Roommates

Yesterday, Hope and Eric told us that they are moving out in August. We already knew Hope was leaving for the summer. She got accepted to a theater summer program in San Fransisco. So we have already begun looking for someone to live there just for June- August. Now we have to find new roommates for next school year. I never had the expectation that they would definitely live there senior year too, but I thought it was likely. Daniel, however, did have an expectation that they would stay.

Yesterday Daniel and I were downstairs and Hope and Eric were in the kitchen. This is very unusual. Sunday is the only day that all of us are every home, and even then it's rare that we hang out together. And when Eric is home he is almost always in his room- so for the two of them to be hanging out in the kitchen was kind of weird. Daniel and I went upstairs to get something to eat, and we all were hanging out snacking. Then Hope asked if she could talk to Daniel about something, and he said yes. And she told him that it's really hard for her driving back and forth because the house is so far from campus and she can't keep paying for gas, etc. etc. So she decided to find a place to live that's closer to campus. And then Eric chimed in with a simple, "yeah, that goes for me too." And that the two of them are moving someplace together. Which is kind of weird, because they didn't even know each other before they found out that they were both moving into the house with us. It was pretty much a complete blind side for both of us. Hope said she was so sorry and she felt terrible and everything. But I assured Hope that we didn't take it personally. I successfully changed the subject and we kind of forgot about it until we went to bed. Then Daniel confessed that he was really upset.

He said he felt ambushed. Like they had talked behind our backs. They decided together that they were moving out, and together to move in someplace together. Just to be clear, there's no romantic involvement there- just friends. I am trying very very hard to not take it personally, like I said. But it's hard. We have tried so hard to make it a lovely place to live. We clean the whole house and do all of the yard work. The only thing they are responsible for is their bathroom. We pay for paper towels, cleaning supplies, light bulbs, any repairs, milk, butter, eggs, and a ton of other stuff. We kind of feel like we've made it pretty easy on them. Daniel is completely devastated about it. He is convinced that they're not telling the truth- it's not about driving back and forth, and gas money. He thinks that they don't like living with us. They have never said anything like that, but of course that doesn't mean it's not true. It's very hard for Daniel in situations like this because he gets very emotional. Where I think through things logically, he feels things emotionally. It must be very hard to live like that- and very painful. Eric was his absolute best friend freshman year. They did everything together. But living together hasn't been what Daniel expected. Eric spends a lot of time in his room. He is really introverted, which I understand. In high school and the beginning of college, that's how I was too. So I try to tell Daniel all the time that maybe his expectations were too high- living with your best friend isn't a big constant party. I think the worst part about it, is that I'm afraid we are going to lose our friendships. That is always a risk when you live with your best friend. But the reason I'm afraid of losing Hope, is that I don't think I will ever see her if we don't live together. She spends 8am-9pm every day in class and in theater stuff. It will be very hard to keep up with each other if we live apart.

I think that both Eric and Hope really changed when they went to London. When they came back, all they wanted to talk about was London, and they only wanted to hang out with their London friends. We thought that would fade out as time went on, but it didn't. Eric even convinced two or three of the fraternity brothers to invite London people to formal so that his girlfriend would know people there. And we know exactly what will happen- all the London people will hang out together and won't hang out with the rest of us. Whenever the London people come over to the house, they ignore me and Daniel. Last time, I really tried to be part of the conversation, but they just weren't interested in including me. I'm not a part of that group, and I never will be. I'm trying to be an adult about it, and just let it go. But it sucks to feel rejected. I know that London isn't the whole problem, but it feels like a big part of it.

So now we have to find two new roommates for next year. That is such a huge stress on top of finals and everything, I just can't deal with it right now. And really it's not my responsibility. I'm just another renter. Daniel and I wish so badly that we didn't have to have roommates. This experience was not what we had hoped. I think that we are both afraid of this happening again. It's really hard to find someone that you get along with well enough to live together. And most everybody has already found a place to live for next year, so we're probably just going to have to put up an ad and see who responds. We will check with Paul and see if he wants to move back in, because he was really a great roommate. But we don't know when his lease is up or anything.

I'm trying to tell Daniel that he doesn't know that they are lying. He doesn't know that it isn't the gas money, or the driving back and forth. That could really be the issue. And just because Eric doesn't want to live with us, doesn't mean he doesn't want to be our friend. Those are two different things. His mom told us to think of this as an opportunity to find roommates that we are more compatible with. I think that's a great way to look at it. So we're going to try. We'll get through this. It's all part of learning and growing.