Life is finally starting to feel normal. Or I guess as normal as it can feel with an infant. I am starting to realize that with a baby, life is constantly changing. So I've sort of given up trying to get into a routine as consistent as before Elijah was born. Daniel and I have made a few changes to our day that makes for a much less stressful experience for all 3 of us. I've started coming to work an hour earlier (which is still only 8am- not that early). This works much better with Elijah's natural schedule. His sleeping has naturally fallen into a pattern of bed around 8pm, wake to eat between 3:30 and 4:30, then up for good and another feeding around 6. Daniel leaves for work at 7. I used to try to shower and get ready between 7 and 8, but that was very difficult to do with Elijah awake and tired (read: fussy). So now I get up a little earlier, Daniel feeds Eljiah a bottle when he gets up and then the boys hang out while I get ready. We are both out the door around 7 or 7:15 and after dropping Elijah off, I'm at my desk by 8. Before, the morning drive was about the time that he was ready to go back to sleep, so he was very tired and grumpy the whole way. With this new schedule Elijah is much less likely to scream all the way to work, and he arrives happy and smiling instead of crying. It makes me a hundred times happier to be able to shower and get ready without worrying about Elijah, drive to work without a screaming baby in the backseat, and drop him off with him smiling rather than crying. I'm also able to leave work an hour earlier in the afternoon which is the difference between leaving when it's still light out and when it's dark and the difference between horrible traffic and fairly manageable traffic. So all in all, it's working much better for us. The only downside is that I'm not nursing Elijah when he wakes up at 6. I miss nursing him so much. I usually only get in one feed before bed if I'm lucky, and then the early morning feed. Besides that it's all bottles. At least I still get to feed him on the weekends. I also feel like I never see Elijah. When we are at home I'm either trying to get ready for work in the mornings or taking care of dinner and evening chores. And Elijah always comes home so exhausted. There's no time to just sit and play with Elijah. I'm trying to figure out how people do it- or if their lives really just center around chores, obligations, and work. I can only hope that as Elijah gets older, he'll stay up a little later and we'll have time to play in the evenings. Otherwise it seems like a very long 18 years filled with meeting Elijah's needs and missing out on the fun parts of life. Of course I'm exaggerating a bit, but that's what it feels like right now. When I'm not at work, I'm hoarding every second I get to spend with my baby boy. But it helps that I've been able to go see Elijah during work hours. His day care is so close that I can go visit him in the middle of the day. It's amazing how much happier I am after I get to see him. The whole day goes faster. I was even able to feed him the other day. I wasn't the only mom in the nursing room either. Apparently there are other mothers that go to nurse their baby in the middle of the day. It's such a great day care; I am absolutely thrilled with it so far. Last Friday when I went to pick him up, they were all strapped into the stroller taking a walk around the building. Elijah looked so grown up sitting up in a stroller with all those nearly-one-year-olds! And one day this week he was sitting in Miss Erika's lap while she read a story to 2 of the other kids. They were all perfectly still and silent, listening to her. I can tell Elijah is happy there.
When we do have a few minutes to play, I fall more in love with Elijah each moment. He smiles more and more. Sometimes he even initiates a smile now. Most often it's in the mornings. I'll put him down on the changing table and he looks right at me and smiles. Daniel can make him smile pretty much any time. Elijah thinks he is so funny! I love to watch them interact. Even when he's not smiling, his eyes are so expressive. I can tell when he looks at me that he knows I am his mom. He always looks like he is fascinated with the world. You can tell he's taking everything in and learning so much. He is such a beautiful boy.
In less than 2 weeks we will travel to Phoenix for Thanksgiving. I am so excited to spend time with our families all together. Many of them will be meeting Elijah for the first time. I'm a little nervous too. This is our first time traveling with Elijah. And it will be very busy with a lot of activity for Elijah to take in at once. I hope he isn't too overwhelmed. I'm planning to take Elijah and have some quiet time each day, whether the family likes it or not. I have to do what's best for him. I need to make sure that he's eating on schedule (and I will be nursing him- no bottles!), and getting enough sleep. I don't want a grumpy baby or a grumpy mom! Most of all, I'm excited. I will get to spend 5 whole days with our little family, and lots of time with our extended family as well.
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Day Care
I survived going back to work! It was incredibly difficult, but of course I got through it. My first day was really hard, but it was made much easier by my mom. She came over early so I didn't have to worry about him while I was getting ready. Of course it was helpful having her there, but all I wanted to do was hold my baby boy. I didn't want to cry, so I held it together until I got into the car. It was great that I was able to call my mom as many times as I wanted to see how Elijah was doing. But really once I got to work I felt much better. It was great to see everyone again and I was reminded why I like my job. Everyone was so nice and asked me about Elijah. They all seemed very understanding of how hard it is to go back to work.
That first day was also my chance to see how pumping and bottles is going to work. He ate 16 ounces of milk, which totally freaked me out because I only produced half that much while I was at work. I was immediately calculating how long my frozen stash would last before I would have to supplement with formula. But the next day he didn't eat as much, and I have been nearly able to supply enough fresh milk for him each day since then. That night (Thursday night) Elijah slept through the night for the first time. He slept from 11pm until 6am. Unfortunately, he was in his swing all night long. I really hate to become dependent on anything to get him to sleep, but I enjoyed the night anyways. His sleeping habits have deteriorated in the last few weeks and there were many nights that I was up very late trying to get him to go to bed, and then again for hours trying to get him back to sleep after a feeding. But that one night was a total fluke- since then his sleeping has been even worse. Two nights ago he went to sleep at 8:30pm and I was so thrilled. But he woke up at 1am and didn't go back to sleep until 4:30! It took hours of rocking and nursing him over and over again before he finally fell asleep in my bed. After 30 minutes I felt brave enough to attempt to move him to his own bed and he stayed asleep thank goodness. Last night he slept really well again (9:30 to 4am and 5am to 7am) but it was in his swing again. And the 9:30 bedtime was only after an hour of crying, rocking, nursing, swaddling, etc. I can't help but wonder what happened to make bedtime so much more difficult all of a sudden. I think it must have something to do with me going back to work. All of a sudden he was left with a stranger (his grandma, but still a stranger to him) for a few days, and then we had a very busy weekend so I'm thinking that was a little stressful for him. All I can do is hope that a few weeks of day care and regular bedtime and waking up gets him back on track.
Our first day of day care was an absolute nightmare. He slept terribly so we were both exhausted. He woke up to eat at 6:15am and never went back to sleep. So I had to try to get ready while taking care of him. He did pretty well until I was in the middle of blow drying my hair and he had a total meltdown. I probably waited too long to tend to him because by the time I picked him up he was inconsolable. I spent 15 minutes holding him and calming him down. This made me 15 minutes late, so I was running around like crazy trying to remember everything I needed to bring to day care and for myself for work. He finally fell asleep 10 minutes before we had to leave, but he woke up when I put him in the car seat. Then he screamed harder than I've ever heard him scream before the whole way to day care. He finally stopped as I pulled in to the parking lot. I was already upset about leaving him and listening to him cry for 30 minutes certainly didn't help. I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown. I was already crying as I carried him inside. There was a sign on the door that said "Welcome Elijah R. and family." It was so thoughtful and made me cry even more. His teachers were so amazing though. They turned a horrible day into a manageable one. Immediately his teacher Erica consoled me and told me how she cried on her daughter's first day of high school (I don't even want to think about that!). She told me it will get easier and that I can call as much as I want to check on him. About an hour after I got to work his other teacher Justine called me just to tell me what he has been doing so far. It was so nice to hear from them. Even though they told me I could call, I was still hesitant. It was nice that they took the initiative. Justine also called me later to ask if I wanted to come and nurse him, or if they should go ahead and feed him. I told her to feed him, but then at 1pm I was able to go and visit. I drove over there and spent 30 minutes with Elijah. He was so happy laying on the floor looking at himself in a mirror. After he spit up a massive amount of milk all over me, I got to swaddle him up and rock him to sleep before I had to return to work. I also got to spend time getting to know his teachers and the other kids in his class. It made me so happy to see him relaxed and calm. I was there and back in less than an hour! Daniel was able to come and pick him up so I met them there when I got off work. When I walked in, Daniel was holding him fast asleep all swaddled up. My day started off horrible, but ended up perfect. And I give all the credit to his teachers and the day care.
Today was much better. Elijah slept well last night and slept late enough that I was able to shower and get ready before waking him up to eat just before we left. He did cry most of the way to day care again. I think he's just so tired in the morning. He is not a morning person, just like his mommy! But he'll get used to it. This morning I pulled over half way through my drive and put his pacifier back in. That calmed him down enough that he fell back asleep and stayed asleep until I left him. It was a lot easier just like everyone said, but still sad. I'm sure it will only get easier.
That first day was also my chance to see how pumping and bottles is going to work. He ate 16 ounces of milk, which totally freaked me out because I only produced half that much while I was at work. I was immediately calculating how long my frozen stash would last before I would have to supplement with formula. But the next day he didn't eat as much, and I have been nearly able to supply enough fresh milk for him each day since then. That night (Thursday night) Elijah slept through the night for the first time. He slept from 11pm until 6am. Unfortunately, he was in his swing all night long. I really hate to become dependent on anything to get him to sleep, but I enjoyed the night anyways. His sleeping habits have deteriorated in the last few weeks and there were many nights that I was up very late trying to get him to go to bed, and then again for hours trying to get him back to sleep after a feeding. But that one night was a total fluke- since then his sleeping has been even worse. Two nights ago he went to sleep at 8:30pm and I was so thrilled. But he woke up at 1am and didn't go back to sleep until 4:30! It took hours of rocking and nursing him over and over again before he finally fell asleep in my bed. After 30 minutes I felt brave enough to attempt to move him to his own bed and he stayed asleep thank goodness. Last night he slept really well again (9:30 to 4am and 5am to 7am) but it was in his swing again. And the 9:30 bedtime was only after an hour of crying, rocking, nursing, swaddling, etc. I can't help but wonder what happened to make bedtime so much more difficult all of a sudden. I think it must have something to do with me going back to work. All of a sudden he was left with a stranger (his grandma, but still a stranger to him) for a few days, and then we had a very busy weekend so I'm thinking that was a little stressful for him. All I can do is hope that a few weeks of day care and regular bedtime and waking up gets him back on track.
Our first day of day care was an absolute nightmare. He slept terribly so we were both exhausted. He woke up to eat at 6:15am and never went back to sleep. So I had to try to get ready while taking care of him. He did pretty well until I was in the middle of blow drying my hair and he had a total meltdown. I probably waited too long to tend to him because by the time I picked him up he was inconsolable. I spent 15 minutes holding him and calming him down. This made me 15 minutes late, so I was running around like crazy trying to remember everything I needed to bring to day care and for myself for work. He finally fell asleep 10 minutes before we had to leave, but he woke up when I put him in the car seat. Then he screamed harder than I've ever heard him scream before the whole way to day care. He finally stopped as I pulled in to the parking lot. I was already upset about leaving him and listening to him cry for 30 minutes certainly didn't help. I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown. I was already crying as I carried him inside. There was a sign on the door that said "Welcome Elijah R. and family." It was so thoughtful and made me cry even more. His teachers were so amazing though. They turned a horrible day into a manageable one. Immediately his teacher Erica consoled me and told me how she cried on her daughter's first day of high school (I don't even want to think about that!). She told me it will get easier and that I can call as much as I want to check on him. About an hour after I got to work his other teacher Justine called me just to tell me what he has been doing so far. It was so nice to hear from them. Even though they told me I could call, I was still hesitant. It was nice that they took the initiative. Justine also called me later to ask if I wanted to come and nurse him, or if they should go ahead and feed him. I told her to feed him, but then at 1pm I was able to go and visit. I drove over there and spent 30 minutes with Elijah. He was so happy laying on the floor looking at himself in a mirror. After he spit up a massive amount of milk all over me, I got to swaddle him up and rock him to sleep before I had to return to work. I also got to spend time getting to know his teachers and the other kids in his class. It made me so happy to see him relaxed and calm. I was there and back in less than an hour! Daniel was able to come and pick him up so I met them there when I got off work. When I walked in, Daniel was holding him fast asleep all swaddled up. My day started off horrible, but ended up perfect. And I give all the credit to his teachers and the day care.
Today was much better. Elijah slept well last night and slept late enough that I was able to shower and get ready before waking him up to eat just before we left. He did cry most of the way to day care again. I think he's just so tired in the morning. He is not a morning person, just like his mommy! But he'll get used to it. This morning I pulled over half way through my drive and put his pacifier back in. That calmed him down enough that he fell back asleep and stayed asleep until I left him. It was a lot easier just like everyone said, but still sad. I'm sure it will only get easier.
Sunday, October 21, 2012
End of maternity leave
My maternity leave is coming to an end and I am completely torn. I want to go back to work. Staying home all day is about the least stimulating thing I can think of. It's extremely repetitive- feed baby, change baby, put baby down for a nap. Over and over again. A few weeks after Elijah was born, I was so ready to go back to work. He was (and still is) sleeping most of the day, and I ran out of things to do. But now that it's so close, I'm not thrilled about leaving Elijah. Even though my day is very predictable, those little moments of happiness between the monotony make it all worth it. Yesterday, I finished feeding him and sat him up on my lap. He looked right into my eyes and gave me a huge smile. I starting crying hysterically. I am going to miss him so much! He's going to give that huge smile to some stranger at day care instead of me. The thought of someone else consoling him when he cries, someone else feeding him and changing him, someone else rocking him to sleep makes me crazy! I'm his mom! I should be the one to meet all of his needs. But Daniel (as usual) made me feel better. He asked me if I remember my teacher from day care when I was an infant. Of course I don't. But I know my Mom. I know that she loves me. Sometimes when he knows exactly what to say, it's kind of scary.
We went to day care last Friday to meet his teacher. The whole thing went really well. The classroom is beautiful, and all the teachers were so excited to get a brand new infant to play with (all the other kids in his room are close to 1 year). And then we got back into the car to drive home and I completely lost control. I cried the whole way home. I don't even want to think about the first day I have to leave him there. I just remind myself that I can go visit him as often as I want. It's on the edge of campus, so I can be there in 5 minutes. He starts day care on Oct 29. I'm actually going back to work on the 25th (my 24th birthday!) but my parents are in town, so my Mom is going to come watch him for Thursday and Friday.
Since I'm still on maternity leave, my life has been consumed by Elijah. He is still the easiest baby ever. If his diaper is dry and his belly his full, he's a happy boy. To put him to sleep I just swaddle him, pop in a pacifier, and lay him down. He's asleep within minutes all on his own. The only issue we've had is with breastfeeding. Since we introduced bottles, he has gotten lazy. The bottles we used (the ones that came with my breast pump) let the milk flow so quickly that he didn't even have to suck. So even with just one bottle a day, he came to prefer that, and wouldn't latch on and suck at the breast. A lactation consultant came to the house last week (thanks to my awesome insurance, this is covered with just a co-pay!) and gave me some ideas to help. We switched to a different brand of bottle and a different method of feeding him. It has helped a lot, but he still gets lazy once in a while. I've also been dealing with a ton of clogged ducts. It's pretty painful and very frustrating. I think this comes from an oversupply of milk combined with Elijah's lazy eating and sleeping such long periods at a time. I have an oversupply because of his weight problems in the first few days. The lactation consultants recommended that I pump after feeding Elijah every single time, so I went into overdrive making a ton of milk. Sometimes I wake up in the morning (particularly after Elijah has slept really well) and I'm so engorged it's painful. I've gotten up to 5 oz from the pump after feeding Elijah. That's enough for a whole extra bottle! The clogged ducts make it even harder for Elijah to get milk out, so he gets upset and cries sometimes when the milk doesn't come out fast enough. I'm determined to keep breastfeeding, so even when it gets really frustrating I stick with it. I know a lot of people who just pump and feed bottles exclusively, but I don't want to do that. It will be so much easier when we go home for Thanksgiving if I don't have to bring the pump and bottles and all of that. And, this may be a little selfish, but I like that I'm the only one that can feed him. I don't want anyone else to do that. This is my excuse to take my baby, go to a private place, and spend time together with just us. I don't want to give that up. I know that the struggles I'm going through are nothing compared to what a lot of women have to deal with. I am so happy that we've made it this far and he still hasn't had a drop of formula.
Elijah is almost 7 weeks old and he has started smiling every single day. It melts my heart every time! Daniel and I do the craziest things to get him to smile. If I feel like this now, I can't imagine how excited I'll be when he says "mama" for the first time, or reaches for me. I absolutely love being a mom. It's a million times better than I even imagined (and that's saying a lot!).
We went to day care last Friday to meet his teacher. The whole thing went really well. The classroom is beautiful, and all the teachers were so excited to get a brand new infant to play with (all the other kids in his room are close to 1 year). And then we got back into the car to drive home and I completely lost control. I cried the whole way home. I don't even want to think about the first day I have to leave him there. I just remind myself that I can go visit him as often as I want. It's on the edge of campus, so I can be there in 5 minutes. He starts day care on Oct 29. I'm actually going back to work on the 25th (my 24th birthday!) but my parents are in town, so my Mom is going to come watch him for Thursday and Friday.
Since I'm still on maternity leave, my life has been consumed by Elijah. He is still the easiest baby ever. If his diaper is dry and his belly his full, he's a happy boy. To put him to sleep I just swaddle him, pop in a pacifier, and lay him down. He's asleep within minutes all on his own. The only issue we've had is with breastfeeding. Since we introduced bottles, he has gotten lazy. The bottles we used (the ones that came with my breast pump) let the milk flow so quickly that he didn't even have to suck. So even with just one bottle a day, he came to prefer that, and wouldn't latch on and suck at the breast. A lactation consultant came to the house last week (thanks to my awesome insurance, this is covered with just a co-pay!) and gave me some ideas to help. We switched to a different brand of bottle and a different method of feeding him. It has helped a lot, but he still gets lazy once in a while. I've also been dealing with a ton of clogged ducts. It's pretty painful and very frustrating. I think this comes from an oversupply of milk combined with Elijah's lazy eating and sleeping such long periods at a time. I have an oversupply because of his weight problems in the first few days. The lactation consultants recommended that I pump after feeding Elijah every single time, so I went into overdrive making a ton of milk. Sometimes I wake up in the morning (particularly after Elijah has slept really well) and I'm so engorged it's painful. I've gotten up to 5 oz from the pump after feeding Elijah. That's enough for a whole extra bottle! The clogged ducts make it even harder for Elijah to get milk out, so he gets upset and cries sometimes when the milk doesn't come out fast enough. I'm determined to keep breastfeeding, so even when it gets really frustrating I stick with it. I know a lot of people who just pump and feed bottles exclusively, but I don't want to do that. It will be so much easier when we go home for Thanksgiving if I don't have to bring the pump and bottles and all of that. And, this may be a little selfish, but I like that I'm the only one that can feed him. I don't want anyone else to do that. This is my excuse to take my baby, go to a private place, and spend time together with just us. I don't want to give that up. I know that the struggles I'm going through are nothing compared to what a lot of women have to deal with. I am so happy that we've made it this far and he still hasn't had a drop of formula.
Elijah is almost 7 weeks old and he has started smiling every single day. It melts my heart every time! Daniel and I do the craziest things to get him to smile. If I feel like this now, I can't imagine how excited I'll be when he says "mama" for the first time, or reaches for me. I absolutely love being a mom. It's a million times better than I even imagined (and that's saying a lot!).
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Life with a Newborn
Today Elijah turned 3 weeks and 1 day old. I have one word to describe those 3 weeks: easy! Elijah is the easiest baby. Being a new Mom is the opposite of what everyone told me. He sleeps so much that I have plenty of time to spend to myself. As long as I time it right (i.e. right after he's eaten) I can still go out to dinner, go grocery shopping, do whatever I did before he was born. He eats pretty regularly, around 2 1/2 to 3 hours between feedings during the day, but he'll go up to 4 hours during the night. At night he eats and then goes right back to sleep. I haven't been any more tired in the last few weeks than I was during the pregnancy. Breastfeeding has been really easy too. I actually think that formula feeding would be harder- I don't even have to leave my bed at night to feed him. And I can't imagine how much money we would be spending on formula. Elijah doesn't even poop very much- every other day he saves it all up and poops 3 or 4 times within 5 minutes. He very rarely full on cries. Most of the time it's just a little fussing and 9 times out of 10 it's because he needs his diaper changed. The other 1 time it's because he's hungry. Once I take care of that, he stops fussing immediately. This baby is so easy! My only complaint is that he isn't able to breastfeed without a nipple shield. It's annoying that I always have to have one with me to feed him, but it's really a minor inconvenience in the grand scheme of things. He is staying awake for longer periods every day and I just love to see his eyes wide open. Sometimes he stares at me so intently it looks like he is memorizing my face. I think he is the most beautiful baby. My favorite thing is to watch Daniel interact with him. He is such a natural- he knows exactly what to say and do even though Elijah is still in that kind of boring stage where he doesn't smile or coo or anything. Daniel is back at work almost full time- he's working 30 hours a week now- so I'm really on my own most of the day. Feeding Elijah takes up the majority of my day, but in between feedings I have plenty of time to clean the house, go grocery shopping, or meet Daniel for lunch. I really appreciate having this time to focus on being a mom. Any time I feel even a little bit stressed, I remind myself that right now my most important job- my only job- is to take care of him. And everything else comes second. It will be a lot harder when I have to go back to work, but knowing that we are sending him to a fantastic day care makes me feel better. In the next week we are going to start introducing bottles. I have been pumping pretty much since my milk came in, so I have a ton of milk in the freezer. It will be nice to start using it up. I'm hoping Daniel can take some of the nighttime feedings so I can sleep a little longer, but I don't know if I can go more than 4 hours without emptying my milk.
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Elijah's Birth
Two days after our due date, on September 4, we had a routine prenatal appointment.
I went in a bit frustrated because I wasn't feeling any closer to
going into labor. Besides Braxton-Hicks contractions I had no signs
of labor. For the past 4 days I had been walking as much as possible,
though the heat and my enormous belly made it very uncomfortable. Our nurse practitioner
started by listening to the heartbeat and she had a hard time finding
it at first. She palpated my belly and said that she wanted to check
and make sure he was still head down with an ultrasound. Two weeks
earlier the ultrasound clearly showed him in head down position so we
didn't think it was even a possibility that he could have flipped.
But sure enough the ultrasound showed him in breech position. It made
sense because the night before I couldn't sleep at all because my ribs
hurt no matter what position I was in. Daniel and I both started
crying immediately because we knew that meant we had to have a
cesarean. Everything we planned for- laboring at home, a natural birth- went out the window. I asked the doctor if we could schedule the surgery for that day
because I was tired of waiting. She left the room to call the
hospital, and that gave us time to calm down and focus on the
positive. Daniel and I reassured each other that a Cesarean isn't all that bad and tried to get excited that we were having a baby tonight! She was able to schedule us for that evening at 7:30pm. I
spent the whole day excited and trying not to think too hard about the
details of the surgery and desperately thirsty because I wasn't allowed to eat or drink anything in preparation for surgery. We decided to go with Sky Ridge Hospital
since we couldn't try for a natural birth anyways. Sky Ridge is much nicer than St. Joe's.
We showed up there at 5:30pm with all our bags and got all prepped for surgery. The obstetrician/surgeon came in and introduced himself and spent a long time answering any of our
questions and concerns. Daniel did a great job making sure the doctor
knew that we were hoping for a natural birth and asked that they do
everything possible to stay with that plan in the operating room. He was very understanding of our original plan, and sympathetic that it had suddenly been drastically changed. The
doctor used the ultrasound to confirm the breech position and was very
surprised to see that there was very little amniotic fluid because the
baby was taking up so much space in my uterus. He had no idea how the
baby flipped. With his size and how far along I was in the pregnancy, it's very unusual. The baby was completely breech- he was actually sitting cross legged with his head up. The doctor did allow us the option to
go back home and see if the baby turns back on his own. We decided against that. The chances that he could flip again were so low and we were tired of waiting. Then he
checked the monitors and discovered that I was actually already in
labor having contractions about 5 minutes apart (I had noticed them, but
they weren't painful yet). So we proceeded with the surgery. The
anesthesiologist also came in and spent a good amount of time
explaining the procedure and answering all of our questions. This was the part I was most nervous about. I've never been under any kind of anesthesia or had any surgery. I was afraid the spinal would hurt. I was also upset that Daniel couldn't be with me in the operating room until all of the prep was done and I was already numb from the chest down. Daniel told me later that at this point- after I had left to prep for surgery and he was waiting to be allowed into the operating room- he started to freak out. He text messaged his best friend to try to stay calm. Daniel and I were very impressed with all of the doctors and nurses. After
talking to everyone we felt good about the decision. The surgery went
very smoothly despite Elijah's size. The surgeon's assistant
explained to me later that I was very lucky to have such a great
surgeon because any other doctor would have needed to make a much
larger incision to get our baby out. I could hear all the doctors and
nurses surprise at how big he was when they pulled him out. All along our ob/gyn thought he was on the big side, as did the surgeon, but nobody knew that he would be almost 9 1/2 pounds! As they pulled him out I heard his first cry and then I started crying immediately. It was such an overwhelming feeling that there was actually a real live baby here that wasn't here a minute ago. As they took him over to the warming bed, the first
thing I noticed was all his hair, and then that he didn't really look
like a tiny newborn. He looked like he was 2 months old already! Though the doctor had promised they would put the baby on me immediately, the pediatrician did not know that so Daniel spent the
first 10 minutes after Elijah's birth arguing with the pediatrician to
let me hold him skin-to-skin. After less than 5 minutes on my chest they
took him away and Daniel went with him to the nursery. I didn't see
him again until almost an hour later in the recovery room. I think
there was a miscommunication because the surgeon did agree to let us
have that skin-to-skin contact, but the pediatrician didn't want to.
Daniel convinced them to wait to bathe him (though they did towel
him off and everything) and do all the other procedures so they could get to me as soon as possible and start breast feeding and skin to skin. He didn't end up getting a bath until almost 24 hours later.
In the post-op room Daniel and Elijah came and I got to hold him and feed him for the first time. I don't remember much about that except that I was so happy we were all three finally back together and that the surgery was all over. Daniel and Elijah left to go back to the nursery and my nurse finished up and wheeled me to my final recovery room. On the way there I saw three of our friends standing at the window watching Daniel and Elijah in the nursery. They saw me and followed the nurse to my recovery room. A few minutes later Daniel and Elijah came in. We stayed up way too late hanging out and celebrating. I fed Elijah a few more times and fell asleep.
Overall I thought the experience was much better than I expected. It
was not painful at all until 2 days later and all the doctors and nurses (except the
pediatrician) treated us with respect and compassion. Elijah is perfectly healthy.
His glucose levels were monitored carefully for the first 12 hours
after birth because of his size (9 lbs 6.5 oz) and it was within
normal range every time. Breastfeeding has also gone remarkably
smoothly until the last few days. He latched on right away in the recovery room and nursed
well for the first 2 days. On the third day he was circumcised and we went home.
That seemed to make him so sleepy that he wasn't interested in nursing
for almost 24 hours. I couldn't get him to latch on, he just cried hysterically every time I tried. Thankfully we had a previously planned visit from the nurse/lactation consultant the next morning. They discovered that he has lost almost 15% of his birth weight and was down to only 8 lb. One more ounce and he would have been hospitalized. She gave us a new plan for feeding and after one day he gained a whole ounce. I am feeding him every 2 hours around the clock and then pumping after each feeding and giving that to him by syringe. It takes about an hour to feed him and pump, so I spend one hour feeding him and the next hour off around the clock. It's exhausting, but completely worth it to get Elijah back up to a healthy weight. It is pretty scary that he went a whole day without eating and I feel like a horrible mom when I think about it. He must have been so confused and hungry that whole day wondering why I wouldn't feed him. :-( But now we're back on track and he's doing really well.
My recovery has also gone very well. The nurses
were very surprised how quickly I was out of bed and walking around.
We were discharged after less than 48 hours in the hospital. I feel
fantastic now- as long as I keep up with my pain medication. I've already lost 14 pounds and I don't think I even look pregnant anymore. I've gone for a few long walks through the neighborhood and I can get around the house and roll over in bed without much pain or discomfort. I feel a million times better now than I did in my last month of pregnancy. I haven't had even a touch of the baby blues. I'm just so happy that I have this tiny baby in my arms and not in my belly. Watching Daniel with him has been incredible. He is such a natural Dad. From the second Elijah was born, Daniel has been attentive and loving towards both of us. He's so concerned with my health as well as the baby and spends every second of the day making sure both of our needs are met before his own. My sister left yesterday and my Mom leaves tomorrow, so that'll be the first time it's just the three of us. I'm a little nervous, but also excited. I love our little family. There are no two people I would rather be with than my boys :-)
I went in a bit frustrated because I wasn't feeling any closer to
going into labor. Besides Braxton-Hicks contractions I had no signs
of labor. For the past 4 days I had been walking as much as possible,
though the heat and my enormous belly made it very uncomfortable. Our nurse practitioner
started by listening to the heartbeat and she had a hard time finding
it at first. She palpated my belly and said that she wanted to check
and make sure he was still head down with an ultrasound. Two weeks
earlier the ultrasound clearly showed him in head down position so we
didn't think it was even a possibility that he could have flipped.
But sure enough the ultrasound showed him in breech position. It made
sense because the night before I couldn't sleep at all because my ribs
hurt no matter what position I was in. Daniel and I both started
crying immediately because we knew that meant we had to have a
cesarean. Everything we planned for- laboring at home, a natural birth- went out the window. I asked the doctor if we could schedule the surgery for that day
because I was tired of waiting. She left the room to call the
hospital, and that gave us time to calm down and focus on the
positive. Daniel and I reassured each other that a Cesarean isn't all that bad and tried to get excited that we were having a baby tonight! She was able to schedule us for that evening at 7:30pm. I
spent the whole day excited and trying not to think too hard about the
details of the surgery and desperately thirsty because I wasn't allowed to eat or drink anything in preparation for surgery. We decided to go with Sky Ridge Hospital
since we couldn't try for a natural birth anyways. Sky Ridge is much nicer than St. Joe's.
We showed up there at 5:30pm with all our bags and got all prepped for surgery. The obstetrician/surgeon came in and introduced himself and spent a long time answering any of our
questions and concerns. Daniel did a great job making sure the doctor
knew that we were hoping for a natural birth and asked that they do
everything possible to stay with that plan in the operating room. He was very understanding of our original plan, and sympathetic that it had suddenly been drastically changed. The
doctor used the ultrasound to confirm the breech position and was very
surprised to see that there was very little amniotic fluid because the
baby was taking up so much space in my uterus. He had no idea how the
baby flipped. With his size and how far along I was in the pregnancy, it's very unusual. The baby was completely breech- he was actually sitting cross legged with his head up. The doctor did allow us the option to
go back home and see if the baby turns back on his own. We decided against that. The chances that he could flip again were so low and we were tired of waiting. Then he
checked the monitors and discovered that I was actually already in
labor having contractions about 5 minutes apart (I had noticed them, but
they weren't painful yet). So we proceeded with the surgery. The
anesthesiologist also came in and spent a good amount of time
explaining the procedure and answering all of our questions. This was the part I was most nervous about. I've never been under any kind of anesthesia or had any surgery. I was afraid the spinal would hurt. I was also upset that Daniel couldn't be with me in the operating room until all of the prep was done and I was already numb from the chest down. Daniel told me later that at this point- after I had left to prep for surgery and he was waiting to be allowed into the operating room- he started to freak out. He text messaged his best friend to try to stay calm. Daniel and I were very impressed with all of the doctors and nurses. After
talking to everyone we felt good about the decision. The surgery went
very smoothly despite Elijah's size. The surgeon's assistant
explained to me later that I was very lucky to have such a great
surgeon because any other doctor would have needed to make a much
larger incision to get our baby out. I could hear all the doctors and
nurses surprise at how big he was when they pulled him out. All along our ob/gyn thought he was on the big side, as did the surgeon, but nobody knew that he would be almost 9 1/2 pounds! As they pulled him out I heard his first cry and then I started crying immediately. It was such an overwhelming feeling that there was actually a real live baby here that wasn't here a minute ago. As they took him over to the warming bed, the first
thing I noticed was all his hair, and then that he didn't really look
like a tiny newborn. He looked like he was 2 months old already! Though the doctor had promised they would put the baby on me immediately, the pediatrician did not know that so Daniel spent the
first 10 minutes after Elijah's birth arguing with the pediatrician to
let me hold him skin-to-skin. After less than 5 minutes on my chest they
took him away and Daniel went with him to the nursery. I didn't see
him again until almost an hour later in the recovery room. I think
there was a miscommunication because the surgeon did agree to let us
have that skin-to-skin contact, but the pediatrician didn't want to.
Daniel convinced them to wait to bathe him (though they did towel
him off and everything) and do all the other procedures so they could get to me as soon as possible and start breast feeding and skin to skin. He didn't end up getting a bath until almost 24 hours later.
In the post-op room Daniel and Elijah came and I got to hold him and feed him for the first time. I don't remember much about that except that I was so happy we were all three finally back together and that the surgery was all over. Daniel and Elijah left to go back to the nursery and my nurse finished up and wheeled me to my final recovery room. On the way there I saw three of our friends standing at the window watching Daniel and Elijah in the nursery. They saw me and followed the nurse to my recovery room. A few minutes later Daniel and Elijah came in. We stayed up way too late hanging out and celebrating. I fed Elijah a few more times and fell asleep.
Overall I thought the experience was much better than I expected. It
was not painful at all until 2 days later and all the doctors and nurses (except the
pediatrician) treated us with respect and compassion. Elijah is perfectly healthy.
His glucose levels were monitored carefully for the first 12 hours
after birth because of his size (9 lbs 6.5 oz) and it was within
normal range every time. Breastfeeding has also gone remarkably
smoothly until the last few days. He latched on right away in the recovery room and nursed
well for the first 2 days. On the third day he was circumcised and we went home.
That seemed to make him so sleepy that he wasn't interested in nursing
for almost 24 hours. I couldn't get him to latch on, he just cried hysterically every time I tried. Thankfully we had a previously planned visit from the nurse/lactation consultant the next morning. They discovered that he has lost almost 15% of his birth weight and was down to only 8 lb. One more ounce and he would have been hospitalized. She gave us a new plan for feeding and after one day he gained a whole ounce. I am feeding him every 2 hours around the clock and then pumping after each feeding and giving that to him by syringe. It takes about an hour to feed him and pump, so I spend one hour feeding him and the next hour off around the clock. It's exhausting, but completely worth it to get Elijah back up to a healthy weight. It is pretty scary that he went a whole day without eating and I feel like a horrible mom when I think about it. He must have been so confused and hungry that whole day wondering why I wouldn't feed him. :-( But now we're back on track and he's doing really well.
My recovery has also gone very well. The nurses
were very surprised how quickly I was out of bed and walking around.
We were discharged after less than 48 hours in the hospital. I feel
fantastic now- as long as I keep up with my pain medication. I've already lost 14 pounds and I don't think I even look pregnant anymore. I've gone for a few long walks through the neighborhood and I can get around the house and roll over in bed without much pain or discomfort. I feel a million times better now than I did in my last month of pregnancy. I haven't had even a touch of the baby blues. I'm just so happy that I have this tiny baby in my arms and not in my belly. Watching Daniel with him has been incredible. He is such a natural Dad. From the second Elijah was born, Daniel has been attentive and loving towards both of us. He's so concerned with my health as well as the baby and spends every second of the day making sure both of our needs are met before his own. My sister left yesterday and my Mom leaves tomorrow, so that'll be the first time it's just the three of us. I'm a little nervous, but also excited. I love our little family. There are no two people I would rather be with than my boys :-)
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
39 weeks
I am 5 days away from my due date. Every night I go to bed wondering if this could be the night that I go into labor. And every morning I wake up disappointed. I don't feel nearly as bad as I thought I would at this point. I definitely have my moments. Sunday I was feeling particularly impatient, probably because Daniel and I were both at home and had finished everything on our "to-do before the baby comes" list. But besides that I think I've been pretty patient. Work keeps me busy and keeps my mind off of impending labor (for the most part). But at the end of this week I am going on maternity leave whether the baby comes by then or not. So I know next week will be much harder. My mom arrives Friday morning, and my sister on Saturday. I will be so glad to have them here. However I'm really afraid they're going to sit around for a week with no baby. And then as soon as they leave I will give birth and I'll be left on my own. I'm really afraid that's a possibility because at this point I don't feel anything. I don't know if I'm supposed to, since I've never given birth before, but I sort of feel like I should feel different at least a few days before I go into labor. Or at least I should have long stretches of Braxton-Hicks contractions, or any of the million signs that labor is coming soon that I've read on one of the 50 or so baby/pregnancy blogs I regularly visit these days. But I haven't had anything other than the occasional (sometimes pretty strong) contraction. My energy is up for most of the day, but then goes down in the evening. I have been extremely emotional the last few days. A particular low was at my 39 week doctor's appointment when I almost started crying because the nurse casually mentioned that the baby looked high today. Then after the appointment I did cry because on my way out another nurse said he looks "comfortable in there." And everything looked completely normal. Which is great! But I guess I was hoping for something to tell me that labor was right around the corner. Instead I got the same old strong heartbeat, good growth, any questions? So we left the doctor and got in the car and I struggled to hold it together. Thank goodness Daniel is so understanding. He knew exactly why I was upset and didn't try to tell me I was being ridiculous or irrational. But honestly, don't the nurses know better than to say things like that to a very hormonal 39-weeks-pregnant patient? And it doesn't help that every day I show up at work everyone acts surprised to see me and asks how I'm feeling, any signs of labor, etc. etc. I haven't even passed my due date yet people! I'm so glad that the family hasn't started to call to ask if I'm in labor yet. I did make it crystal clear that WE would call THEM when the time comes. So maybe that's why. For the most part, I feel the same as I did 4 weeks ago. Except the fact that I could go into labor any time is always running in the back of my mind. And each day it gets a little closer to the front of my mind. I'm just so excited to meet Elijah and hold him in my arms!
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
37 weeks
I'm only 2 and a half weeks away from my due date! The last couple months have been so busy, probably because it's summer and because I spend every free minute I can resting. At this point I have all kinds of aches and pains for most of the day. My pelvis actually hurts a lot of the time now. About a week or 2 ago I thought I felt him "drop," and then a couple days ago when I woke up I felt something kind of pop under my diaphragm and then I was sure he dropped. I've felt a new kind of pressure in my pelvis and I can even feel Elijah kicking my hip bones sometimes. I've gotten a lot better at figuring out what body parts are where. During week 33 during an afternoon nap I very distinctly felt him flip over and he's been head down ever since. That was such a relief because with his head tucked under my ribcage I was so uncomfortable all the time. Most of the time I'm so ready for him to be born, and then once in a while I kind of panic at the thought of having a baby pretty much anytime now. The last few weeks have felt remarkably similar to the first trimester. Many mornings I wake up and I have to talk myself out of bed and just take it one day at a time. I also haven't had much of an appetite lately, and I'm sleeping and peeing even more than before. And my emotions are all crazy again. In the middle of the pregnancy I seemed to mellow out with the mood swings, but now they're back and worse than before. But everything is easier when you know it will all be over in a few weeks and you can hold your baby. The best part of the whole pregnancy has been our childbirth class. I feel a million times more prepared now than I did before. Each class I leave feeling more confident than before. Breastfeeding was definitely my biggest concern for the past few months, and once we covered that last week I felt even better. A couple weeks ago we got to hear the birth story of another couple who took the class before us. Their little boy was just 4 weeks old and Daniel could not take his eyes off him for the entire class. It gave me just a tiny glimpse of how crazy in love he is going to be when Elijah is born. So for now, my strategy is to plan on him being a couple weeks late. If I tell myself I have another 4 weeks to go, I won't go crazy looking for signs of labor. But that gets harder as each day passes. And it doesn't help that everyone says "any day now!" It seems like everyone else is convinced he'll come very soon. So far I've been pretty patient, and I'm very grateful for that. I have friends who were going insane by this point and many of them were electively induced on or before their due date. I'm determined not to get induced. I know this baby will come when he's ready, and if we induce we may end up with health problems that could have been avoided by waiting. The last thing I want is to go home with my baby in the NICU. That would be absolutely heartbreaking. We had an appointment this morning and learned that 1) I'm not dilated at all (no surprise there), 2) He's probably going to be on the big side (again, no surprise), 3) He's dropped way down in my pelvis, and 4) we still have no idea if I'll go into labor tonight or 4 weeks from now. Oh, and he is still healthy and perfect as far as we can tell. What a relief. Very often throughout the pregnancy I have thanked God that everything has gone so smoothly. I read blogs of other women who have so many complications, and it sounds so scary. Not once have we had one little tiny concern. We didn't even have to wait to get pregnant in the first place. So now it's just a waiting game. I'm planning to keep working until I give birth. It's exhausting and sometimes painful by the end of the day, but I'm thankful to have something to keep me busy. I think I might go crazy if I had to sit at home and just wait to go into labor. But it would be great if he came just a little early, so I don't have to work for another 2 1/2 weeks :-)
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