Last term of my Undergrad

So far this quarter has been a breeze! I definitely deserve it after last quarter. I'm in class only 2 hours a day 4 days a week, and 3-5 hours on the fifth day (depending on how long lab goes). Only taking three classes is such a change. I took 5 last quarter, though 2 of them were 1 credit. I don't think it matters though, because when you have 5 different schedules, professors, homework assignments, and exams to keep track of it gets a little crazy regardless of how many credits they are. Two of my three classes are professors and classes I've had before- they're just continuations of the sequence. The third is psychology, cognition and learning. I haven't really made a decision yet about that class. The first day was pretty boring, but that's probably because this is my 5th or 6th psychology class so by this point I've heard pretty much all the major theories. If I have to learn about prosopagnosia one more time I'm going to scream. The professor is pretty ordinary, except in her audio/visual skills. She couldn't get her computer to link up to the classroom's system. Dumb.

With all this extra time, I have officially begun studying for the GRE. When I got home (at 3:30pm!!) on Monday, I sat myself at the kitchen table with my computer, a notebook, and a pencil, and forced myself to take the "diagnostic quiz" that's basically a shorter sample of the GRE. I was totally freaked out. I had a running dialogue in my brain of "this is really hard, I'm not prepared, I can't do this, I have to do well or I won't get into graduate school, I need to answer faster....." and that seriously inhibited my brain function. So of course I didn't do very well. 56% to be exact. To be honest, I don't really know what is a "good grade" on the GRE. But I'm sure I can do much better. So I think I need to slow down. That's my biggest problem. There were many math questions that I read, started to solve, and then said "this is taking way too long- I'm just going to guess." If I slow down and give myself permission to take longer in order to answer correctly, I bet my score will improve. Another area to work on: vocabulary. This is a surprise to me. I read constantly, and consequently have a larger than average vocabulary. But even I recognized maybe 10% of the words presented on the diagnostic quiz. The section I did really well on was fill-in-the-blanks because there are lots of context clues. However, there are 2 sections that I totally bombed. The analogies and antonyms give you nothing but vocabulary words: no context, no clues to help with definitions or even connotation. If you don't know the definition of the word or words presented, then you're just taking a shot in the dark. So I need to do some vocab drills to prepare for those sections. The diagnostic quiz didn't cover the writing section, and I think I need to really work on that part too. I absolutely hate writing and tend to do okay on it. Not great, not terrible.

The hard thing about studying for the GRE is that in the back of my mind, I feel like I don't have a chance of getting into graduate school with or without it. My GPA right now is 3.41. The average to get into CU (my top choice) is 3.7! Honestly, who graduates with a 3.7? Not me! The average for Midwestern in Glendale is a 3.56. Closer, but still above mine. My only hope is to get all As this quarter, which will maybe bring me up to a 3.5. So I feel almost like it's a lost cause. There is such a small chance I will get into either school. Every single day I think that I need to come up with a backup plan. The problem is, there isn't anything even close. I really want to be a PA. I know exactly what Daniel's Mom would say: I need to change my thoughts to change my behavior. She believes in positive thinking. If I keep thinking that I won't get in, then I won't. I need to think that I will get in. But that's so hard when I'm such a realist. Honestly, do I even have a chance? I would say with really good GRE scores, great recommendation letters, and really awesome personal statement I might have a chance. I have no idea what I'll do if I don't get in.