Adjustment

Last night Elijah slept in his crib for the first time, and he did great!  About 3 weeks ago we discovered that if we put him to bed in his swing, he would sleep almost all night.  He fell into a routine almost immediately of waking up just once between 3:30 and 4:30am and then right back to sleep, usually until I had to wake him up to eat and go to day care.  Two nights ago we accidentally stopped the swing after his early morning feeding and he still slept just fine.  So last night I thought we should try the crib.  And guess what- he followed the same schedule.  I knew that he could sleep in a crib because he does at day care.  Now we know he can all night long as well.  This feels like such a huge milestone to me.  When we brought him home from the hospital I couldn't imagine him sleeping all the way upstairs in that giant crib by himself.  And here we are, 10 weeks later.  And it was so easy!  I know people read a million books and spend weeks of misery trying to get their baby to sleep through the night and in his own crib.  Elijah is just the easiest baby in every way that counts.  I know we are incredibly spoiled, and I definitely appreciate it.  There are just a few tiny issues that I would love to solve.  One is his spitting up.  We have to have a bib on him all the time because otherwise his shirt is soaked through in minutes.  Eventually I know he'll grow out of it, but for now it's just really annoying.  The other thing is riding in the car seat.  And he's not even that bad.  I've heard stories of other babies that scream all the time, every time they are in the car seat.  Elijah just gets tired of it.  My commute is about 30 minutes each way to work and back.  If he's fussy to begin with, then forget it.  He will cry the whole way there.  Over the last few weeks I have seen vast improvements.  This is partly due to our new morning schedule, but also I think he is getting older and just more used to it.  He almost never falls asleep in the car anymore, so often he jabbers to himself in the mirror.  Most days after about 20 minutes he starts to get tired of being strapped in and starts to whine a bit.  But it's been a long time since he has really screamed.  I think it might be time to hook a little toy or something to keep him occupied during the ride.

The end of last week was pretty rough.  It was a very long week and by Friday I felt like I hadn't seen Elijah all week.  This week I made a few changes to my routine that have helped me feel more connected to Elijah during the week.  On Friday I went to feed him during the day and it made such a big difference.  Now I have resolved to go more often and see him during work hours.  It's not that difficult and it makes such a difference in my happiness.  I've also decided to give myself permission to put off chores and housework.  When we come home in the evenings I was spending an hour each day just washing bottles, putting milk away, cooking and cleaning up dinner, emptying the dishwasher.... and Elijah was just sitting there.  That was precious time that I could be spending with him.  Now when I come home I only do what's absolutely necessary and spend as much time playing with Elijah as possible.  When I cook dinner or do chores, I put Elijah in the baby bjorn so that even while I'm getting chores done, I still feel close to him.  And finally, I get up a little bit earlier in the mornings so that I have 20 minutes that I get to dress Elijah, change his diaper, and play with him before we leave.  All of these things have made a difference in my feelings about being a working mom.  It's hard. I miss Elijah every minute of every day.  I am thinking about him constantly.  But I can make it work.  It's better for both of us.  Our family is earning a better income that will provide us all with opportunities.  I feel fulfilled doing work that I am interested in and that I feel is important.  Elijah spends all day in an incredibly enriching environment with people who love children and other kids that will teach him to share and wait his turn.  By being apart all day, I have learned to make the most of the time that we are together.  Instead of being tired and burned out after being with Elijah all day, I am excited to see him every evening and all weekend.  I truly believe that all of these are reasons that it is a good thing for me to be at work, and Elijah to be at day care.  It may not make me happy all the time, but being an adult is about making hard choices and doing what's right for the whole family- not just what makes me feel good in the moment.