I hate myself sometimes

I hate it when I'm like this. I miss Daniel so I'm really excited when he calls. But then I pick up the phone and all of a sudden I'm this crazy person who can't control her emotions. I'm whiney and needy and jealous. I get mad at him for stupid reasons. So he has a five minute break and I spend four minutes mad at him and then one minute apologizing and I hang up feeling worse than before he called. But I am still dying for him to call again soon. I know that I'm doing it every time, but I can't help myself. I am jealous and I know it. I'm jealous that he's not sitting in his room bored and missing me like crazy. I'm jealous that he's not living with his parents anymore. I'm jealous that he is sleeping in our new bed. I'm jealous that he gets to hang out with people all day and make new friends. I'm jealous that he gets to see our friends (Eric, Jeff, Lexi, etc.) and hang out with them while I'm stuck here sweating to death bored to death and miserable. Well miserable may be overdoing it a bit. I mean I'm not depressed all day long, and I'm finding things to keep me busy. Mostly. Here's the most exciting things (really the only things) I have planned for this week.

Today: babysitting
Wednesday: making dinner for Pastor Mel
Thursday: making candy with Grandma and a facial
Friday: hopefully a hair cut
Saturday: scrapbooking
Sunday: church

That's so pathetic. Thank goodness the Olympics are going on or I think I might just watch soap operas all day. But next Wedneday I will be off to Denver and I will get to be with Daniel after dinner and hang out with my other friends during the day while unpacking and helping Daniel and Jeff prepare for their residents. And then classes will start! I'm very excited for classes to start. I wish I could just be a student the rest of my life. There's something about learning that makes me happy. I guess research is the closest thing to learning that I can get.

Today I babysat for Mary Tassi's granddaughter Karma and Karma's little brother Dakota. I was really glad that I could help because it's not a good situation. Karma is 2 1/2 and she lives with her "Nona" (Mary). Dakota is 15 months and has the same mother, but a different father. Today they had a meeting with CPS. The decision is that both children are going into the custody of their paternal grandparents. Mary gets Karma and Dakota will go with his grandma who happens to live just down the street. I know the situation is really hard for everyone, so at least I could watch them while they had the meeting. Dakota cried (screamed) for a solid 90 minutes until I finally realized that he didn't feel well and gave him some children's ibuprofin. I rocked him and he went to sleep for an hour or two. Then we had lunch and Karma took a nap for over two hours until Mary came to get them. It was somewhat easy except for the screaming child. It's really awkward accepting money from her, especially because she paid me $10 an hour. I think that's a lot. But she was really grateful to have me here to watch them so I didn't argue.

Eight days. Seven and a half really.