What made me realize this, is that I have been neglecting finals, and focusing on getting through the next few weeks until we travel to Phoenix. And before that, I was biding my time until Daniel's family came to visit. And before that, I was just waiting until I could go home for Easter. And before that, I was looking forward to my Mom coming to visit. It has felt like my life has been a series of anticipating the next event. And that is an absolutely miserable way to live.
Think about it: I wake up every morning, just trudging through life. I am not really enjoying anything here. Things I used to enjoy like taking care of our home, playing with Jackson, spending time with friends, and even class have become one more thing to do before I get to go home again. I am dying to move back there. And every time Daniel tells me that it just may not happen, I get really depressed. I don't know if I can live my life this far away from our family. Especially when we have kids.
I'm not sure if I should try to change my attitude, and try to enjoy my life here for now, or do what I can to get through the next 2 years so that we can move back to Phoenix. I will probably be much happier if I can learn to live with my life here in Denver. But it feels like every time I spend time with my family, it hurts even more when we leave. This sucks. I should be so excited about my new job, and our little family. But all I can do is wake up and count down the days. 6 days from today we leave! I will be so happy.
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