Self-Loathing to the extreme

I am very upset with myself. Last night my biology professor posted our test grades for the test we took that morning. I got exactly the average. Which is a C. I hate getting Cs. I can only guess what my total grade is based on the three tests we've taken this quarter. We have also taken five quizzes, but I have no idea how those work into our grade. And I have no idea how they are curving this stuff. All I know is my grade, and the average. I got below the average on the first exam, above average on the second, and right on average the third. So to me, that looks like a C in the class. My first C (except for lab which is only one credit so I'm not going to count that). I am so angry with myself. I should have studied more, I should have paid better attention in class, I should have gotten more sleep the night before, I should have read the textbook more carefully, I should be smarter..... the list goes on and on. Last night I was so upset I started crying and I don't even know for sure what my final grade is in the class. I emailed the professors to ask so that I could make a better educated decision on whether to take the optional final exam. One of them replied saying that he had to talk to the other one. But he didn't say when they were going to talk or if they're going to post it anytime soon. To be honest, I really really really don't want to take it. I am so close to being done, it would feel so much better to just say I'm done with biology and not think about it anymore. Then I can focus all my attention on Chemistry. So I'm really leaning towards not taking it. Unless I have like a 79. But I don't know if I'll even find out what my final grade is before Monday.

Last night I was so discouraged that I had zero motivation left to study for chemistry. But I woke up this morning determined. I have done well on every single midterm in organic chemistry. And that's supposed to be the hard class! But really I've scored way above average so I know I have a chance to get a B and maybe even an A. That may be pushing it though. I have spent about 90 minutes already today going over the first chapter of the quarter. I did really well for that test, but I think it's because I crammed right before it. The material for that unit was basically all memorization, with a little strategy too. So I'm afraid that I won't be able to cram all of that stuff in my brain plus the 5 other chapters we've done this quarter. In my studying I have done really well though. I went back and did the homework assignment and I got almost all of them right on the first try without looking in the book. So that's really encouraging. I have lots of time the next 4 days to study, I just hope I can retain it all and remember it while I'm taking the final.

When I'm not working and studying, I am so bored! There's nothing to do during finals week, it sucks. Everyone is studying so nobody wants to go out and do anything. Daniel and I are going to see Up tomorrow afternoon. I am so excited to see it. It will be a good morale boost and study break. We also have to keep packing up our stuff. It's so hard because we can only pack up stuff we're not going to use in the next week. I am waiting to do laundry on Tuesday and then I will decide what I will take back to Phoenix. Everything else goes into a box to go to the house. I'm trying to take as little as possible to Phoenix because I don't want to check a bag on the plane. I feel bad for Daniel because he has another week here after me so he will have a lot of stuff to pack at the last minute. We also have to figure out how to get our bed, my desk, and our futon to the house. We will have to take apart the bed and futon. But, we need the bed on Tuesday night because I'm still here, but I will be checked out of my room so I can't sleep in my bed. It's so complicated! Hopefully, we can take apart the bed on Wednesday and set up Daniel's twin size bed that came with his room. That same day we will go pick up the furniture we bought (which is all in pieces because it's all from IKEA) and take the bed, futon, desk, and all of the other furniture we bought to the house. If we can't get that all done on Wednesday then Daniel will have to do it without me. Somehow, we'll get it all there.

I just keep telling myself that on June 14th-ish we will be in our house with all of our stuff and everything will go back to normal. No more boxes, no more packing, no more wondering when we can move in, how we can get our stuff from campus to the house and from Phoenix to the house. Juen 14 is not very far away at all. I can deal with all of this until then. And while I'm in Phoenix I will get to do fun things with my mom and just relax and recover from my sophomore year of college. I will be a junior next year. I feel like I was just a junior in high school! Time goes by so fast. I hope the next 2 years go by fast, so we can start really planning for our wedding :-) We're getting married! That is insane.

It's Pay Day!

I love Fridays :-)  And I worked so much last weekend, I got a big check this pay period.

Life has been good lately.  I got to talk to my brother on the phone yesterday.  He sounds great.  He is so excited to graduate and move up in the ranks.  Too bad his security clearance didn't go through, so he'll have to wait around there in South Carolina until it does.  But he told me he gets his iPod and cell phone back, and he'll be allowed to use the internet and stuff.  When I called they just finished having lunch at pizza hut.  He was so excited to eat pizza!  I made sure to tell him how the soccer tournament is going since he doesn't get news on the base there.  I'm so excited to see how things go for him.  He has finally found a goal that he's excited about and is willing to work hard for.

Daniel and I started packing up our room.  I'm so overwhelmed by everything we have to pack up and get out of here.  It makes me feel better that we've made so much progress.  We sold back most of our textbooks and I got $100!  That was a nice unexpected income.  Of course, I'll spend twice that much at the end of the summer on my textbooks, but I won't think about that now.  I threw out a ton of stuff that I don't need because I'm done with 2/3 of my classes.

I took my biology test this morning.  My professor is going to email us our final grade after this test, and then we can decide if we want to take the optional final exam to try to improve our grade.  The only way I am going to take it is if I have below a B, or 88% or above which means there's a possibility for me to get an A.  But if I'm in the 80-88% range, forget it.  Assuming I'm not taking the biology final exam, all I have left is chemistry on Wednesday morning.  So I have al day today, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday to study for that and pack up my stuff.  That's plenty of time so I am feeling remarkably relaxed.  

I am working 8 hours today and lots more all weekend.  That will give me plenty of time to study while I'm at the desk.  I also plan to move out of my room this weekend.  I will pack everything up and put it in Daniel's room until we can move it into the house.  Our realtor is meeting us at the house on Sunday so we can take measurements and stuff.  All of the roommates are coming that day too so we can pick rooms and all.  I'm excited to go back and see it.  I haven't been inside for about 2 weeks and at that point we weren't sure we were going to put in an offer so I didn't pay that much attention.  I think I will take a million pictures so that when we go to IKEA we can visualize where we will put everything.

Daniel and I have been discussing the possibility of getting a dog sooner than we originally planned.  He talked to Paul (our summer roommate) and he is really excited about getting a dog.  He wants us to get one fairly soon too.  And he volunteered to take care of it while we're in Europe.  So I'm working on Daniel to convince him to get the dog like as soon as we move in.  Of course we would arrange the furniture and all first, but as soon as we're settled we could go and get one.  There is a dog shelter just down the street called the Dumb Friends League.  At this point, we're planning on just going and seeing what's there.  I think that's a good plan because I know as soon as I see a puppy I'm going to fall in love with it no matter what breed it is.  It's so crazy that in a month Daniel and I will be living in our first house with our very own puppy.  We are growing up!  I even decided that this year, maybe we should send out our own Christmas cards.  I think that would be fun.

Last night was our final choir concert.  This  was the concert that we were performing with Lamont Men's Choir, and Lamont Chorale (the advanced mixed choir) with Lamont Symphony Orchestra accompanying.  Our conductor was Lawrence Golan who just happens to be the conductor for Phoenix Youth Symphony which Daniel was in his senior year of high school.  He is actually the reason Daniel applied to DU and got such a big scholarship.  He flies back and forth between Denver and Phoenix each week.  So anyways, the performance went pretty well except for one major thing.  The second movement of the piece was a solo.  A guy in chorale sang the whole thing.  In rehearsals he did fine, but in the concert he got lost and just stopped singing!  He had the music right in front of him, but he got lost anyways.  He jumped in towards the end, but missed a big chunk in the middle.  I didn't realize it at the time.  I didn't know the piece very well because I didn't sing in it.  So I just spaced out until the end and then I was preparing to sing in the next movement.  Then I saw Lawrence whisper to the soloist and then he whispered back and Lawrence brought the orchestra in again.  They performed the whole movement again!  After the concert Daniel explained to me that he got lost and everything.  Since this was the world premiere of the piece, I guess Lawrence wanted to make sure it was good.  And they were probably recording it for him too.  There was a really big audience, completely sold out.  That doesn't happen often for student groups, but the choirs and the orchestra are pretty popular.  So when you put them together, there's a large audience.  It was fun to perform for so many people and they were really supportive.

So the next five days will be spent working, studying, and packing.  On Monday Hope and Daniel and I are going to the zoo.  I also really want to see the new Pixar movie "Up" so hopefully we can fit that in somewhere.  I am optimistic that the next 5 days are going to fly by and I'll be back in Phoenix before I know it!

My last Tuesday

The days seem to go by so slowly.  And I have this constant running list in my head of things to do.  I will feel so much better once we are finally allowed to start putting stuff in the house.... if the seller agrees.

I woke up this morning to a pretty chilly day.  It has been raining every afternoon for 4 or 5 days straight and last night it poured.  So this morning there were worms everywhere.  I mean you could barely walk without stepping on one.  The worst is when there are big long fat ones that are still alive and squirming around.  I have no idea why I am afraid of them.  I wouldn't say I'm necessarily afraid of them, just grossed out.  Regardless, I don't want to look at them or step on them.  So walking across campus was quite an adventure.  On the way back I called my mom in the hopes that talking to her would distract me from all the worms.

I worked for a few hours and went to NATS.  I am always so tired in that class.  Probably because it's around 2 in the afternoon and my body is ready for an afternoon nap.  Since choir rehearsal was moved 2 hours later, I actually did get a nap in.  Daniel also helped me study for a little while.  He is so amazing.  In psychology my professor posts lists of questions online and then I fill in the answers.  It's perfect because Daniel can ask me the questions and it helps me study.  I can't believe he spends so much time just asking me boring questions.  It shows how much he loves me :-)  I would certainly do the same for him, but he has different studying strategies than me.  I really didn't want to wake up to go to choir rehearsal, but it's probably better that I did.  I couldn't sleep at all last night and I don't think taking a long nap would help me sleep well tonight.

Rehearsal was a little frustrating.  We are performing the world premiere of a piece.  So at tonight's rehearsal there was our women's choir director, the orchestra director, and the composer of the piece present.  The orchestra director was conducting.  Every time he stopped, my choir director and the composer had to put in their two cents.  It was like having 3 directors giving us advice all at once.  And there were a few times that they actually had to get together and decide amongst themselves what they wanted us to do.  If they disagreed, they had to compromise.  Not only that, but we had to learn the piece three different ways: one with just our women's choir, again with the entire mixed choir in our smallish choir room, and then a third time with the orchestra in the performance hall.  Each time they had to adjust volume levels and balance.  So I was quite annoyed.  Overall, though, it's a good experience.  I love singing with an orchestra and performing the world premiere of a piece is really cool.  It's not often you get to hear from the composer himself what he wanted when he wrote it.  The words are poems written by President Jimmy Carter.  One of the poems is about when he had to shoot his dog.  When we first started learning this piece, it was right after Spud had to be put down and I seriously almost started bawling in the middle of rehearsal.  It's still hard for me to sing it.  At least I didn't have to shoot Spud.  My goodness, I can't imagine doing that.  The poor dog that has loved you and been loyal to you all its life spends its last moment watching you raise a gun to shoot it.  Okay time to change the subject.

Tomorrow is my psychology final exam.  I'm not nervous for it at all.  I've done really well on every assignment we've had and the material seems to stick to my brain better than in my science classes.  Probably because I enjoy and am interested in it.  (not that I'm not interested in science, just in a different way)  Child development is fascinating.  I found the adolescent development unit particularly interesting.  I think it would be really cool to get a job working with adolescents in some kind of social work, but unfortunately that doesn't pay very well.  I might still consider it though.  It would certainly be rewarding in other ways besides monetarily.

Daniel and I emailed this lady who is selling samoyed puppies.  She breeds and shows samoyeds, so we were hoping she would have a "B" stock puppy she might be willing to sell for somewhat cheap.  She sent back a looong email basically trying to convince us to show dogs.  She even offerred to sell us one of her show quality puppies and she would take it once a week to train it and on weekends to groom and show it.  I think that is absolutely ridiculous.  Well, I think showing dogs is absolutely ridiculous.  Whoever came up with judging a dog's appearance based on this contrived "standard" of the breed (that humans created in the first place) was crazy.  I want a dog to play with a love and enjoy.  Not judge based on its genes and its parents.  And letting some lady come and take our dog to train it and groom it and show it?  Absolutely not!  And she was asking $1200 for a show puppy and $800 for a pet puppy.  So needless to say, we are not interested.  I have looked at all the local shelter's websites around here and there are lots of dogs that need adopted.  In particular, a lot of golden retrievers, border collies, and australian shepherds.  I would be very happy with an australian shepherd, but Daniel insists on a hypoallergenic breed.  That severely limits our options.  I think we'll just go to a shelter in August and pick out a puppy.  Hopefully we can find one that's hypoallergenic.  

I suppose it's time for bed.  Just one week left until I'm out of the dorms forever!

Long Weekend

The last few days have flown by and thank goodness for that!  I spend hours each day thinking about what it will be like to live in our very first house.  I mentally rearrange the furniture in each room, imagine cooking dinner while Daniel practices his tuba, playing the piano in the afternoon while everyone's at class, taking our dog for a walk to the park down the street.... it goes on and on.  Robert's last night here we went over to the house to go over all the repairs that the inspector ordered.  They're just minor things.  A sprinkler needs to be fixed, the basement outlets need to be grounded, etc.  Nothing too big.  We also discussed what we can do with the yard.  There are a ton of weeds that need to be pulled out or sprayed.  I want to plant a bunch of flowers in the front yard, and we talked about planting some apple or peach trees in the back yard.  Since our room is in the basement, there are no windows directly outside.  Instead, there are windows and then holes dug out that go up to ground level.  The view out our windows now is silver metal.  Daniel and I have been discussing what to do with that.  We are thinking of planting some kind of vine or ivy that will grow up over the metal and cover it, but still let light in.  Or maybe some climbing roses.  The important thing is that light still gets in, but the ugly metal is covered up.  When we went through the house, it was overwhelming how much there is to do.  Besides moving in and acquiring a ton of stuff (washer/dryer, dishes, furniture, vacuum cleaner, lawn mower.......) we need to install a porch light, fix up the yard and plant flowers.  For the long term we want to get a shed for the backyard, build a fire pit, move the washer and dryer from a tiny closet into the tiled extra room, and a few other minor things.  There's just so much to do!  But I know it won't be long before we're all settled in our new house :-)

In the meantime I have to try really hard to focus on school.  At the moment I am surprisingly on top of things.  On Thursday I was feeling so stressed and overwhelmed from all the homework I had to do that I spent a few hours that night getting some of it done.  And now that I have a three day weekend, I have plenty of time to finish it up and start studying for finals.  It's really nice how my finals worked out this quarter.  I have one on Wednesday and one on Friday.  Then an optional final on Monday (I'll probably take it because I need to improve my grade) and then my last one on Wednesday.  I fly back to Phoenix Wednesday evening.  Daniel has to stay almost another week after that to clean up the building and close it down for the summer.  Then it'll be just a few more days before we're ready to come back and move in.

Last night Daniel and I went out on a date.  It has been so long since we've gone out just the two of us.  We usually work on weekend nights, or we go to a party or something where there are lots of people.  But last night we went to a Denver Brass concert and then out to a movie.  We saw Night at the Museum.  It was funny at times, but also surprisingly violent which I didn't like.  Overall it was good.  I don't know if it was worth the $15 ticket though. It was in the IMAX so it was a little more than usual.  We also went to a cupcake shop for dessert.  It was fun to see all the fancy decorated cakes they have there.  I couldn't help but think about our wedding.

Daniel and I finally booked all of our rooms for Europe.  We have also begun to think about taking guided tours to Versailles, Champagne, and Pompeii.  I think we decided against it for Versailles and Champagne because the train will take us there pretty easily.  Pompeii we need to do some more research.  Our trip is coming up so quickly!  Just another 2 months and we'll be in Spain!

We have also been doing research on dogs.  We both really want a samoyed, but they are hard to find as puppies.  You almost have to get one from a breeder unless you're okay with getting an adult.  We'll keep looking and see what's available in August when we're ready to bring one home.

It's Official....

Our offer was accepted! We offered $10,000 below asking price. It was such a great deal. The other houses in that neighborhood are worth much much more. We found out that initially the seller said "no way," but our Realtor worked on him so that he would accept our offer. The best part is that the closing date is June 16 (or sooner). Both parties want this to go as quickly as possible so there's a chance we could move in as soon as school is out! The inspection will be tomorrow morning and if that goes as planned, then Robert will be leaving on Saturday. Then both Robert and Julie will come out the weekend after that for our finals week. We have lots of plans during that week including moving in and taking them up to Estes Park to see where we want to get married. There's even a chance that they will rent the moving van and bring back the piano and everything then instead of waiting a few more weeks.

At this point, we're mostly waiting for all the bank stuff to go through. We are hoping that the seller will let us store our stuff there if we aren't able to close before June 16. We have a lot of furniture and it will be expensive to pay for a place to store it for a month. We also need to get a washer and dryer and a ton of other stuff. Daniel is pretty sure his mom is going to take us shopping at thrift stores and IKEA to pick out some stuff for the house. Right now, the plan is for us to fly back to Phoenix when finals are over and we will rent a truck to bring back a ton of stuff from there, including the piano. We will drive that back around June 16 when the closing date is.

Daniel also found a roommate for us in the summer and fall. It's one of his alumni fraternity brothers, Paul. He graduated 2 years ago, so he's 23 (I think). We get along really well. And that will help with rent for everyone. We are still hoping to get one more person, but I don't want it to be a complete stranger. Daniel has been looking at wanted ads on Craigs List just to see, but I'm really not comfortable living there with a stranger while Daniel is at the music camp. And then we will be gone for a month in Europe and it'll just be Paul and whoever else. But we'll work it out. I'm a little worried about having 2 weeks of nothing to do while Daniel's at the music camp. I have been thinking about having my mom come out with me and help us get settled and I can show her around Denver. I haven't talked to her about it yet, so we'll see.

This house stuff has been so distracting that I have been really neglecting my schoolwork. I would rather daydream than pay attention in class. And it's been such a long school year. Just one more week and I can finally relax. This was a really bad week for labs. It was our last week in biology and chemistry. It was like 90 degrees on Monday and one of my classrooms didn't have air conditioning so I wore a tank top, bermuda shorts, and flip flops. Well I came to lab that way and got yelled at by my TA. He threatened to take off 10 points, but later he said it would be no more than 5. Then on Wednesday I showed up to lab (appropriately dressed) and remembered just then that we were turning in our lab notebooks that day. I had turned mine in last quarter and never got it back from the TA. I was just making notes in my lab manual and I was going to buy a new notebook and copy them into there this week. I just completely forgot. It was worth 40 points. Because I had the observations written in my manual, she gave me 1o points, but that's still 30 off. Then we started the lab and 30 minutes into it, my lab partner knocked my beaker over. So I had to start all over. This just happened to be a lab where your glassware has to be completely dry or one of the reagents will react with water and it won't work. So I dried it very carefully with paper towels and blew air into the beaker to evaporate the water. I started the lab over again, but it didn't work. Everyone else's was a lime green color, and mine was brown. My TA asked if I put it in the drying oven for 20 minutes when I started over. Of course I didn't! I was already 30 minutes behind, I'm not going to be another 20 minutes behind just to make sure every little drop is gone. Ugh. So I cleaned up my stuff. You only lose 5 points for not having product, so it's not that big of deal. And at least I got out early.

But after all of that, I was so stressed out and feeling angry with myself. When I get bad grades, I feel like it's completely my fault: I didn't study long enough, I didn't pay enough attention in class, I didn't put in enough effort, I shouldn't have missed that one day when I slept in, etc. etc. So all of this was going through my head last night. The problem is I don't have the motivation to study longer, harder, more. It's the end of the year and I'm putting in just enough to get Bs so I can be done with all of this. All of it makes me want to just drop out of college or at least change my major to something that doesn't require 2-3 labs a week! On top of all that school stress, it's been really hard having Daniel's family here. I mean I love that they are here, and I was so excited for them to come, but it's a lot of work. Evan has been with us 24/7 for the past week. We haven't had one second to ourselves. I love him, but it's a lot. A lot of stress to have 3 people in that tiny room and all of Evan's stuff. And to have no alone time. That's hard for me. It just all built until yesterday. So at 9:00 I put on my pajamas and went to bed. I fell asleep immediately and didn't wake up until 9:00 this morning. It was exactly what I needed. I feel so much better today. And Daniel is taking Evan to the airport right now which means that we will have some time together for the first time in almost a week. I'm really looking forward to it :-)

Even More Excitement!

Well, it's official! We put in an offer on a beautiful house that I love! But I have to start from the beginning :-)

Evan and Robert got here on Friday morning at 8am. Daniel and I both had class, so they slept in Daniel's room until 11am. I met them over at Newman and we watched Daniel perform. He did so great! He has made a lot of improvement. And I could tell he was really excited to have his dad and brother here to see him. We had lunch together and discussed the plan for the weekend. I was kind of discouraged because it seemed like Robert wasn't listening to us. He thought the houses were all really far from campus (which they are) but we tried to tell him that there aren't any within our price range any closer. It didn't really matter in the end. On Saturday we went to 6 houses in Ruby Hill which is west of campus. It's a largely hispanic neighborhood, with really nice houses right in our price range. A lot of them are flips so pretty much every house we looked at was remodeled, unoccupied, and ready to move in. At the end of the day we had 2 that we really liked. The last house we looked at I really loved and was ready to move in right then. Everyone else loved it too. It had a garage big enough for 3 cars, a huge backyard perfect for picnics and BBQs, and a beautiful kitchen and master suite. The problem is that there is a room right in the middle of the house with no windows. Somebody built an addition onto the back of the house for the master suite and that blocked off that room so it had no windows. The other house was great, but the bathrooms were pretty small and it was on a somewhat busy street. And there was a food bank/clothing bank just down the street so we were a little concerned about that.

On Sunday I had my choir performance at an Episcopalian church in the morning. That was quite an experience. I've never been to an Episcopalian church and it was very Catholic-esque. Lots of ceremony and processional and recitations and stuff. They even "chanted" a bible verse where the congregation responded. It was a loooooong sermon. I almost fell asleep to be honest. And then we finally sang. They were doing communion and stuff which was extremely distracting. I seriously couldn't even focus on the director. Actually the whole service was distracting. There were these people that walked down the aisle carrying a big cross and holding up the bible. It was interesting and neat to see a different kind of worship. The essence was the same, though. I felt bad for the Jewish girl sitting next to me. She didn't recite anything, but she still had to sing our songs about Jesus and stuff. She told me she had never been to a church service before.

So after church we looked at 6 more houses. Most of them were too expensive or really trashed. These were all East of campus which was a much nicer neighborhood. Mostly white and more expensive houses. But also more expensive. The last house we looked at was a flip and it was $190K. It was being sold by the owner who bought it to remodel it and resell it. He was there and told us a little bit about the house. It was a nice layout. Three bedrooms upstairs and one bath. The kitchen, dining room, and living room also upstairs. Then there's a basement with another living room, a small tiled room (probably supposed to be the laundry room) and then the master suite with a HUGE closet, nice bathroom and big shower, and dimmable lights. Evan liked that. It really was a beautiful house and perfect for what we needed. One bedroom was pretty small, but the perfect size for a study room. The basement could be the TV room while we can keep the upstairs living room for formal entertaining. The backyard has lots of grass and a fenced in dog run for our future doggie Daisy. The only thing I hate is that there's no garage. Only space for one car in the (uncovered) driveway and then everyone else has to park on the street. But besides that, it was perfect. We got Hope and took her back to our top 3 to get her opinion. Then we went out to dinner to seriously discuss it. In the end, we decided the location and lack of a room with no windows made that house beat out the other. And we are all happy with that decision. So in a couple hours Robert is going to submit our offer and we'll just wait to hear back. He's asking for closing in 30-45 days so if the offer is accepted, we can move in at the end of June! I am beyond excited. Thrilled! I want to get in there and start painting and moving in furniture and cooking and everything. The neighborhood is soo much nicer. Two blocks from a park, and one street over has houses that are close to $300K. So it's a good investment.

It was such a long weekend. It was a lot of work and a lot of emotion. I really loved that other house, but really any of the three would have been great. Now it's just wait and see if the seller will accept our offer. Evan will be here until Saturday. It's so fun having him here, he always makes me smile. Robert will be here longer than that. I'm not really sure exactly how long. Probably after the offer goes through and the inspection and everything. I love having family here :-)

Oh, and I got my chemistry midterm back: 87%! The average was only 75%! I did the best on this last round of midterms than I have in a long time. Strange considering I was more focused on my grandparents being here, and house-hunting, etc. But I guess that's how it goes. My last biology lab was today, and after next week it's just finals. I'm so excited for this summer. It's going to be awesome.

Excitement!

What a busy week it has been! Grandma and Grandpa arrived Monday afternoon and I knew exactly what to do with them that night. We came back here and they got to experience the lovely Nelson cuisine. It's kind of funny because they pay for my tuition, room, and board so they really paid for their own meals in the dining hall in an indirect sort of way. Anyways, after we ate we went over to the HRTM (hotel, restaurant, tourism management) school. Daniel and a few of the other RAs were putting on a cooking class program for the residents. Some of the HRTM students were teaching us how to make a complete dinner. We had chicken, roasted vegetables, salad, and cookies. Grandma loves to cook so she had a great time. Grandpa enjoyed looking around and meeting my friends too. It was a great way for them to meet a lot of the other RAs and we had a delicious meal at the end. We also took that opportunity to show them our rooms and around our residence hall a little bit.

The next morning I got my shift covered so I could spend time with them instead of sit at the desk. Daniel and I picked them up at 10am and drove around the neighborhood we are hoping to buy a house in. They agreed that it was a very nice neighborhood. It did seem a little far, but that's probably because we were driving from their hotel instead of from campus itself. Then Daniel dropped us off on the North side of campus and I gave them a little tour as we walked to the south side. It was a lot to fit in just a morning, but we made it across campus in about an hour. It's hard for Grandpa to walk that much, but he did pretty well. He seemed to really like that there are free newspapers everywhere. I realized at one point that he had disappeared and I found him a ways back stopped in front of the newspaper vending machine. So I stuck my ID in and got him a USA today. He was even more excited when we told him he could have one of our Wall Street Journals that gets delivered to Nelson each day. Grandpa is so funny. So we met Daniel back at Nelson and this time they got to try Nagel's food for lunch. After lunch we walked over to the very south side of campus and showed them the science buildings and the music building, Newman. Newman is our favorite building on campus so I was really excited to show them. They were definitely impressed. Daniel played a solo for them that he is performing on Friday and I sight read the accompaniment. It was fun and Grandma and Grandpa asked lots of questions about the tuba and Daniel's classes and all. After that Daniel and I had class, so we took them back to their hotel. I think they were ready for a nap and a rest after all of that walking. I had choir rehearsal from 4-6, but luckily Daniel didn't have wind ensemble that day. So he went and picked them up around 5 and they got to hear the end of our rehearsal. So even though they couldn't be here for Daniel's performance or my choir concert, they got to hear us both! It was so perfect :-) Then we drove downtown and had dinner at one of my favorite restaurants, P.F. Chang's. We showed them around LoDo, Larimar Square, and 16th street. We also parked and walked into the Denver Center for Performing Arts which they loved. We love it too. I really wanted to show them places that Daniel and I like to go a lot.

When we got home that night, Daniel had to go straight to staff meeting. I was looking forward to relaxing for a half hour before I had to register for next quarter. There was a class that I really wanted to get into, but it was filling up fast. I kept checking and it was full before I even had a chance to register. Once I got up to our room, I remembered that we were supposed to do mail and we never did. So at 9:15 I went downstairs to work on the mail. I stopped halfway through to register and figure out what classes I'm going to take. By the time I finished, Daniel was done with his staff meeting. Then I remembered that I had a huge chemistry test the next morning. So I went upstairs and studied for another hour. It was a very exhausting day, but definitely worth it.

Wednesday morning I woke up early so I could get a little studying in and get to the test early. It's a good thing I did because it took me (and everyone else) the entire 55 minutes to take it. It's never a good sign when the proctor says "times up" and you have to turn in the test no matter how much you've finished. Luckily I was on the bonus question when he said that. So I didn't have time to go over it, but I did have time to finish. I had psychology (which I totally fell asleep in) and then chem lab. I thought chem lab would never end. We had to wait for our water to boil and it took forever. But I got out of lab around 4:15 and we were supposed to go meet Grandma and Grandpa at 5pm for dinner. They had spent all day with Grandma's cousin Eric. They visited his mother (Grandma's aunt Ruth and my Great-Grandma's sister) and his sister (Grandma's other cousin, Jane). Jane had actually called me in the fall because she knew that I lived here and she was going to have me and Daniel over for dinner. Unfortunately her health has not been good. She was just diagnosed with meningial tuberculosis confined to the lining of the central nervous system. It's symptoms are like a stroke. She can't walk or really talk and sometimes she's very confused. Grandma told me that they both were doing well yesterday. Ruth (Jane and Eric's mother) is in her 90s so she lives in a elderly care home and she knew who both of them were and seemed to be very alert. Jame is still in the hospital. Eventually, she will be moved to a long-term care facility as well so Eric has been cleaning out her condo.

He found some old dishes that belonged to their grandmother (my great-great-grandmother- my mother's mother's mother's mother). They are Haviland China from France. She had earned coupons from the local grocery store and turned them in for China dishes almost 100 years ago. She has the complete 12-person set with serving dishes and all. He offered to give them to me so that they would stay in the family. So he brought one dish to show us the pattern and they are just gorgeous! I can't believe I get to inherit these beautiful antique porcelain dishes. Grandma told me that the mark of good porcelain is that if you hold it up to the light you can see through it. Well Eric told us that the tea cups that are with the set are like eggshell. I can't wait to put them in our new house! He also brought us some sterling silver teaspoons and forks that belonged to his grandmother. The teaspoons have beautiful edging on the bottom and the inside of the bowl on the spoon is very unique. It has lines that make it not perfectly smooth and spherical but sectioned off like the sides of an octagon or something. It's hard to explain. On the back of the spoons is engraved in really fancy font MB for Marianne Bentee, her maiden name. So she got the spoons before she was even married. And she was married before 1900! Her married name was Marianne Erkie. He also told us that her husband was named something, August August Erkie. Two middle names of August. They named him that because they had two wealthy relatives named August and they wanted to make sure they got inheritance from both of them. Well, they never got a cent from either one. But it's a funny story anyways. So once we have the house ready, we're going to call Eric and arrange to get the dishes. Daniel and I were thinking maybe we'll have the whole family over to our place and cook Thanksgiving and serve it on our antique china dishes.

So all 5 of us went out to this pizza place for dinner. It was great to hear these old stories and learn about some of my ancestors. After dinner Eric went home and the four of us went to Bonnie Brae for some ice cream. I tried to give them the true Denver experience. I didn't want to leave that night because I know it's going to be such a long time before I see them again. My grandparents are probably my favorite people on the planet. They never do anything selfish, they still hold hands after 55 years of marriage, they never speak harshly to each other or anyone, and always are encouraging and loving to my entire family and Daniel too. I definitely aspire to be like them. I miss them so much when I'm away at school. But just as Grandpa says, it makes me appreciate when I'm with them more.

Now I get to look forward to Robert and Evan coming! They will be here tomorrow morning and I am so excited. On Saturday we are spending all day looking at houses and hopefully by the end of the day we will be ready to put in an offer. Then on Sunday is my choir concert. Normally I wouldn't be too excited about it, but I actually have family here to watch me! And I'm also looking forward to going to church. It's always a peaceful and calming experience for me. It reminds me of my childhood and family.

Oh and last night I got my financial aid package for next year. They are offering me almost $8,000 more than last year which brings the total to close to $25,000 in financial aid. About $6,000 of that is loans, but it's still close to $20,000 of scholarships. So with a tuition of $35,000 that means they are only spending $15,000 a year for tuition. Of course they are paying for my rent and all, but I am thrilled that I got so much more financial aid for next year. I haven't had a chance to tell Grandma and Grandpa, but I know they'll be happy too.

Besides all this excitement, I have a lot of homework to do. I have a big paper due Monday and I need to start preparing for finals. But right now I'm willing to push that all aside for a little while and just enjoy having family here :-)

Thinking about the Future

I am definitely ready for school to be done.  Three weeks left + one week of finals and then it's the summer.  I can't believe it!  I have NO CLUE what I am going to do after I take my last test.  I literally have nothing to do until July.  Unless of course we have a house to move into and then I have TONS to do.  Move in, paint, cook, clean, etc.  This may be really weird for those that don't know me, but I'm really excited about the first day we can move in, because I am going to go into the house and wash every little corner.  If you think about it, it's the only time that you can really clean the entire house because there's no furniture to get in the way.  Having a brand new perfectly clean house makes me so happy :-)  I really cannot believe that in a month we will have our first home.  It feels to me like the start of our 'adult life' and kind of the start of me and Daniel's 'adult relationship'.  Even though we won't be paying for anything ourselves except food, we will still be completely on our own and responsible for the house.  It's so exciting!  Another thing I'm super excited for is entertaining.  It will be so fun to go grocery shopping and cook a beautiful meal and set the table nicely and invite friends over.  It's my housewife dream come true!  It seems like Hope is going to be around for June so hopefully she will move in right away too.  Then I won't be completely by myself.  Daniel will have to live in the dorms during the music camp to keep track of his kiddies.  But I'm sure he'll be over at the house a lot helping me decorate and all.

It's really hard to concentrate on school when I have all these exciting things to look forward to this summer.  Studying and homework and tests just don't seem to matter in the big scheme of things.  I have also really started looking at wedding stuff.  I have saved a bunch of pictures of stuff I want to do.  It's hard right now because I have no idea what my budget will be.  Right now this is what we've decided:  The colors will be dark teal and brown, there will be a snowflake theme (printed on the invitations, programs, on the cake, etc.)  and I think it would be really cool to have snowflakes hanging from the ceiling in our colors.  I want my mom to make cushions for the chairs in teal to dress up the plain wood a little bit.  We'll have to do a lot with decorations to make the cabin look elegant and not mountain rustic.  I was also thinking of having pashminas for all the ladies since it will be cold out, but that may be a bit too expensive.  I want lots of flowers and everything to fit in with the theme.  I haven't thought about the menu at all.  Except that because it is an overnight/weekend kind of thing, I think we'll serve dinner and then brunch the next morning too.  Like muffins/bagels, that kind of thing.  My dress is going to be A-line with a v-neck or sweetheart neckline.  Preferably not strapless, because I think that would look silly in winter.  Also, I'm hoping to include some teal accent on it like maybe a ribbon that goes around the empire waist and all the way down my long train.  And I want it to sparkle everywhere!  I haven't even thought about food yet.  Daniel wants a brass quintet to play for the ceremony and he wants to commission our very own piece to walk down the aisle too.  I'm not so sure about that, but if Daniel really really wants it, then I guess it's okay.  What else....  Oh!  I want to have some kind of cover to go over my dress so that we can take pictures outside.  I so hope it snows, but I'm not sure it will in late October.  We may have to move the date later or just settle for the dead trees in between autumn and winter look.   Yuck.  We are still planning on having a ceremony and reception in Estes Park and then a reception in Phoenix as well.  I'll wear my dress again, and hopefully the whole wedding party and family will be there as well.  We won't serve dinner at that.  Maybe it'll be a dessert kind of thing.  

It's unfortunate that Daniel and I have such different perspectives on the wedding.  I think that the most important people are those that I have grown up with and have been there my whole life (church people, family, Nicole/Sarah/Beth) where Daniel thinks that the most important people are those that we are friends with now and in the future (school friends, fraternity brothers, family).  We'll have to reconcile that somehow when we make the invitation list.  The nice thing about having a small ceremony in Estes park is that we can do it a little nicer because there are less people to pay for.  80 people really is not that many.  Family will account for probably half of that.  Luckily neither of us have big families.  In fact, we both have rather small families.  

So, as you can see, we have already put a lot of thought into this.  But nothing's for sure at this point.  We have a long way to go.  A tiny part of me is hoping that somehow we are able to move the wedding up a year or two, but it probably won't happen.  We can't get married until we can completely support ourselves and that means after graduate school.  But by then we will definitely be able to support ourselves, and maybe a baby too!

Speaking of babies, I really want twins.  I have been watching old videos of me and Nicole when we were babies and we were so cute!  I think twins are waaay cuter than just one.  Of course it's not like I'll have any control over that.  This is such a fun time of life.  When I have all these possibilities ahead of me.  House, dog, trip abroad, graduation, marraige, babies.....  it's all so exciting!  I'm so impatient to experience all of these things.  But I know there's a possibility that once I'm sitting there in our house, with our puppy, graduated from college, married, with a baby, I'm going to be sad that it's all over.  Nothing more to look forward to- I've finally accomplished it all.  I hope it's not like that.  Then I get to look forward to first words, first steps, first day of school......

Yellow Sun, Blue Sky

It is almost 80 degrees today, so I'm wearing a pretty sundress :-) It makes the whole day better! Our realtor emailed Daniel yesterday about houses to see when his Dad comes. We looked at this house a few weeks ago that we absolutely loved but it already had a ton of offers on it, so we gave up. She checked and the listing is still active. She is going to contact the listers and find out if it's still available. If it is, I really really hope we get that one. It's perfect for us and in a beautiful neighborhood.

Today I got some DVDs from my dad in the mail. They are old home videos from when I was little. I think it will help with my psychology paper. Hopefully. I'm not having a lot of luck finding research on attachment to romantic partners. I have thought about changing the topic to just attachment to my sister and how it has changed over the years. I don't know. I'm going to keep looking and write my paper around the research papers I can find. I think it'll be a fun paper though. Oh, and my professor canceled class on Monday! That's awesome, because that's when my grandparents are getting here. So I will have two hours of class in the morning and then lab from 2-3ish. Also good is that on Tuesday the NATS class is taking a midterm so I don't have to be there. Which means if I get my shifts covered then I will only have choir rehearsal in the evening. I'll be able to spend the rest of the day with grandma and grandpa.

Even though there's a month of school left, it feels like things are wrapping up. The RAs are talking about closing, my classes are getting close to finals, and I only have a couple labs left. Registration for fall quarter is next week. It was fun to think about my schedule in the context of driving home at the end of the day instead of just walking back to my dorm room.  My schedule for next year is awesome if I get all the classes I want. Core classes are pretty hard to get into because the entire University has to take them. And the one I want "Memoirs of Madness" is pretty popular. The professor is awesome, and it's really interesting. It's about mental illness and you learn about it by reading the actual memoirs of mentally ill patients. I think it will be a good addition to my psychology minor.  I tried to fill my schedule up with no breaks (except for lunch) because I won't be able to just go home for an hour in the middle of the day.  Well, I guess I could but it would be kind of pointless.  Daniel and I also tried to match up our schedules because we'll be carpooling to school and back.  And I want to make sure I'm done in time to cook dinner for us.  I'm so excited!!

I met with my new advisor yesterday and he was incredibly helpful. My old advisor left DU and lives in Europe now, so I had to get a new one. I told him about my major, minors, and plan to go to Nursing school. He told me things like which classes are hard and which quarter I will want to take a lighter schedule to focus on the harder biology and chemistry classes. And he knows which classes are offerred which quarters so I can work that all out. I sat down and filled in my 4 year plan with all of my major requirements, university requirements, both minor requirements, and nursing school prerequisites and I think I got it to all fit in four years. Actually, my senior year I'll only be taking 8-11 credits so I even have some space left.  I'll probably use that extra space to do some undergraduate research with a professor.  It will be a hard schedule my junior year though. A couple quarters I'm taking four science classes, and up to three labs. Yikes! But it's worth it. My advisor suggested that I may want to switch my major to biology because then a lot of my nursing school prereqs will count towards my major, but I really like chemistry.  And he said that if I like chemistry, he thinks we can make it work.  I really really hope I get all the classes I want next quarter.  I'm excited to finally be in some upper level science classes and not with freshmen all the time.

 

Time for work!  Daniel's dad and Evan are coming in less than two weeks!

Formal 2009!

Well this weekend was a blast.  I had to work on Saturday morning, but as soon as I finished we drove up there.  Eric invited Ali to go as his date, so they rode with us up there.  It rained pretty much the whole way and it was so foggy we couldn't see more than a half a mile ahead.  As we got up there it cleared up.  We saw quite a few bighorn sheep on the side of the road!  I was really excited about that, but nobody else was.  They thought I overreacted a little, but Eric and Daniel enjoyed commenting on their "giant balls."  They never grow up, do they?  The whole drive up there was so beautiful.  I fall in love with Colorado every time we drive up to the mountains.  We got there around 4pm and checked into our room.  The room was so beautiful.  We had a king bed and a fireplace and every room had a balcony.  We were all right next to each other so we could go out on our balcony and shout to each other.  Eric and Daniel were anxious to get down to the hot tub.  Ali and I decided not to get in, but we sat with them and had some wine and cheese to start off the evening.  We went exploring a little bit and discovered the locker rooms.  They were incredible.  They had individual showers with shampoo, conditioner, and body wash.  There was a sauna and a steam room.  There were individual little vanities with chairs, hair dryer, and a mirror.  At each one was a collection of free stuff including baskets of disposable razors, Q-tips, cotton balls, lotion, hair spray, and tampons.  There was even a machine that presses all the water out of your swimsuit!  The guys were sooo excited, they had to use the sauna.  Ali and I headed back upstairs to get ready.  Eric and Daniel just ended up using the showers down there so they were pretty much ready when they got back.  I ironed Daniel's shirt and then did my makeup and hair.  Ali and Eric came to our room and we walked together over to Seth's room (which was a suite with a loft) where everyone was meeting before dinner.  Seth took a picture of each couple as we entered, and James handed us each a glass of champagne for the opening toast.  We all met each other and took pictures.  I think Seth was already drunk when he gave the toast because he kept saying the same thing over and over again.  "We want to welcome all the dates; by the way have you seen the loft?"  We all laughed the third (and fourth and fifth) time he said it.  Daniel tried to wrap it up by shouting "To Theta Chi!" and we all clanked glasses, but Seth insisted he wasn't done.  It was really funny.  

The restaurant where we had dinner was a short walk down this hill.  It was pretty wet and cold, so most of us drove.  Luckily some of the guys hadn't started drinking yet and they drove us down there.  Each date (I have to say date, not girl, because one of the brothers is gay and his date was obviously a guy) got a red carnation which is Theta Chi's official flower.  We took pictures out on the deck of the restaurant.  The hotel was right in the side of a cliff so the view was incredible.  Dinner was mediocre, but the dessert was delicious!  They had all these little tiny cakes in all different flavors.  After dinner, we went back up to the hotel for about an hour to "hang out."  At around 9:30 we all went back to the restaurant to dance.  I may have had a little too much to drink, because my stomach was a little queasy when we were dancing.  But I danced anyways.  Eric was totally hammered.  All night long he kept telling me "I'm sooooo glad you and Daniel are getting married.  You're going to be so happy together."  Over and over again.  It was quite amusing.  After a few hours we left to go soak in the hot tub.  Daniel and me, Jeff and his date Michaela, and Evan and his date Ricky walked there together.  Slowly, most of the brothers came to join us.  Molly and Amanda jumped in the pool in their dresses.  I found out later that Eric made out with Molly on the dance floor.  Last year Molly had a thing for Daniel and flirted with him incessantly.  It made me kind of mad, but I'm not the type to hold a grudge.  I'm the one with the ring, after all. :-)  So anyways, she has sort of a reputation for being loose.  I can't believe anyone kissed Eric after the way he was acting.  He was really sloppy obnoxious drunk.  But that's Molly I guess.  I guess Daniel had a little too much to drink too, because he threw up in the bushes.  But he felt much better after that lol.  I think I may be making this sound worse than it was.  Really, it was only a few people who were really really drunk.  Most of us just drank a little.  Everyone had a great time regardless.  The next morning a few people went in the hot tub again.  Daniel and I hung out with Jeff and few other guys by the fire pit near the pool.  It was surprisingly cold up there for May.  It was really nice though because we had pretty much the whole hotel to ourselves.  It's in between ski season and summer vacation season for them, so they don't get a lot of business.  We checked out around noon and then drove together about 30 minutes down the mountain to Vail.  Vail is a huge ski town, so it was also pretty deserted.  Jeff worked there this winter so he knew a great restaurant to go to.  About half of us ended up having lunch there and we looked at each other's pictures and compared stories.  We all gave Eric a hard time.  I think he was still drunk from the night before; he didn't eat much.

Overall, it was so much fun!  Daniel and I got to sort of relive our proposal.  We finished off the bottle of wine that we had that weekend, and the hotel was similar.  Only this time we got to hang out with a lot of really good friends and make some new ones too.