with age, people who have theology degrees, people that are maybe 5 or 10 years ahead of me, and people right where I am. I think a wide range is important to provide peers to identify with, and people to look up to and learn from. I also prefer a more traditional service, with hymns and scripture readings and the familiar liturgy that has been used for over 100 years. But I want a church that's forward-thinking as well. A church that accepts all people, and is in tune with what's going on in the world today. And the music is very important to me as well. It can't be bad or I just won't be able to stand listening to it. Is that so difficult?

I think a huge problem is that Daniel and I are looking for different things. This is a growing concern for me. Though he considers himself a Christian, when he says what he believes it contradicts traditional Christian beliefs, at least what I know to be traditional Christian beliefs. Every time we have this discussion about what church to attend or what we will teach our children, every time he talks about what he believes, it grates on me. Where he is looking for a church that is more open to interpretation, I am looking for a church that is familiar in its teachings. Daniel is more focused on the "being a good person" instead of the "believing in Jesus Christ," like I was taught.

Besides the core values, we differ in the type of worship we like. I want a service with a choir, hymns, scripture readings, and a sermon. Daniel prefers a rock band and a conversational and informal sermon. He really enjoyed the church that had almost all college-age people. He also liked the UCC church. It really worries me, because he didn't grow up with the Sunday School teachings that I did. So he isn't as firm in what he believes. Or, maybe he is firm in what he believes, but it's very unorthodox compared to what I do. And it's so important to me that we raise our children in the church that I was raised in. It's such an important part of me, and I will be devastated if my children don't get that same experience. Of course when they get old enough, they can choose for themselves what they believe, and if they want to go to church with me and Daniel. But until then, I want our family to attend church together. And there is no way I would be okay going to a Unitarian church or anything like that.

I definitely feel like there's something missing. And I will until I find a church family and a church home. I don't feel a real sense of urgency until we have children. By then, we will just have to pick one because there's no way I will not take my children to church. I'll just keep looking. And hope that we can find the perfect church out there that will meet my needs, and Daniel's needs, and those of our future family.