I survived going back to work! It was incredibly difficult, but of course I got through it. My first day was really hard, but it was made much easier by my mom. She came over early so I didn't have to worry about him while I was getting ready. Of course it was helpful having her there, but all I wanted to do was hold my baby boy. I didn't want to cry, so I held it together until I got into the car. It was great that I was able to call my mom as many times as I wanted to see how Elijah was doing. But really once I got to work I felt much better. It was great to see everyone again and I was reminded why I like my job. Everyone was so nice and asked me about Elijah. They all seemed very understanding of how hard it is to go back to work.
That first day was also my chance to see how pumping and bottles is going to work. He ate 16 ounces of milk, which totally freaked me out because I only produced half that much while I was at work. I was immediately calculating how long my frozen stash would last before I would have to supplement with formula. But the next day he didn't eat as much, and I have been nearly able to supply enough fresh milk for him each day since then. That night (Thursday night) Elijah slept through the night for the first time. He slept from 11pm until 6am. Unfortunately, he was in his swing all night long. I really hate to become dependent on anything to get him to sleep, but I enjoyed the night anyways. His sleeping habits have deteriorated in the last few weeks and there were many nights that I was up very late trying to get him to go to bed, and then again for hours trying to get him back to sleep after a feeding. But that one night was a total fluke- since then his sleeping has been even worse. Two nights ago he went to sleep at 8:30pm and I was so thrilled. But he woke up at 1am and didn't go back to sleep until 4:30! It took hours of rocking and nursing him over and over again before he finally fell asleep in my bed. After 30 minutes I felt brave enough to attempt to move him to his own bed and he stayed asleep thank goodness. Last night he slept really well again (9:30 to 4am and 5am to 7am) but it was in his swing again. And the 9:30 bedtime was only after an hour of crying, rocking, nursing, swaddling, etc. I can't help but wonder what happened to make bedtime so much more difficult all of a sudden. I think it must have something to do with me going back to work. All of a sudden he was left with a stranger (his grandma, but still a stranger to him) for a few days, and then we had a very busy weekend so I'm thinking that was a little stressful for him. All I can do is hope that a few weeks of day care and regular bedtime and waking up gets him back on track.
Our first day of day care was an absolute nightmare. He slept terribly so we were both exhausted. He woke up to eat at 6:15am and never went back to sleep. So I had to try to get ready while taking care of him. He did pretty well until I was in the middle of blow drying my hair and he had a total meltdown. I probably waited too long to tend to him because by the time I picked him up he was inconsolable. I spent 15 minutes holding him and calming him down. This made me 15 minutes late, so I was running around like crazy trying to remember everything I needed to bring to day care and for myself for work. He finally fell asleep 10 minutes before we had to leave, but he woke up when I put him in the car seat. Then he screamed harder than I've ever heard him scream before the whole way to day care. He finally stopped as I pulled in to the parking lot. I was already upset about leaving him and listening to him cry for 30 minutes certainly didn't help. I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown. I was already crying as I carried him inside. There was a sign on the door that said "Welcome Elijah R. and family." It was so thoughtful and made me cry even more. His teachers were so amazing though. They turned a horrible day into a manageable one. Immediately his teacher Erica consoled me and told me how she cried on her daughter's first day of high school (I don't even want to think about that!). She told me it will get easier and that I can call as much as I want to check on him. About an hour after I got to work his other teacher Justine called me just to tell me what he has been doing so far. It was so nice to hear from them. Even though they told me I could call, I was still hesitant. It was nice that they took the initiative. Justine also called me later to ask if I wanted to come and nurse him, or if they should go ahead and feed him. I told her to feed him, but then at 1pm I was able to go and visit. I drove over there and spent 30 minutes with Elijah. He was so happy laying on the floor looking at himself in a mirror. After he spit up a massive amount of milk all over me, I got to swaddle him up and rock him to sleep before I had to return to work. I also got to spend time getting to know his teachers and the other kids in his class. It made me so happy to see him relaxed and calm. I was there and back in less than an hour! Daniel was able to come and pick him up so I met them there when I got off work. When I walked in, Daniel was holding him fast asleep all swaddled up. My day started off horrible, but ended up perfect. And I give all the credit to his teachers and the day care.
Today was much better. Elijah slept well last night and slept late enough that I was able to shower and get ready before waking him up to eat just before we left. He did cry most of the way to day care again. I think he's just so tired in the morning. He is not a morning person, just like his mommy! But he'll get used to it. This morning I pulled over half way through my drive and put his pacifier back in. That calmed him down enough that he fell back asleep and stayed asleep until I left him. It was a lot easier just like everyone said, but still sad. I'm sure it will only get easier.
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