This quarter I feel like I haven't been trying my hardest. I was talking to Daniel today and I realized that I have been purposely doing "just enough." I have been doing my homework well enough that it's passable, and studying just the amount that I feel I will do okay on a test, but not terrible and not wonderful. When I think about that midterm I have tomorrow, I usually tell myself I'll spend about an hour studying and when my brain gets tired I'll stop. Often I tell myself that I will study some more later, and then I don't. It's easier to watch TV, or read, or play with Jackson. In the past I've blamed my mediocrity on the fact that I just don't know how to study. Or that I'm just not quite smart enough. And maybe those are partially true. But the fact is, I have decided that I'm willing to be okay. I'm willing to put in enough time to get Bs, and I will just deal with that.
I sort of convinced myself that it was okay. There are other things in life that are more important than getting As. There are friendships and socializing and cooking and taking care of the house and Jackson... all of these things are important too. I don't want to be that person that goes to class all day and studies all night. I want to go out and have fun too. I decided that the cost of spending an extra 10 hours a week (or how ever much it will take) studying was just simply too high.
Daniel wasn't buying it. He told me that it's not okay to accept mediocrity from myself. Someday, when I have a job, I will need to give 100% all the time. And right now I am teaching myself that it's okay to do just enough to get by. I don't want to be that kind of person. In middle school and high school I was so proud of the fact that I always put forth my full effort in whatever I was doing. And that has changed in the last few years. I don't know why exactly. Maybe because I have much more of a social life, or because I have more responsibilities, or because I have less motivation to do well. And I think a part of me is discouraged. I feel like it's just too hard! I'll never be able to get As.
I'm not sure how much more work it will take for me to get to that "A" level. What if that means only an extra 30 minutes a day of reviewing material? Or what if it means an extra 2 hours a day? How much am I willing to do? I don't know the answer to that yet. I have to try. I am committing to start with 30 minutes a day of studying. Not including homework, papers, assignments. Strictly reviewing the course material. There's only 3 weeks left in the quarter, and one test in each class. I'm going to focus on that. I can do this for 3 weeks.
1 comment:
Part of becoming an adult, is realizing that you can no longer ever give 100% of yourself to anything. You have to come to terms with the fact that your life is full of things that demand part of your attention. Sadly, that includes your relationship wit each other, as well as your relationship with God. Keep your head up, and don't be too hard on yourself. Soon you'll realize why I have been telling you guys for the past few (lots now!) years to enjoy your youth, and put off growing up until you have to!
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