Moral Dilemma

On Wednesday, in my abnormal psychology class, my professor told us that he posted a study guide. I had my computer out, so I immediately downloaded it and saved it to my desktop. He continued to lecture, which I found very boring, so I pulled up the study guide and started reading through it. It was 50 multiple choice questions- exactly like the test. I figured he pulled out an old test from a few years ago, and gave that to us to study from. I read through about the first 35 questions, and then I decided I should pay attention to his lecture. After the first hour, we have a break. After the break, he told us that he had accidentally posted the TEST instead of a study guide! So he immediately deleted it, and asked how many people had already downloaded it. Me and about 5 other people (out of about 40) raised our hands. He asked anyone who had already downloaded it to delete it as well. He said he is going to have to write a whole new test now. He was very unhappy about it because it takes him a long time to write questions and he likes to re-use questions from past years. So I guess he had this test out on his computer, and he was using that to write the study guide. But instead of posting the study guide he posted the test. Definitely his mistake. So now, my dilemma: I still have the study guide. And my classmates are asking for a copy. I've already read through the first 35 questions. I feel like it's only fair to give everyone else the same opportunity that I had. And he said he was rewriting the entire test anyways. But, he asked us to delete it so I'm sure he doesn't want us to distribute it. Everyone in class saw me raise my hand so they know I have it. I have already emailed it to two friends. Should I use it to study? I feel like it only makes sense. If I want to do well, I should use any resources I have. And it's his fault for posting it, and his responsibility to fix it. I don't know what the right thing to do is. Maybe there isn't a right thing. I don't know.

Today at work I was extremely productive! I ran a gel, which always makes me super nervous. I have never been able to really do it perfect. Something always goes wrong. But today was the closest I've ever gotten and it seemed to turn out fine. I'm so happy and relieved about that. I also got to see some little mouse babies that were born. They're so cute once they're a few days old and their hair has grown in.

Daniel leaves tomorrow for Phoenix. I'm totally dreading it. Our roommates are moving out today, our other roommate is in Phoenix, and Daniel is in Phoenix. That means I will be completely alone for about 3 days. I don't like that. Maybe I will enjoy it, I don't know. I'm pretty sure I will not enjoy answering the door and handing out candy a million times by myself. That doesn't sound like a lot of fun. But I am planning on going out for drinks with Hope at some point this weekend. So at least that's one night I won't be by myself.

Last night was a seniors only Happy Hour at a local restaurant/bar on campus. It was really great to see some friends and have a few drinks. But it kind of made me sad. I can't believe that I'm almost done with college. I will miss it so much. I think it will be much harder to get together with friends when you don't see them every day in class. And I will miss the whole college atmosphere- going to parties and out to bars, talking about classes and professors and things like that. College is more fun than I ever thought it would be. I'm so sad that it's almost over. But I'm sure the next part of my life will be fun too.

Anniversary and Birthday

My birthday was great, and our anniversary too. The whole weekend was really fun. I think mostly because I got to spend lots of time with Daniel, in which he was not answering his phone or on his computer. We went out to eat at a really fun Spanish restaurant that reminded me of when we were actually in Spain. I want to go back to Europe! That night was almost ruined because our third roommate, Whitney, emailed Daniel to tell him she's moving out too. And she wants to move out on Nov 10 and not pay rent. Which means she gave us about one week to find a replacement roommate, who could not move in until Nov 10, which means we couldn't charge that person for the whole month of November either. Ridiculous! So he's going to tell her she has to pay for all of Nov. Especially because she moved in 2 weeks early without paying rent for that month either. We were both really worried about finding a new roommate, which put us both in a bad mood on our anniversary. But we decided to not talk about it and enjoy our night- which we did! So we posted an ad, and we've already had some interest that seems promising.

Then the day after my birthday we went out for sushi. Sushi is my absolute favorite now, I want it every time we go out to eat. It was really crazy because the waitress asked for my ID when I ordered a drink, and she noticed my birthday was the day before, and she said that she has the exact same birthday- day and year. So weird! I was kind of disappointed because my birthday didn't really feel like a special day. I still had to go to class, and take a really hard midterm. But Daniel got me flowers and all the text messages and facebook messages made me happy.

Work is definitely the best part of my life right now. I love what I'm doing- still. Last Friday, I got to work for hours in the BRC (where we keep animals). Working with animals is my favorite. I put together mating pairs. It's a lot more difficult than it sounds. I had to fill out 30 cage cards (say what is in the cage, who it belongs to, etc.) and put one male and one female in each of 30 cages. But you can only open cages under the hood to keep them sterile. So it was a lot of putting a cage under the hood, taking it out, putting a new one under, etc. A lot of juggling cages and tops. And at one point I got bit really bad. I held onto a mouse a little too long and he turned around and bit me until I dropped him (in a cage, thank goodness).

Registration for next quarter is coming up, and I had a difficult time figuring that out. There are 3 classes that I have to take to graduate, and those add up to 9 credits. I need 12 to be full-time. The problem is that I still want to have time during the day that I can go to work, and those 3 classes are really hard. So I need a fourth class that is not very time-consuming and easy. Solution: piano lessons! Piano is 2 credits for half hour lessons, and 4 credits for one hour lessons each week. So I will be full-time by adding just one hour to my schedule. Daniel told me it's really difficult to get a spot, but I emailed the graduate students who are teaching next quarter and one already added me to her schedule. I'm s o relieved and excited! I love to play, and I've never taken lessons from anyone except Mary. So this should be really interesting. I'm also going to take a one credit class that works on resume, cover letter, interview skills and career options in chemistry and biochemistry. Hopefully that will give me some direction in my career goals.

Week 6 of my last Autumn Quarter

I can't believe it's already week 6! My last autumn quarter of college is over halfway complete. That's crazy! I am loving this quarter. My classes are not very difficult, they're interesting for the most part, I don't have a ton of homework, and I get to spend lots of time with Daniel during the day and have lunch with him almost every day. Oh, and the best part is that I get to sleep in every single morning! I did very well on my first round of midterms, and the next round is coming up next week.

Work is also going extremely well. I absolutely love it. I love the people I'm working with and I love the work I'm doing. I've been working there long enough that I feel a sense of seniority and I feel like I genuinely belong there. Now that we have another student, it's great to have someone to work with. I am passing on a lot of things to her that I've learned in the past 10 months. We get along really well, and we even share our bench space. I have noticed this very gradual transition that started over the summer. I feel like my brain is little by little spending less time thinking like a student and more time thinking like an employee. I am focusing less on homework and tests, and more on projects and things that need to get done at work. I have to be careful though, because I still need to do well in my classes. I remember at this point in high school, my mind was very far away from high school and already looking towards college. I don't want that to happen quite so quickly this time. But it's good that I'm preparing myself. I am relieved that I have a job lined up that I'm already comfortable with and I know I love, but I'm worried about the pay. I don't know exactly what it will be, but I've heard starting wage is around $28,000 a year plus full benefits. It's salary, based on a 40 hour work week. That seems pretty reasonable, considering Daniel and I are living on about $18,000 a year right now (not including tuition of course). I'm also not sure if I'll have to work full time all summer on $8 an hour (like I did last summer) before they put me on salary. I sure hope not, because I'm worth way more than that and I know it. I'm worth more than that now! So I am still keeping my options open.

Daniel and I have been talking about career options some more. After speaking with my mom a little bit, I was considering getting certification to be a lab technologist like she and my grandma were. I wasn't sure that's exactly what I wanted to do, but I thought it would be a good backup plan if I was ever desperate for a job. When I looked into the requirements, it seemed to be more work than it would be worth. So that's out. I still desperately want to be a PA. But 1000x times more, I want to be a mom. I'm kind of afraid that if I don't go to PA school right away, then I never will. But I don't want to take out a ton of loans to go to PA school (which we would have to do if I did that now) and I want to start a family so badly! There isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish I had a baby to hold. Every time I see kids, it makes me want one more and more. I'm so jealous of everyone I know that has a family. So as passionate as I am about becoming a PA, I'm way more passionate about my family. So for now, that wins.

In the more immediately future, I'm so excited that our roommates are MOVING OUT!!! I feel so much like I have two incredibly immature annoying teenagers. Except I'm afraid to ask them to pick up after themselves. And they smoke and drink a lot. And I can't tell them to do their chores or whatever else. They had two friends who slept in the guest room for 5 nights, and 3 nights after they left the bed was still unmade with the dirty sheets, and muddy paw prints on the mattress. So I timidly asked if their friend was gone now, and would they please clean the guest room. It's so hard for me to ask them to do stuff, I'm so afraid they are going to think I'm annoying. They probably do, but isn't it common courtesy to clean up the sheets and bed (which all belong to us by the way) when your guests leave? I am so done with them. I'm done looking at cigarette butts on the ground, I'm done putting their dirty dishes in the dishwasher, I'm done listening to them and their friends shout over each other at midnight, I'm done taking out the recycling garbage full of beer cans 5 times a day, and I'm done listening to them stomp around above my head at 7am. DONE!! And in 2 weeks, I won't have to anymore :-)

Also in 2 weeks, or less actually, is my birthday! I'm 22 years old. Wow. I keep comparing myself to what other people I know or other people in the news or on TV are doing at this age. Many of my friends at this age have another 2-5 years of school ahead of them and are nowhere close to getting married or starting a family. Other friends at this age are married with kids and a career and are completely independent. And most are somewhere in the middle- like me! Though I'm closer to the second one than the first (thank goodness). Each year gets better and better. And I think my 22nd year of life is going to be the best one yet! Daniel and I are also celebrating our 8 year anniversary this Friday. 8 whole years together. I can't imagine my life without him. He's been there for every major point in my life. I know him better than I know myself I think. I'm so excited that we're getting married and having our own little family! He's the best :-)

Monterey

I've been so busy lately, I haven't had time to write. I just got back from Monterey, CA where I saw my brother graduate from the Defense Language Institute. I'm so proud of him, and so happy that he's found something he is good at and he wants to do with his life. The entire family was there and we got to meet his friends, and see where he lives, and Nicole and I got to meet many of his teachers. They were all so friendly and told us we were beautiful, and offered us food. Aaron told us that it's their culture (they're all native Arabs), but I choose to believe it's because we were so charming :-) We went kayaking over a kelp forest through a huge school of jellyfish and surrounded by seals and sea lions. That was definitely a highlight. It was just great to spend time with the family, especially my brother and sister. Every time I spend time with them, it makes me want more than ever to move back to be close to them all. I feel like I have limited time with my grandparents and they are so important to me, I don't want to waste a minute I could be spending with them.

School is going fantastic. Compared to last quarter, this quarter has been a breeze. I have had very little homework besides reading the textbook. I just took my first round of midterms and they went fairly well. I actually got 39/40 in my abnormal psych class, which was the highest grade in the class. I'm not sure that has ever happened in my college career. Without any labs, I have a lot more time. I get to sleep in every single morning which has reduced my stress level a lot.

The roommate situation has deteriorated rapidly. They told us last week that they are moving out on November 1, and it can't come soon enough. I'm just so tired of the constant noise and messiness and smoke smell and cleaning up after them. I feel so much like a parent, it's so irritating! I don't understand how people older than us can be so less mature. Did our parents really teach us that much more? They don't understand things like turning out lights when you leave, and taking out the garbage, and emptying the dishwasher when it's done. I feel a constant irritation under the surface. I'm always debating whether to say something, whether to ask them to be quiet or pick up after themselves, but I never do. And it's building up this resentment that would eventually blow if I didn't know they were moving out soon. And the best part is that Daniel has decided not to get another roommate. If he pays $200 a month, we don't need another roommate. And now he can afford that because he has a few regular jobs. I'm so happy! That means only one other person putting food in the ridge, leaving dirty dishes around, and coming in late making noise. Much less than 3 people plus a dog. If that $200 gets to be too much, then we'll start looking for another roommate. In the meantime, I really hoping Nicole will come stay with us. She graduates just before November, so I want her to come stay here between Thanksgiving and Christmas. We're not in class, so we'll have plenty of time to spend together. She'll have her own bedroom, and if she pays rent it will help us a lot with that extra $200. But if she doesn't, that's fine too. I just want to spend some time together while we can.

P Chem Midterm

What a crazy morning. I had to take my physical chemistry midterm early, because I am flying to Monterey for my brother's graduation tonight. So I got to school an hour early this morning, and went to my professor's classroom where he was teaching a different class. As I sat there waiting for him, the students in the class asked what I was doing there. I told them I was taking an exam for another one of his classes. They asked what class, and I told them P Chem. This obnoxious kid in the front row started quizzing me! Like seriously, asking me "what is the van der waals equation?" and "what do and a and b stand for?" I'm sitting there like, did I ask for a review session? NO! I'm just sitting quietly waiting to take my exam. And he won't stop! Then my professor walks in, shuts the door, and starts setting up his computer. I asked him politely if I am taking the test here or in another room and he looks at me with a very confused expression. Then he told me he forgot to print out the test for me. Great. So we walk upstairs to the chemistry office, where he asks to borrow the secretary's computer so he can print it. Then he explains to me that he's just going to print out the practice exam he posted online last night for everyone to study from. Now I'm really upset with myself for not remembering to look it over last night. So he puts me in an empty room and tells me if I have a question, I can come downstairs and interrupt his lecture and ask him (yeah, right). What a surreal morning. I hope I do well on the test, or at least decent. Because all of that crap was really distracting. What a dumb professor. I confirmed that I was taking the test this morning 3 times, including once at 2pm yesterday. As in, less than 24 hours ago. Stupid.