39 weeks

I am 5 days away from my due date.  Every night I go to bed wondering if this could be the night that I go into labor.  And every morning I wake up disappointed.  I don't feel nearly as bad as I thought I would at this point.  I definitely have my moments.  Sunday I was feeling particularly impatient, probably because Daniel and I were both at home and had finished everything on our "to-do before the baby comes" list. But besides that I think I've been pretty patient.  Work keeps me busy and keeps my mind off of impending labor (for the most part).  But at the end of this week I am going on maternity leave whether the baby comes by then or not.  So I know next week will be much harder.  My mom arrives Friday morning, and my sister on Saturday.  I will be so glad to have them here.  However I'm really afraid they're going to sit around for a week with no baby.  And then as soon as they leave I will give birth and I'll be left on my own.  I'm really afraid that's a possibility because at this point I don't feel anything.  I don't know if I'm supposed to, since I've never given birth before, but I sort of feel like I should feel different at least a few days before I go into labor.  Or at least I should have long stretches of Braxton-Hicks contractions, or any of the million signs that labor is coming soon that I've read on one of the 50 or so baby/pregnancy blogs I regularly visit these days.  But I haven't had anything other than the occasional (sometimes pretty strong) contraction.  My energy is up for most of the day, but then goes down in the evening.  I have been extremely emotional the last few days.  A particular low was at my 39 week doctor's appointment when I almost started crying because the nurse casually mentioned that the baby looked high today.  Then after the appointment I did cry because on my way out another nurse said he looks "comfortable in there."  And everything looked completely normal.  Which is great!  But I guess I was hoping for something to tell me that labor was right around the corner.  Instead I got the same old strong heartbeat, good growth, any questions?  So we left the doctor and got in the car and I struggled to hold it together.  Thank goodness Daniel is so understanding.  He knew exactly why I was upset and didn't try to tell me I was being ridiculous or irrational.  But honestly, don't the nurses know better than to say things like that to a very hormonal 39-weeks-pregnant patient?  And it doesn't help that every day I show up at work everyone acts surprised to see me and asks how I'm feeling, any signs of labor, etc. etc.  I haven't even passed my due date yet people!  I'm so glad that the family hasn't started to call to ask if I'm in labor yet.  I did make it crystal clear that WE would call THEM when the time comes.  So maybe that's why.  For the most part, I feel the same as I did 4 weeks ago.  Except the fact that I could go into labor any time is always running in the back of my mind.  And each day it gets a little closer to the front of my mind.  I'm just so excited to meet Elijah and hold him in my arms!