I'm finally getting more comfortable in my position at work. It's taken a long time, but I really feel like I'm contributing significantly. I have been incredibly busy the last week or two, which helps the day go by fast. In late October, I got to a point that I hated going to work and I felt like maybe taking this job was a mistake. I felt like I couldn't do anything right, and like I wasn't making any progress toward independence. My direct supervisor is extremely critical. She wants things to be done her way and EXACTLY right, and she isn't afraid to correct every little thing I do. She watches me very closely no matter what I'm doing and jumps at every chance to criticize me. She also completely micromanages. If she sees me sitting at my desk, she looks for things to tell me to do. It makes me feel on edge constantly. She is very strict about not leaving early or taking a long lunch, not going on facebook or answering personal emails, and has made it very clear that I am not to work on any wedding planning while at work. She is also very "anti-fun" as my co-worker put it. She doesn't discuss her personal life at work, and doesn't joke around or anything. The other 3 of us in the lab like to chat while we work, but she rarely joins in. She often blames this strictness on her boss (who is technically my boss as well), but more and more I think that is a mischaracterization. When I interact personally with her boss, she seems very laid back and not at all concerned with me working constantly from 9 to 5. She has never disciplined me for anything (even though I've been disciplined multiple times for stupid little things in person and via email by my direct supervisor). All of this criticizing was driving me crazy, especially because I'm not the type of person to be lazy at work and try to get out of things. I just felt like no matter what I couldn't do anything right.
All of this came to a head on a Friday (in which I asked to leave 30 minutes early because I had stayed 30 minutes late earlier in the week- and was told no- and then my boss left 3 hours early). I went home and talked it through with Daniel. His suggestion was to sit down and discuss expectations with both my direct supervisor, and her supervisor. But I thought that would just make it look like I'm trying to get away with anything I can. Instead, I decided to work really hard- come early and leave late, take a short lunch, offer to come in on weekends, and be constantly busy from the time I arrive until I leave. And it seems to be working! I have come in an hour early 2 or 3 times since then, once on a morning after we got 8 inches of snow, and my supervisor has offered multiple times for me to leave early since I came in so early. She has also thanked me for working hard and recognized my effort. The best thing that's happened is that she has actually asked me to help her with mouse work. She has very little experience with mice and is quite uncomfortable doing anything with them. She also recognizes that I have lots of experience, and so whenever we're working with mice she lets me take the lead. It has given me a lot of confidence and I think proven to her that I have some value. In the last week I have finally begun to gain independence. Today my boss left at around 10am because she was sick, and left me a LONG list of work to do. I felt completely overwhelmed, but then decided that this was a great chance to show her that she can trust me to take care of things if she can't be there. So I got everything on her list done- even though half of the list contained things I have never done before. I read the directions, asked for help from my co-workers when I needed to, but I got it done. When my boss's boss saw the list she left me, she said that was ridiculous. She told me that she would talk to my boss tomorrow and tell her that she can't leave this huge long list for other people to do. It was very satisfying to hear her say that :-)
Outside of work, my life is still pretty consumed with the wedding. We have gotten most of the RSVPs back and are now at 182 guests (10 of whom are children). That's a lot of people! We have enough money saved for our honeymoon+ 175 guests, so I guess we'll be a little over. I can't believe how many distant family and friends from across the country are flying in to see us get married. Many of our friends are flying from Denver as well. It means a lot to me that they are willing to spend the time and money just to come to our wedding. And last week the most amazing thing happened. I went to bells rehearsal like I do every Thursday night. Only this night, we ended practice 30 minutes early. We cleaned everything up, and then the director led us down the hallway and when we turned the corner, there were chairs and tables set up with a cake and fruit and a big pile of presents! I was so completely surprised! They threw me a surprise wedding shower. Actually, it was a combined surprise wedding shower for me and baby shower for another member who is due on December 24. The cake had a bride and a baby on it, and there were presents for both of us. When I think about the time that they spent to prepare this for us, I feel so lucky to have people like that in my life. They spent weeks emailing each other to plan it. Some bought gifts from our registry, one lady custom ordered a cake from a local bakery (and it was delicious), other people brought fruit and set up. They asked questions about my wedding so that the bride on the cake was wearing a dress just like mine, and there were teal ribbons on the gifts. They bought 10 drinking glasses, 10 wine glasses, a duvet cover, and the matching shams all from Crate and Barrel. For them to buy all of that, plus all the baby gifts, and the cake... it's unbelievable. And they must have come early to rehearsal to set up the chairs and tables and everything. I still get emotional thinking about it.
As far as planning for the wedding, we have very little left to do. I made the seating chart last week. We discussed who is going to give toasts at the wedding and rehearsal which turned out to be another sore spot for Daniel's Dad. He has been incredibly stubborn and demanding with regard to the wedding (as usual). It all goes back to the groomsman issue and it seems that because Daniel didn't do what he wanted, he has decided to make every aspect of the wedding difficult for us. I'm trying to be accommodating and I have to say that I'm very proud of myself for not reacting to him in anger. I definitely want to put him in his place and remind him whose wedding this is, but that would just make it worse. So he is going to get his way, and give a toast at the rehearsal and at the reception. It's not worth arguing about. I just remind myself in my own mind that I will always win. Daniel's Dad may think that he can dictate everything Daniel does, but in reality Daniel and I make decisions together as a family. And I will always come first now because we have chosen each other to be life partners. Daniel and I have decided from now on that we are not going to ask anymore opinions about the wedding. Our parents have lost the privilege of being involved in decision making. Nicole is the only person that we agreed gets to be involved. She has earned that right by being understanding and flexible, and respecting that this is our wedding and nobody else's.
We spent quite a bit of time in pre-marital counseling discussing both of our fathers. The most productive thing that I've learned is that when speaking to Daniel, I need to speak from my heart instead of my head. I tend to be very factual and analytical, but that doesn't work with Daniel. Another important conversation we had is that something that's important to me about us being married is that Daniel is loyal to me above everyone else. And a way that he can show that is by supporting me in front of his dad, and not letting his dad speak to me with disrespect. So we both have things to work on, but I'm more confident than ever that we have a solid relationship and will have a long happy marriage together. Although I probably already knew that. I think if we can get through the immense changes that come in middle school, high school, and college, then we can get through anything.
In just 2 1/2 weeks I'm flying to Phoenix. In less than 4 weeks, I will be Mrs. Rosen!
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