On Tuesday Elijah hit what I consider to be a major milestone. Elijah slept all the way through the night, in his crib, unswaddled, for 12 straight hours. It was amazing! He actually fell asleep in his crib without any rocking or shushing from us around his usual bedtime of 6:30pm. And then he woke up happy around 6:30am. I actually heard him let out a cry or two around 4am, but he obviously went back to sleep because I didn't hear anything else. This makes me so happy after all the anxiety I had about getting him to sleep unswaddled. Since we stopped the swaddle, he has mostly slept in his swing. For the past week or two, we have been putting him to sleep in his swing, then moving him to his crib before we went to bed, and then moving him back to the swing when he wakes up for the first (or only) time. I know that eventually he will outgrow the swing and if we haven't transitioned him into the crib, it will be really rough. Last night didn't go as well. He fell asleep in his swing, then Daniel moved him to the crib, and when he woke up at 12:30am he was moved back to the swing where he slept happily until morning. Now I know that it will just be a matter of time. Every transition we've gone through- from our bedroom to his bedroom, from the swing to the crib while still swaddled, from the swaddle to unswaddled, and now from the swing to the crib- has just been a gradual process. So I'm going to trust that this will happen similarly. In the last week or so, we've been able to get Elijah to fall asleep on his own in the swing. Before it would take up to 15 or 20 minutes of rocking, bouncing, or shushing to get him to fall asleep and then we'd have to gently lay him down while praying that he didn't wake up. It worked for us then, and I really loved rocking him, but we can't do it forever. And I have to admit that it's nice to have that extra 15-20 minutes to cook dinner, pick up the house, and have some adult time instead of rocking Elijah to sleep. One of the best decisions we've made as parents is to put Elijah to bed really early (6:30 or even earlier some nights) and then cook dinner and eat together after he goes to bed. It gives us a good 3 hours of adult time in the evenings to get things done and I still get to bed fairly early. Elijah consistently sleeps 12-13 hours at night so 6:30 isn't too early anyways. Unfortunately, his naps are still very unpredictable. He had a week or two in the beginning of February where he took 30-40 minute naps. Every day I picked him up after work, he looked haggard. It was obvious he was exhausted. Since Sunday he has been taking 2 naps instead of 3, and that seems to be working well for him. His first nap is really long- close to 2 hours. Then his second nap is usually around 3 and lasts 45 minutes. That is enough to get him to bedtime, but just barely. He is usually very ready for sleep by 6 or 6:15. I've been surprised that so far, Elijah's sleep hasn't been much of an issue for us at all. I know most parents struggle with it and end up going through some kind of "sleep training." We dabbled in it very briefly, but neither of us could stand to listen to him cry. And it has never been bad enough for long enough for us to really need to do anything about it. Daniel's philosophy has always been that he will grow out of it, and so far he's been right. Every issue we've had, Elijah has grown out of in a couple of weeks. And Daniel really doesn't mind getting up once or twice (most of the time just once) so for now we're happy.
I also briefly wanted to update our breastfeeding situation. I'm not sure if I ever updated where we are now. Since about Christmas, I've been exclusively pumping. It is definitely not ideal, but it's working for us. I'm trying to see the positives. For example, Daniel can get up at night and let me sleep. And I don't have to hide every time Elijah needs to eat. And I can see how much he is eating each day. And it only takes me 20 minutes every 3-4 hours. But to be honest, I really miss nursing Elijah. I loved it so much. Most women I think really don't enjoy breastfeeding, but I did. So it's sad that it's over so soon. We only got 3 good months, and one month of struggling. I am going to try really hard with the next baby to make nursing work. Elijah just prefers the bottle. And I have to respect that. But I can still do everything in my power to give him the nutritional benefits of breast milk. So I am pumping every 3 hours during the day and up until a week ago, once in the middle of the night (even if Elijah slept through the night). It really sucks sometimes. Washing the pump parts, washing the bottles, obsessing about how much milk I'm getting, not being able to interact with Elijah while I'm hooked up to the pump.... it all sucks. But it's important enough that I will stick with it as long as I can. I am incredibly proud of myself for sticking with it this long. I was down to one frozen bag of milk in the freezer at my lowest point, and now I am consistently producing more than enough milk each day. I have built up my freezer supply to about 15 now, and it's growing each week. Elijah has started solid foods and eating so well that his milk intake has decreased slightly so that's helping even more. My hope is to keep building up my freezer stash so that I can stop pumping before his first birthday. Or maybe even donate some milk to a bank. Right now on weekdays I pump first thing when I wake up at 6am, then at work at 9am, 12pm, and 3pm, when I get home at 6pm, and then right before bed (usually 9 or 9:30pm). I was pumping once at 1 or 2am until last week when I felt that my supply was good enough I could let myself get a full night of sleep again. Each time it takes me 15 minutes minimum, usually closer to 30 minutes. So that's almost 3 hours a day I spend hooked up to the breast pump. I still stress about the amount I'm getting, but not nearly as much before. I am okay if I go a day with a little less milk (I expect to get about 4 oz every 3 hours, or about 30 oz in a day and Elijah eats 25-30 oz a day, less now that he's eating solid food), but 2 days or more and I get worried again. Daniel left out a whole bottle of milk that he picked up from school last Friday and I had to dump it down the drain. That was very painful. Two months ago and I would have flipped out. But I was able to brush it off and move on. Breastfeeding has been the single hardest thing I've done in my life, and probably my greatest accomplishment. I have never worked so hard at something and succeeded. Next Monday I will have reached my goal of 6 months and I will most definitely treat myself. Daniel's recommendation: a big chocolate milkshake. I think that sounds like a great idea!
Speaking of Daniel, our relationship has been really great lately. We had definitely fallen into the trap of focusing on the new baby so much we have neglected each other. Even after putting him to bed, we were so focused on household chores and our own leisure activities we hardly spent any time really with each other. It was both of our faults really. To be honest, now that I'm a mother I value my "me" time very dearly and am reluctant to give it up, even to spend time with Daniel. I didn't realize before I had a baby how little free time I would have. But I've realized how important it is to nurture our relationship as well as having some time alone. In the last week (after a very important conversation on Valentine's Day) we have made an effort to spend more time together and it has made a huge difference. I feel so much more connected to Daniel and it reminds me that I'm a person and not just a mother.
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