Fighting Down Panic

This morning I met my new lab for the first time.  They invited me to come to their Friday morning meeting so I could meet everyone and see the lab.  I was really excited yesterday.  Then this morning I started to get nervous.  While I was in the meeting, I was fighting down full-blown panic.  Well, that may be a bit dramatic.  I'm just not sure I'm prepared for this.

Okay, I was in the middle of writing that paragraph and white foam started shooting up out of the sink about a foot high. It filled up the entire sink in less than a minute and now is threatening to overflow onto the floor.  I put a bunch of blue pads down, so hopefully that'll take care of it.  Random.

Anyways, as I sat in the meeting and listened to everyone talk about things that I knew nothing about, I started to think about how much they know and I don't know.  I really hate being the new one.  I don't like having to ask people where things are and try to figure out the way they do things.  I'm afraid that I'm going to say something dumb or not know something they thought was really obvious.  Right now I'm thinking "why in the world did I leave my comfortable job that I love with all the people that I get along with to go to a new lab where I know nobody and know nothing about the work?!"  But I'm going to use Daniel's mom's favorite technique: cognitive behavioral therapy.  Instead of thinking that I'm crazy for changing jobs, I'm going to think about every good thing about starting my new job.

1) I will meet new people, and make new friends.  Making new friends is always a good thing, especially for someone like me who has a hard time with it.

2)  I will learn a lot.  I will learn new lab techniques, better cell culture practices, and all about breast cancer and cancer physiology.

3) I will make A LOT more money.

4) I will potentially get 2 or 3 more publications.

5) I won't have to work with the very few people in this lab that I don't enjoy working with.

6) I will have a higher position and will no longer feel like I was cheated out of what I fully deserve (a full professional research assistant position- NOT an obscure "technician" position that is just an excuse to pay me less).

7) I will practice going outside of my comfort zone, and pushing myself to be better.

I will repeat this list over and over in the next few days until I feel less panicked and more excited.  I will take a deep breath, and believe that everything is going to be fine.  Great.  Fantastic!