My bipolarness

I have this strange pattern of emotions going on. Each night, I dread the next morning. I think about that I have to wake up freaking early and drive a half hour and sit in my Mom's office for 45 minutes before I even get to work. And I'm really nervous at work because I am always trying to do everything right but it's really easy to mess things up and I constantly feel inadequate because I'm just a dumb intern. But then I get to work and I get started on a project and I am so happy. I get to do real research and the other people I work with are so nice. I love this job and I am getting awesome experience that's going to help me so much in the future. And when I leave work I am just so happy about my day. Everyday I have something new and exciting that I learned. So why is it that a few hours later when I'm getting ready for bed, I'm wishing that I could just have a lazy day around the house? I'm just bipolar and crazy. That's all.

So today, the exciting new thing I got to experience was an autopsy. I had to wear this full gown and gloves and mask and hairnet and booties over my shoes. There are a lot of germs in a dead body, so we have to protect ourselves. We had a 78 year old man come in. He died at 5am and at 9:30 we were watching his head be cut open. It was really cool. At first, I was a little freaked out because it looked like he was just naked sleeping on a metal table. But as the autopsy went on, I kind of forgot that this used to be a live person and focused on the organs and stuff. The main guy that performed the autopsy removed each organ and opened it up and showed it to us. He answered any questions we had and let us get really close. I was within a foot of the body the entire time. First they removed the brain, and then they opened the chest cavity. They did the abdomen (intestines, bladder, prostate, etc.) and then opened the ribcage and did the heart, lungs, liver, kidneys, etc. etc. I was so fascinated at how everything worked together perfectly. Each organ knows its exact function and how to do that job really really well. It's so amazing! The whole procedure took about 3 hours. It was long and my feet hurt from standing, but I know this was like a once in a lifetime opportunity. I thought it was going to smell really bad, but I didn't really smell anything. I got to touch the inside of his aorta which was hard because he died of cardiovascular disease (and Alzheimer's). His heart and liver were both huge. And inside his gall bladder was large gall stone. Other than that, he seemed pretty healthy. Although, after watching that, I really don't want to donate my body to science. I definitely do not want a bunch of interns staring at my organs and learning human anatomy. And holy cow, fat inside the body is disgusting! I want to be really skinny when I die. And also, I want my rectum to be empty. The body I saw today had a full bladder and rectum, but an empty stomach. And his toenails needed clipped.

Okay, that's enough talking about dead people. Tomorrow I get to go to the Diamondbacks Game and sit in the first base line box seats! I can't wait!