The "real world"

I had a taste of the "real world" tonight and I don't like it at all. Daniel and I are trying to decide if we can afford for him to quit his job. The truth is, he may have to quit whether we can afford it or not. Which is really scary. To keep his $15,000 a year scholarship, he is required to play in an ensemble in the music school every quarter. Last quarter he got in big trouble because he didn't. So this quarter, he absolutely has to. The problem is that his manager won't work around school. All the ensembles meet when Daniel is scheduled to work. One of them meets Saturday mornings, but even if Daniel asks for that time off they won't guarantee it.

He already made all of his classes after 6pm so that he can work during the days. He's only supposed to work part time, but they keep scheduling him for 23-25 hours. He's talked to his boss before about not scheduling him during classes and only 20 hours a week, but they refuse to be flexible. They don't recognize that school is important. Daniel ends up leaving class a few minutes early to be on time for work, and then he has to stay 30 minutes late which makes him late to class after work. It's ridiculous! Besides all the scheduling conflicts, it's very stressful for Daniel to keep up with his homework and reading while working over 20 hours a week. I feel so guilty when Daniel gets stressed out, or complains about his job. So I do everything I can to help. This weekend I did all the chores, laundry, grocery shopping, and I've been cooking dinner regularly so that he can eat and run.

The good news is that we definitely have enough money saved up to pay our bills for the next few months. But once I graduate, I need a full time job. If I don't get one right away that pays a decent salary, we'll be in big trouble. I'm already kind of freaking out about that. With Daniel not working I will feel even more pressure. I feel so guilty too. Daniel shouldn't have to work so many hours. If he's in school, I should be able to support us for 8 months until he graduates. It's not fair to rely on him so much. If I knew that I had a job on June 4 then I would feel so much better. But I don't know that I will. Jobs aren't the easiest to come by right now, even with a college degree.

I feel like this is so unfair. I thought that putting in 4 years of college meant I was guaranteed a good job. Now I'm ready to leave school with a piece of paper that says I paid a lot of money to a University and lived off my grandparents for 4 years. And nobody will hire me just because I have that piece of paper. What's the point? I could have saved my grandparents lots of money if this degree isn't going to help me get a job. I'm just wallowing in self-pity now.

So I called my Mom, hoping she would have some magical answer. Unfortunately, her Mom magic ran out when I turned 18. But she gave me lots of things to think about. So I spent this evening looking for more jobs. I applied for 2 more research assistant jobs at CU that seem promising. I know that I'm super qualified and I would be great for any of those jobs- if they don't mind that I'll be leaving in a year. That's always the problem.

I think everyone must go through this. Your first time actually living on your own. With all the wedding planning and graduating stuff I haven't had a chance to stop and realize that whether I'm ready or not, I'm on my own in 8 weeks. Sure, my family is there to support me. I'm not going to be homeless or go hungry. I'm lucky enough to know my family won't let that happen. But it's hard to remember that when you have no job, and you're about to jump into the real world.