Just Call Me Ms. Fix-It

Every weekend this summer has started with no plans, but somehow I always end up feeling like it wasn't long enough. There's the inevitable laundry, grocery shopping, house cleaning, and yard work that takes up most of Saturday. The grocery shopping part is going to take even longer now that we have to drive to a Costco that's 20 minutes away. The one just down the street no longer carries the chicken that we like, nor the salmon. Really the only reason we go to Costco is for beef, chicken, and fish. If 2 out of the 3 aren't carried in stock anymore, what's the point? So now we drive further to a Costco that actually carries the stuff we like. Then on Saturday night Daniel and I were discussing how high our utilities bill was this month. Now that it's gotten really hot, we have to turn on the air conditioning. Unfortunately our roommates are not as careful as us about their use of energy. They regularly leave lights on and windows open. It's very frustrating. Another large part of the problem is that the upstairs is very warm when the basement is comfortable. In an effort to fix that (without increasing our energy bill) we decided to install a ceiling fan in the living room. Little did I know what a project this would turn out to be. It involved rewiring a light switch to add another switch. This in turn involved climbing up into the attic (which was like 200 degrees) to feed a wire across the ceiling and down to the light switch. It took us 3 trips into the attic (me once and Daniel twice). After the third time, we finally fed the wire through. Then Daniel climbed down and went outside claiming he was going to throw up from the heat. I sprayed him down with the hose, and we got back to work. Almost 5 hours later, we have a fully functional ceiling fan in the living room! I'm so proud of us. I'm so proud of ME! Not only did I climb around in the attic, but I patched two very large holes, repainted those holes, used a screwdriver, climbed on a very tall and wobbly ladder, and figured out how to put together a complicated fan. It would be so much easier for me to just make Daniel do it since he's the guy and his Dad taught him how to do all this household stuff, but I forced myself to pay attention and get involved and help. Good thing too, because even with the two of us it took all day.

Though I don't have children or a career yet, I'm already feeling pressured to pick between the two. Everyone who knows me even a little bit knows that I am ready to start a family NOW. I have been ready for years! I'm in college so that I can get a career that will allow me to support my family. Being able to support children has always been my motivation for going to college. But all of a sudden, I'm feeling a tug in the opposite direction. This summer has given me a feeling for what it is like to work full-time. This is as close as I've ever come to knowing what it will be like when I graduate. And I absolutely love it! I love my work. I love having a reason to get out of bed in the morning. I love the feeling of independence when I am driving to and from work, and the satisfaction of earning a pay check. I love the challenge of proving my abilities and learning new things. I have pushed myself to go above and beyond to impress my supervisors. I even volunteered to go into work at 11pm on Friday night so my boss didn't have to. Daniel is so proud of me because he feels like I am well on my way to a fantastic career. And he is so driven in his own life to work his way up the corporate ladder. It seems like every decision he makes is with his future career in mind. For example, he's president of Theta Chi because it will give him leadership experience to add to his resume. He expects that I feel the same way. He thinks that if I play my cards right, I could be a Ph. D. and be a world famous research scientist. He, and his family, and my family, constantly tell me how smart I am and that I can do anything. But what if what I want to do is have kids? The fact is, it's just not as important to Daniel. He sees children as a bonus once our careers are settled and we have a little extra money. At least that's the way I understood him. His plan is to work really hard for long hours and get promotions and raises until he's the CEO. Then he'll think about having kids. Whereas I see my career as just a way to earn enough money so that I can spend time with my family. There is a little part of me that really wants to climb the corporate ladder too. I would love to have the title (and paycheck) that goes along with earning my Ph. D. I want to be the best at what I do, and earn recognition for that. But if it comes down to choosing, I have to have children.