My Thoughts on Breastfeeding on Elijah's 6 Month Birthday

Today Elijah turns 6 months old.  That means that we have officially hit my goal of 6 months exclusively breastfeeding.  Well, to be completely accurate, I should say 6 months without formula. Because we have started solids.  But that was truly our goal from the beginning- for breast milk to fulfill all of Elijah's milk needs for the first 6 months of his life.  And our best-case scenario is for it to last until his first birthday, and beyond if we wish.  Though I seriously doubt I will wish it.

When I was pregnant, breastfeeding was my single biggest concern.  I read anything and everything I could find.  I read a whole book specific to working moms.  I read all the la leche league FAQs and the whole chapter in "What to Expect When You're Expecting" and "What to Expect The First Year."  And I can honestly say, that nothing I read adequately prepared me.  There are many, many things that I completely missed.  Either they didn't make sense to me at the time and my brain edited them out of memory, or they were not explicitly explained in any of my sources.  Before Elijah was born I didn't know what clogged ducts were, had never heard of a nipple shield, didn't know that there was a right way to bottle feed a breastfed baby, naively thought that if I was "doing it right" then I wouldn't experience any pain or discomfort, and assumed that if I followed all of the "rules" of breastfeeding, then everything would work perfectly.  News flash: every baby is different.  And babies do not read up on breastfeeding.  After the first few days in the hospital, I thought we were one of the lucky few who find breastfeeding easy.  And I know that relatively speaking, we were.  But we still had our difficulties.

One of the most irritating parts of the breastfeeding culture is how closely tied it is to a specific parenting philosophy.  It is very difficult to find information about breastfeeding that doesn't also promote baby-wearing, co-sleeping, extended breastfeeding, anti-sleep training.... basically Attachment Parenting.  Breastfeeding does not equal Attachment Parenting.  Nor does it equal "crunchy" parenting.  I'm just a normal mom who wants to provide the best, most healthy food for her baby.  Without all of the judgment and guilt.  As a working mom, I need sleep.  Which means I cannot co-sleep.  I also have to introduce bottles at some point.  So if I could get some information about how to breastfeed that doesn't give me guilt for going to work every day, that would be really great.

The single best advice I received about breastfeeding came from my Mom.  She said this:  "Elijah is a person.  He has his own opinions, likes, and preferences."  That was a turning point in our breastfeeding relationship.  It led to the most difficult decision, but ultimately what was right for us.  Elijah preferred bottles so much that he refused to nurse half the time, and fussed the other half.  My supply had dropped to about half of what it was at its peak. That was the point that I stopped trying to nurse him and switched to exclusively pumping.  That decision allowed me to build my supply back up, and allowed us to make it to our 6 month goal.  

Ideally, I would still be nursing him today.  I would be nursing him for every meal if I could.  But I am a working mom, and I have to make sacrifices for that.  I have to remind myself daily of the benefits of exclusively pumping: not having to expose myself or use a cover-up in public, knowing exactly how much Elijah is eating, not having to fight with him to nurse, being able to feed him in the car, being able to get other things done now that he can hold his own bottle.... the list goes on and on.  But the truth is, if I could go back to nursing I would in a heartbeat.  That feeling of cradling him in my arms while he is stroking my hair and face with his hands, the satisfaction of knowing that only I can provide his most basic need, the pride that comes from knowing I am the only person in the world that has this bond with my baby, it's all worth more than the daily conveniences of bottle feeding.  So I know that with the next baby I will be very cautious with introducing bottles.  I will guard our nursing relationship like my life depends on it.  I will take a much longer maternity leave, take breaks from work to nurse my baby, and avoid bottles whenever possible.  But for now, I will take immense pride in the 6 months I have spent nursing and pumping for my baby.  I am in the scant 16 percent of American mothers who are exclusively breastfeeding at 6 months (according to the CDC).  As it stands, I spend at least 3 hours of my day pumping milk for my baby.  I spent months getting up at 1am to pump, even when Elijah slept through the night.  That just shows the commitment I have to my baby.  Here's hoping I can make it 6 months more.